Thanks all, this is OP here. The range of comments is insightful and useful. The boy is immature, for sure. We’ve been kind and friendly to him, and he is not a “bad boy” (and I know bad boyfriends as my kid has some a couple of them that were outright dangerous). He is just an anti-college loaf-about, pretty lost in life himself as far as I can tell, with little to no drive or ambition or at this point, no direction to get a real job and grow up. I’ve cooked them dinner many a night and taken them to the movies and the theatre. But the layout of our small apartment is such that it feels very awkward having him spend the night here, it puts a cramp on own sense of privacy, hence our “curfew” rule that our kid chafes at. I do feel that our kid should “be expected” to do a bit of hanging with the parents, but yes, we are hurt that she obviously has zero desire. I do think first-year college students make a mistake in investing in a serious relationship at such a young age. They are just too immature and don’t have any real sense of life’s possibilities or even knowledge of themselves to make wise decisions. Just don’t really know how to play the razor’s edge of this -not alienating daughter, but not enabling or indulging in what we know is a problematic. If they love each other so much they can wait until graduation to date again.