Tell the bride that it would be your pleasure to buy her veil and shoes! In short, bring a check book and I’m sure you will be accommodated!( My D lives far far away and I will not be part of the process either.) D’s future in laws have suddenly become very vociferous as to the planning. Especially the flowers. I just passed off that baton last week and accommodated them by making it their responsibility to choose AND pay. One less thing I have to do.
My daughters aren’t wearing veils!
Ditto post #38. I had no student loans and my husband had student loans for both undergraduate and law school. It took us 10 years to pay off his loans but he makes much more than I ever did. I always say that I helped put him through law school though I met him the day he graduated.
My future son-in-law and daughter have no debt. They discussed finances as soon as it looked to be a serious relationship. I asked him if debt would have made a difference. He said not for student loans though he would have been concerned with excessive credit card debt.
@soozievt veil or the hair doodads. 
I don’t know if my D has decided on a veil----it will probably be some sort of over priced comb to wear in the back with he up do! I have her grandma working on that—she too wanted to be a part of that and D will take nana shopping when she gets home to pick out the right item. For many women, choosing clothing is a VERY personal thing whether it’s a gown or a simple dress. I know that for my D, the last person she wants commenting is her future MIL. She is perfectly happy doing that on her own or with her best friend. It’s not an open season spectator sport for everyone.
No veil for my D either! Only some small flowers for her hair.
She is changing her last name to that of the groom’s, which surprised me a bit.
My DIL and her mom texted me photos of her in the wedding dresses she liked. That meant a lot to me. I of course said I loved them all and did not offer an opinion (was not asked- they were just sharing) and that was absolutely fine. I was honored that they thought to do that. As for hair pieces, her sister bought her a beautiful comb with pearls on it that she wore in her hair, which was in a side bun. No veil.
DS#2 and GF are being very prudent. He lives in a very expensive area and has been saving $. Her family situation has changed and he has already said her parents will not be contributing a penny if they get married. Sad, but it is what it is. He said the costs would be on him. We have already told him we will plan to spend/give/whatever he wants the same on his eventual wedding as we did on DS#1. He knows the $ amount. We have been very open and up front with it.
His GF is a doll and they have been dating a long time. They do not currently live in the same city. She has been working several academically related jobs while also in grad school, and has been on her own financially for several years. While whatever her loans are are her business, her career will not be a hugely high paying one. So it is a data point, no matter what.
I had some grad school loans when I married. I cannot recall the total amount, but I paid it off out of my income for 10 years. I still keep the documentation of the loan satisfaction. It was decades ago. It wasn’t an issue in our relationship. But I came into the marriage with a townhome and furniture. He had savings. Nice fit.
@musicamusica
Nice about grandma playing a role in that part!
D1 is getting an updo for her hair, but will have nothing in it and no veil.
D2 will have no veil. Not sure yet that she has decided on how she’ll have her hair done (she has long hair) but I believe she will get some sort of decorative comb or some such, but hasn’t gotten that yet.
Regarding dress shopping- My daughter is getting married this November. She asked me, her Aunt (who has no daughters and lives near my daughter) and her maid of honor to go with her for the first go round. We all liked one dress, but it was quite expensive. After that my daughter went two or three times with one of her friends/bridesmaids at a couple of other places. Two weeks ago she and another bridesmaid and myself went to a Sample sale and snagged the one she will keep. It was really a matter of convenience that worked in my favor. My daughter lives over an hour away and her future MIL lives 7 hours away. I guess most Mom’s and maybe some MIL’s would like to be there but is it really that common for that to be possible? I’ve never seen “Say yes to the dress”, but will look now!
^^^Don’t.
Clearly being 7 hours away makes it tough and that may end up being the case. But if future MIL is in the area and interested, I think it would be a nice gesture to invite her to at least one of the dress shopping trips.
I invited DD’s future MIL along for wedding dress shopping. She was incredibly touched and admitted that she would not want to share that experience with anyone with her own daughter. We also invited her to the venue tasting even though we are hosting the entire reception. She has mentioned how wonderful we are to be so inclusive of them in the planning, I couldn’t imagine it any other way. It helps that they love my DD, and we really love them as well.
D did not wear a veil ( nor did I 35 years ago ) but she wore some beautiful clips in her hair. She also kept her name.
I wore a veil type thing over the back of my hair- nothing in front of my face. My mom was shocked that I wanted one (so was I really). It was just really, really pretty and I figured, why not. A friend made it. She also made a little knitted dog that looked like my older pup and gave her a mini veil too from extra material. It was SO cute and I keep the knitted doggie proudly displayed in my kitchen.
It actually flew off my hair when I was going down the aisle so it looks wonky in pictures. Oh well
If your daughter is getting married in Nov, wait until after the wedding to watch Say Yes To The Drama, er Dress.
It will make you worry about things you didn’t think you needed to worry about (and you really don’t need to worry about).
It’s just like when we moved to Miami we had to stop watching COPS because it suddenly hit way too close to home.
I like the way veils look in pictures, but mine detached after the ceremony so I could get down and boogie at the reception. I did not want to drag 10 feet of fabric around all night! My dress had no train, either. It was just a huge baroque ballgown. Good for boogying.
Our family had to deal with a broken engagement/cancelled wedding. Ex-FSIL’s family wasn’t able to contribute towards any wedding expenses, so we were planning to pay for the wedding reception, church costs, wedding gown, etc,etc. We lost deposits on the wedding reception and church. Luckily, we had not yet contracted with other vendors. Ex-FMIL had gone wedding dress shopping with us several times (she has sons only, no daughters) - DD ended up with a beautiful wedding gown that is still hanging in our closet. Our family/extended family/bridesmaids had already purchased nonrefundable airline tickets and had other nonrefundable travel expenses. If daughter were to get engaged again, not sure what we will do.
oh that stinks @camom . That sort of thing is in the back of everyone’s mind. What if?
This thread has made me really start thinking about this issue. I’ve been married twice, and had small weddings both times (one less than 40, one less than 10). Spending money on a huge fancy wedding just isn’t something I’m really interested in doing. I have 2 sons - one is very frugal, and the other is not into “pomp and circumstance” kinds of things. I hope their personalities carry over onto wedding related decisions. I will definitely contribute something towards wedding costs, but I’d rather fund a honeymoon/experience kind of thing than dinner for 300 of someone’s closest friends. I suspect in my case it will be very situation dependent.
ÉTA - I and my spouse paid for all of both weddings, honeymoons, etc. I did get help with my inexpensive wedding gown from a relative. No financial contributions were made by parents. My ex in laws did have a very informal rehearsal dinner at their house.
I see my son and his fiance as being “frugal” - they still live like they are college students even though they both have jobs and are two years out of school. However, when it came to planning the wedding (a month from today!) they both were interested in having a decent wedding with most of the trim. We expect about 100 to attend. Nothing over the top but they did still want the church, a reception venue, a DJ, photographer, etc. - they did forego a few things - no engagement photos, simple save the dates, etc. - but a big “expensive” party for someone who is frugal it still will be!!!
@abasket Are the couple paying? Or is it the brides family and you?
We gave them a portion and are doing the rehearsal and morning after breakfast. Bride’s mom is single and is helping a little, but minimal. They are doing a good bit of it themselves. “Special friends” are gifting them a honeymoon (unbelievably generous of them!) But a fair bit of the wedding is on the couple.