@partyof5 I suppose that may be the case for some brides but it certainly isn’t for all. Having been through this with 3 Ds already, and in the process of planning for the fourth!, we haven’t run into this at all, either personally, with friends’ weddings, or at the bridal shops. I would hope that a chat with your daughter expressing your feelings would be respected. It is a special moment!
Except that remember, it’s their wedding dress to shop for - if they would like other opinions that shouldn’t take anything away from the moment being special for you. As the MOB or MOG the best advice you can give on dress shopping is for them to do what they are most comfortable with - no rules, no obligations - everyone is different in what kind of experience they want. But, IMO, it IS the bride’s experience.
@partyof5 wrote
Don’t tell people when you’re going dress shopping. Just go with her and be done with it. Problem solved.
I was super sad that I wasn’t included in SIL’s dress shopping excursions (see above: dress obsession) , but I kept my mouth shut about it and we all lived. 
Most people won’t say anything, even if they are disappointed. If they do, just say “I’m sure you understand that we wanted to keep the process as streamlined as possible.”
@MotherOfDragons thats just it, I think most people will say something because it is expected because of shows like SYTTD. Then you start the relationship off on a bad note with inlaws sometimes. Its just all too much. Of course this is all assuming my girls even get married, lol
^^I wouldn’t worry too much. Usually by the time you’re looking at wedding dresses the relationship (good or bad) with the inlaws is fairly established.
Which is why that show is also my guilty pleasure for watching the dynamics between people who REALLY shouldn’t be along for the dress hunt.
Regarding dress shopping…my experience (two Ds getting married this year)…
D1 is not wearing a bridal gown, but is wearing a dressy dress. She originally picked up a dress when in a shop she likes, but wasn’t even there to look for her wedding dress. She was with her fiancé. She showed me after the fact. However, she no longer is wearing that dress (but kept it…and I did love it…and it actually will be perfect to wear to her sister’s wedding where she will be Matron of Honor). The dress she now has chosen was ordered online…no dress shopping. She shared photos with me after the dress was chosen.
D2, who lives 4 hours from me, did include me in her wedding dress shopping appointment. She also included her two best friends (one is Maid of Honor and one is a bridesmaid) and so it was a really fun experience and I went to NYC to do it. I liked sharing it with my daughter and I also enjoyed having her two best buds along, whom I know. For my D’s follow up appointment, she went just with her Maid of Honor (best friend).
If the bride doesn’t want to include future MIL or anyone else on dress shopping, she should just go with whoever and say nothing to others. If anyone should ask or be a bit put off about not getting asked, she can just say, “Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t know you would be interested,” or “I saw this dress when I was out and I just bought it.”
My kids and I go shopping all the time, I wouldn’t be surprised if during one of our shopping sprees that we find a dress she likes. I am not sure if we would make a single trip out of it.
I hate to bring this little ugly thing up…I opened up 529’s practically the day my kids were born and chose that savings for 18 years over other things. My kids have no loans graduating from college. I really hate to think of them marrying someone whose parents let their kids rack up tremendous debt. Granted neither of my kids is even dating right now, so this is purely theoretical. However, I have already brought up to them it is something to consider when you are dating someone seriously.
As for the wedding, I keep telling hubby I want to start a little wedding fund for someday down the road. He thinks I’ve lost my mind.
^^I’m terrible with money and had about $24k of debt after one year of college. It took me years to pay it off, and DH, who is amazing with money, married me anyway.
As long as you have agreement on who is in charge of the moola, I don’t see it as an impediment to marriage. I am quite content to say to him “what’s my budget”, then blow it by about 30% because I’m fuzzy with money, but it’s ok because he knows me well enough to give me a budget that allows for fuzziness.
I’d say if you meet someone whose spending habits and saving habits are incompatible with your own, that could be a dealbreaker, for sure.
I feel like the whole “don’t marry someone with debt” thing is sort of not doable.
Is that a first date question? Third? After 6 months? Love and attachment may be quite formed by the time you broach this question.
“Wow, I really think I’m starting to fall for you! Can I see a copy of your Sallie Mae papers??” 
If you set your child up for a debt free education, GREAT. Not everyone can or will do that. Be glad you did and hope that if debt is part of the marriage that the couple has a plan to work it down.
I made DIL’s veil and headpiece. Under $100, and that was with some VERY nice lace on the bottom. Otherwise, some veiling, and some wire and beads for the headpiece.
