<p>Mstee, the friends of mine who know my son are thrilled that finally this is behind us. He’s a different person now that this kid is gone. He said, " it’s great, Mom. No prob." I couldn’t be happier. Time to move forward and thanks for your kind words, CC’ers.</p>
<p>I’m veteran of quite a few junior high fights. As Arthur Fonzirelli once said, you don’t have to actually get IN fights; you just have to make the opponent THINK you’ll fight like a savage if you need to.</p>
<p>I’m also a big proponent of the power of 1-on-1 confrontations. I suggest the OP’s son somehow manage to confront the bully 1-on-1 OUTSIDE of school (with nobody else around), and tell him in no uncertain terms “What the F is your problem? If you don’t stop it, you better get ready to have your butt kicked right in front of your cool friends.”</p>
<p>And unfortunately it doesn’t end with middle school. My son was recently telling me about being at a small party at college. He was there with a friend who for some reason seems to attract people who want to “pick” on him.<br>
A football player kept going after this boy verbally and was very rude, making derogatory comments. My son got in the player’s face and told him that he needed to lay off. </p>
<p>Of course the football player didn’t like that one bit and it was in front of several of his friends. My son said replied that he knew he [the player] could beat the s*** out of him, but he would take a few licks too–was it worth it?</p>
<p>He said the room went totally silent for a minute or so and then the player grinned and said “Ah, man, forget it, you’re alright”.</p>
<p>Of course it could have escalated and I could have ended up with an ER bill, but son felt very good that he stood his ground and also didn’t stand back and watch friend be belittled. His friend just doesn’t have the personality to be confrontational and I’m not sure that can be forced.</p>
<p>His friend just doesn’t have the personality to be confrontational and I’m not sure that can be forced.</p>
<p>Interesting comment about the teachability of confrontationality. I hire a lot of young folks, and they tend to be smart as heck, great with computers, but almost none of them has a backbone when it comes to confrontations. Perhaps it’s the way they are taught in school to respect everybody’s views that makes them allergic to challenging anybody or imposing their will on anybody, even when they are working in a leadership position.</p>
<p>You may have hit the nail on the head there TourGuide. I remember a middle school teacher calling me about my son confronting her in front of the class when she changed the “rules” of the test in the middle of the test (decided not to count off for problems not attempted, while my son and others had tried to watch the time and work to at least get partial credit–therefore they could get a very low grade while someone who just worked one problem could get a 100).</p>
<p>Anyway, he pointed out that one doesn’t change the rules once the test has started and how it was unfair to students who were attempting to complete test. The teacher was furious that he confronted her in front of class.</p>
<p>My response was “Was he rude or did he use inappropriate language?”…“No?”…“Well, IMO he was right and it affected the whole class, why not bring it up in front of class?–he also has the right to defend his position”. Absolute silence from her and finally a small comment that she would prefer conversations in private.</p>
<p>My mother actually went to the state governor about an incompetent 5th grade teacher of mine. So I guess son comes from a long line of confrontationists (is that a word?). Maybe it’s genetic?</p>
<p>“the ringleader has been expelled”</p>
<p>Good news – that’s the best possible outcome IMHO. It might even open his parents’ eyes, although plenty of bullies’ parents find a way to blame every single consequence on someone outside the family.</p>
<p>Great outcome! Very pleased that your son can now go to school in peace, and the students have gottent the right message about what happends to bullies.</p>
<p>mkm-- Great stories about your S. Your S’s friend is lucky to have a friend who was able to stand up for him like that.</p>