@Twins2018, if you are seriously considering private schools, I think you should find a local consultant for advice. This is the website for the Independent Educational Consultants Association: http://www.iecaonline.com.
There are children in private schools with ADHD, etc, but they don’t necessarily specify such when applying to schools. Your willingness to state that your child had an IEP may have led them to believe the LD was larger than they could handle. A local consultant could help you find the right private schools, those which do do well supporting and encouraging children, as well as how to give an honest picture of your children.
Also, are there more private high schools than private elementary schools in your area? I know in our area, there are more options for high school than for K-8. I agree with mom2collegekids, some religious schools can be good options.
Nevertheless, it sounds as if your current town is making all of you miserable. Schoolwork often kicks up a notch in high school. If you’re unhappy now, will it get better in high school? What does your high school offer students outside of the top performers?
You have time to investigate different options. It doesn’t take a lot of time to peruse real estate listings, read local newspapers in possible towns, and stalk various possible schools. A visit with a knowledgeable consultant could also help you to sort out your options.
No matter how much work they have in HS and the academic level of it, the college, any college, the lowest ranked college will be much more push academically, it will require tremendous step up in effort. Is there a concern in regard to increasing this gap coming from more “relaxed” HS environment? Kids who graduated from the most rigorous privates in our area at the top of their classes, still had to adjust a lot when they started attending their in-state public colleges. I am talking about minimizing shock when starting the college and when they will loose every day family support. Everybody was in shock around us, valedictorians from private HSs’ with lots of APs were in shock.
“No matter how much work they have in HS and the academic level of it, the college, any college, the lowest ranked college will be much more push academically, it will require tremendous step up in effort.”
That is not our experience. At our high school, the top students predominantly think that college is easier, if the college is not in the top 20.
how far is the “town down the road”? if its a short distance that would be a reasonable commute, maybe its possible to stay where you are and have the kids go to the other public–sometimes if there are slots a public will take them with a small reasonable out-of-district tuition charge. it may be worth investigating if that is an option for you.
I do think you’d be on the hook for transportation, so you would need to think it through. it may not be a doable scenario for you, but consider (theoretically) that at least one of them will eventually drive, so it may or may not be a four year commitment.
No. Not all high achieving kids are miserable. But some are and if you feel your kids would be made miserable by a particular school culture you are wise to address the issue.
My so is at a private college prep school. His brothers also graduated from the same school. My kids enjoyed t he competition but we know several kids who transferred to another private school where the culture is less competitive. Those kids are happier in their new environment. No one type of school is right for everyone.
Do any of the private schools near you offer scholarships for talented students in the arts?
I don’t have an easy answer for you. I do want to applaud you for thinking about who your kids are and what they need instead of blindly following a course that is unlikely to work for them.
Some years ago, after much soul searching (and bank account analysis) we decided to send D1 to an independent school because we felt a smaller social environment would be better for her. It was a great choice and she is getting a great education. Money well spent. D2, who would thrive anywhere, is now at the same school.
Does your state have school choice? In our state, students can go to a school in another town as long as there are school choice slots available.
It is hard to know how severe your children’s LD and/or ADHD might be. As you know, most publics are better in theory for accommodating these, because they are legally required to do so. Meet with the principal, a SPED person, the 504 coordinator-whoever is appropriate- and get a feel for whether it will be an uphill battle regardless of the law.
A Waldorf or Montessori type school might be helpful, if there are any, but if you go private, I think it is good to address the learning challenges upfront, regardless of repercussions with admissions. In our area there is one private that is really good for kids with IEP’s or 504’s in the public, and once these kids go to the private, they seem to do well. There are other privates that are small and personal but the workload is terrible and kids suffer stress, even without the challenges of an LD or ADHD.
Did you say cost is not an issue?
I will PM you a little more on our own family’s experience with this issue. All I will say it that I would no base decisions on future college options. It is always possible that one of your kids won’t even want to go, at least right away. And when the time comes, Landmark, Curry, New England and many other schools offer special programs for kids with learning challenges. If this kind of program is not needed, college disability offices are a resource as are deans and other administrators. So college will work out. Focus on a good high school experience and avoiding harm!
p.s. Landmark might be a resource for you in terms of advice. Also the Federation for Children with Special Needs.