My niece who’s getting married in July is doing a heavily DIY wedding, but is adamant about having a reception that doesn’t require family labor. I’m doing her headpiece and bustling her dress. She found one in a store, then found the identical one, gently used, on ebay for half the price.
My nephew’s wedding was almost entirely DIY, between the bride, my sister and me. My youngest sister and I are heavily DIY, and that seems to have been passed on to the next generation.
DH and I funded about 75% of our wedding. Catering (buffet, cake and bar) was $16.95/pp in 1983.
With S1, our gift was catering it ourselves, plus lots of my DIY on other stuff. By the time we rented the venue, dishes/glasssware, utensils, serving equipment and servers for the day, I’m not sure that the per head cost was significantly better than going with a caterer. Less, to be sure, but still non-trivial.
My husband paid off his loan right away out of college, never owned a credit card, paid cash for everything and had virtually no credit history whatsoever. I had some college loan and credit card debt. And most importantly, for both of us, I had an excellent credit rating. Together, we have a fabulous credit rating. And his financial good sense. A perfect marriage. 25+ years.
My kids knew they were taking out loans (Stafford only) if they turned down the more affordable college options. Both my kids’ loan payments are <$300./mo. S1 and ex-DIL had comparable amounts of loans. No biggie. They were lucky to have well-paying jobs.
DH went to grad school after we were married three years. I supported us and he took out loans for tuition, etc. Yeah, he owed a big chunk of change, and it prevented us from buying a house til it was paid off ten years later, but that was a decision we undertook with our eyes open. He would have owed even more if it weren’t for my job at that point. As for help from the groom’s family, we got a food processor from my ILs as a wedding gift. No support at all for UG, grad school, house or grandkids’ college.
As a parent, I feel it’s none of my business to know what a DIL has in student loans. It’s up to the couple to discuss what their spending habits are like, what student loans they carry, and to decide how that debt would be repaid and what’s a dealbreaker. If they can’t discuss finances before marriage, that’s a big red flag.
I planned my wedding on my own and made my dress. My mom must have felt really left out. (My family was in the midwest, I was in Philly, so there were logistical issues there.) She never said a word.
I have way more debt than Mr R because I have undergrad and grad loans. I also happen to make much more money than Mr R so I guess it works out.
My in-laws never asked about my loans and it was none of their business. We’re both very good with money. We still live like we did in college when we made about 1/3 of what we do now.
THIS! And, unfortunately, I know more than one couple headed towards marriage who haven’t discussed finances.
I got my dress off the clearance rack at David’s Bridal and a good friend made a simple veil for me. Very cheap.
Both of my kids who are through college had/have student loans, each was under $30k. S got married two months after college graduation. DIL did not have any loans. They paid off his loans in under two years.
D is getting married four months after her master’s graduation. (She was in a service program for the past two years, so no grad school debt). Her fiance does not have any loans. Their goal is to pay off her loans in 1-2 years.
I’m glad my children-in-law did not pass on my kids because of their student loan debt! The in-laws come from households with college educated parents with high profile careers. Our kids were first generation college students from a household with one parent who works in a factory and one parent who worked in data entry for most of their childhood and then worked her way up from an entry level higher ed position (and earned a degree at 40).
For D’s wedding, we told her what the ballpark was for our budget. Unfortunately, it would not have covered everything. Fortunately, the groom’s parents planned to give them a certain amount of money for a wedding gift. The couple could keep it or use it towards the “wedding of their dreams.” I’m so thankful.
My FSIL already did that for the proposal. Surprised DD with a weekend getaway trip to London – she didn’t know until she got on the plane where they were going.
That is very hurtful. I am sorry that happened.
@higgins2013 - I am sorry that happened. It is very hurtful.
@eyemamom …maybe this will put your mind at ease. My entire education was paid for. DH’s…not one dime. He worked hard as a laborer in the summers and took out student loans in undergrad and law school. 32 years ago he had $35,000 in student loans to repay when we got married, which was quite a bit back then…not sure what that would be now. It took us 10 years to pay that off. Today he makes, at my highest salary, 5 times what I do.
Don’t worry about the student loans…look at the man and his goals. I did!
As a mom of only sons, I hope at least one of them has a future wife that would include me in the dress shopping. No opinion to be given, just to enjoy the experience. I went with a niece and it was fun, even though she ended up buying her dress on a different occasion with just her mom. Obviously it is the bride’s choice, but some moms of the groom would like to be part of the planning too (especially if they have no daughters).