I teach in a Catholic high school, with no special ed accomodations.
I would like to strongly suggest you look into exactly what accomodations your LD child would get. In my school, she would get none. It’s absolutely the right school for over 2000 kids, but it is not the right school for kids with learning disabilities.
Every so often we have a parent who wants our school so badly for her son or daughter that they overlook this huge problem. If your child needs accomodations, make sure the school you choose offers them. Be upfront, and ask the questions.
It breaks my heart when I see one of those kids who needs services, and is floundering because of the lack of them.
No one has mentioned homeschooling yet, so I will throw that wildcard into the ring here. Is your state homeschool friendly? In our metro area, we enjoy the freedom to homeschool and have a huge array of choices for hybrid schools, a la carte classes, and the choice to go deep into music/art/dance/robotics, etc.
Each of your children could specialize in their own passion while still getting the basics at the same academic pace. One homeschool family used dual enrollment at a smaller tech college, and their S ended up on a competitive robotics team that won a national title and went on to the international competition. Another homeschool family has multiple kids who act, and they are routinely working in movies being filmed locally.
I applaud your willingness to look at what is looming in your family’s future, and to take steps now to give your children the best possible environment that works for each of them. Trust your gut instinct. Be willing to make adjustments as each of your children’s needs may change as they mature.
I see the biggest hurdle you may face is keeping them together. I wonder if you will end up sacrificing some of their individual needs in order to keep them in the same school. I don’t have twins, so I admit I don’t have that viewpoint of how strong those bonds are. But wanted to mention that, especially with the LD differences, you may want to keep an open mind about separating them to get the best fit for each one.
Our family’s experience has shown us that time management skills are crucial to college success. The student needs to own that process and be disciplined enough to work independently. It doesn’t happen right away in 9th grade, but that is the goal. Solid writing skills and critical thinking skills are the other basic goals for high school that will make the transition to college easier.
I am so excited to read that parents recognize the crazy pressure and are willing to adjust their lives to get their children into a better academic climate. I don’t think you will ever regret stepping out of the academic rat race and giving your children the peace to learn and engage in their passions.
Based on what you’ve indicated that you desire for your kids, homeschooling might be something to consider along with private and public schools.
I’ve homeschooled my 4 children all of their lives (ages 10-19), and, so far, the 3 still at home say they want to continue through high school. Our oldest is a musical theatre major at an expensive, selective arts university, where she received a scholarship that covers full tuition and 90% of R&B (due heavily to academics and a bit to talent), and is absolutely thriving.
Why did I choose homeschooling, and why do my kids/teens decide to homeschool? Freedom–to follow their passions, to study what they desire and need, to create their own schedules, to be able to go where we want when we want, to have as much or as little pressure as each child should have…
Just to offer another perspective, some private schools are very accommodating of kids with disabilities, and with less paperwork involved than a public school requires. I don’t think you can generalize, as my kids’ school was quite amazing in this area. You have to check into it at each school.
As someone who attended an academically competitive public magnet with an atmosphere which has been described by fellow alums as “cutthroat at times” and “sink or swim”, such environments may be suitable and right for some…but not for everyone.
While I came out fine and have some affinity for my public magnet as an alum, I wasn’t hesitant to advise several parents including an uncle whose D was admitted and was considering attending against it based on their academic interests and whether such a competitive pressure cooker atmosphere was not preferred or unsuitable for the student concerned. If that type of atmosphere’s not right for a given student, then it’s the wrong school for that particular student.
MiamiDAP,
That’s not the experience of the vast majority of classmates from Stuy or other public magnets like it. Those classmates include those who went off to attend elite colleges including HYP with the possible exceptions of MIT/Caltech or Swat, UChicago, Cornell, Reed and other colleges notorious for high workloads & rigor even among elite colleges.
Most found college to be much more manageable/easier than HS.
My experience was the same at a top 25 LAC…and I graduated close to the bottom of my graduating HS class.
One weird adjustment college adjustment experience I had in my first year of college was actually going from being the class dunce/clown in HS struggling to stay above academic water to being someone who was able to max out my semester courseload, skipping many intro courses despite not having AP credits, more free time to hangout/participate in ECs, and work 20 hours/week tutoring academically struggling college classmates*…including several older ones with much better HS stats/class rank/APs.
Made enough to cover what my near-full ride FA/scholarship package didn't cover so parents never had to pay one red cent for undergrad.
OP: do you like living in your current town? Do kids at all academic levels feel pressure at the high school or just the high achievers? Are the arts and non-academic offerings satisfactory for your kids at the less pressured high school? Would you consider sending them to two different high schools, if there were a different private that would meet your daughter’s needs?
Just be sure you understand the pluses and minuses of the new high school. Are the kids there really happier or do they have a different set of stresses? Are the arts offerings enough for your daughter?
I posted about doing a sort of hybrid with some things outside of school and some inside of school, and then, eventually, homeschooling as needed- for a child with a similar picture. Online classes can be a big part of that.
Just wanted to add that the arts, performing arts, or creative techy endeavors are often best pursued outside of school. We did well with a high school that was not demanding, that did not have hours and hours of homework, and then our kids pursued their real interests outside of school. It worked out really well.
I would go with what is best for them for HS - don’t make your choice based on getting into college.
We opted to keep our S in the local, small public school, rather than move to a “better” district or go to the private school he got a scholarship to. The public was small enough to be attentive to him, had a wide variety of kids, very diverse racially and SES. And he got into the type of school we envisioned and more importantly, he said he was just as or more prepared than his college classmates from prep schools.
There are several big pressure districts near us. Tutors, ECs, private coaches, the whole 9 yards. I cannot imagine putting my kid in one of those - particularly when they can get a quality education and admission to any school they are qualified for without the stress. A friend is a GC in one of these districts and she has an unbelievable # of kids suffering from ulcers and other physical ailments. Some of them have had to hire more mental health practitioners to serve the kids. It just sounds like a terrible way to spend your HS years.
It looks to me like you are ready to move. Yes, it is entirely OK to move away from the top school that so many other parents want to move close to. My only suggestion would be that you verify access to the LD services your daughter will need, and that you check out community theater opportunities she can take advantage of if the school district theater program turns out to be less interesting to her than you had originally thought.
You need to discuss things with your children’s guidance counselor(s) plus any specialty teachers for their individual needs. This is a good time to do so- they should be able to tell you how the school will meet their 8th grade needs and also what can happen in the district HS.
With special needs I’m not sure home schooling will be the most beneficial. It could be very taxing for you and add stress. Plus daily absence from home may make dealing with your kids easier for the family. Something to ask the GC. Also- most private schools have no mandate for meeting special needs. Before considering moving your kids from their home and familiar surrounding for all find out specifically how the new school would address your kid’s special needs- after having them delineated by the GC et al.
Will your current school be the pressure cooker you perceive for students like yours? Be frank about this with the GC. Also consider the opportunities at each school.
How do your kids feel about their current school? Even in middle school kids know how they fit in. Not all kids worry about pressure to be tops. Their reaction to the possibility of moving/changing schools will be revealing. Excitement or dread will become apparent.
Any Quaker schools in your area? I’ve observed that even if they aren’t as in tune with special needs as a public district needs to be, they find a way to make things work for a kid.
Regardless of where you live and what type of school your kids attend, you still need to deliver the message (and it sounds as though you are) that you aren’t what you achieve, it’s WHO you are that counts.
Big hug. Sounds like a lot of factors to consider…
Hi OP my older child went to a somewhat high pressure high school, with an LD. what made it tolerable was the small size of the class (about 160 kids in her grade). Because of that she could actually take part in activities without having to get a tutor, be the best of the best, etc. In a neighboring massive district (in top 50 high schools in the US) the achiever kids have wonderful opportunities but the normal kids might never get a chance. For example, a friend told me they have selective try outs for seventh grade cheerleading. Can you imagine? If that is what your district is like I think you are right to consider a move. Your kids will have each other, which kind of alleviates the “no friends” problem. Possibly they could go to a new public high school and you could spend some money saved on tuition to pay for a snazzy arts program in the summer or something.
In our town, I have heard kids saying they are in the “dumb class” because they are taking algebra 2 in tenth grade. hey, kids that is when I took algebra 2 and I am not dumb at all! They don’t listen to me…it’s depressing as heck.
good luck to you all.