My mother divided up her good jewelry several years ago. She no longer wore it. She put it all out on the table and my sister and I took turns picking. It worked out great. No squabbling.
My parents house has some old Victorian furniture that I certainly don’t want. Still it will be wrenching to sell it because it was my ggrandparents.
When my mother died, my sister and I had a very easy time going through her jewelry. We laid it all out and each of us said our top pick. If we didn’t care about each other’s choices, no problem. If her top pick was, for example, my second pick, I’d say so and we’d “add value” to my pick. Like, “how about you can have that if I can have this AND that?” We tried to make the picks “feel” the same value, if that makes sense. It worked for us because we do get along well and neither of us is greedy.
Furniture is difficult to deal with. We tried to donate a beautiful writing desk, but none of the local charities wanted it even though it was in perfect condition. We ended up emailing our coworkers the list of furniture and said it was free to anyone who would come and pick it up. It was wonderful to see a young couple who was about a month away from welcoming their first child delight in getting a free rocker and ottoman and a few other items.
Off topic: I just figured out how to quote. Use the example below, making sure to remove the extra space inside each bracket. I had to put the extra space in so the text would show.
[ quote] whatever you want to quote [ /quote]
" It worked for us because we do get along well and neither of us is greedy."
So important!
Greed can be contagious. I was party to a division of personal property and there was one sibling who kept wanting every little thing. The more that sibling asked for, the more others seemed to begin to want things, too. It was as if that sibling’s wants caused others to doubt their prior attitudes. Then the sibling’s spouse spoke up and said they did not need any more ‘stuff’ and that one comment deflated the entire process. It was spooky to see the greed escalate and lovely to see it deflate.
Another weekend and another load of things moved from my MIL’s house to ours. Unfortunately this time it includes a piece of furniture that will be in our family room. It doesn’t match, or really fit in the space, but it means something to my MIL and husband so it will stay there. I’d be lying if I said I was happy about it, but sometimes you go along to get along. Maybe someday we can move it, but I don’t know where.
Since so much is coming our way, in addition to all of the things we already have, I suggested a storage space. Just until we get out from under, but that idea was summarily dismissed. I agree that it is crazy to pay for storage, but I need time and space to sort through things. I can’t handle my house right now and soon enough my daughter will be home from Spring semester with another load of things.
@tired already - I feel for you. I am sorting through 60 years of papers and possessions on my side and H is in the thick of this as well. We currently have room so unwanted things (that the relatives want kept) are ending up here - but we’re hoping to downsize ourselves soon.
I concur with not getting a storage space. Items in the shed never have to be dealt with, and will linger indefinitely. Items in the garage and basement and guest room and dining table are in the way and will be dealt with.
Over the past several months I have visited each of my siblings’ homes. It is wonderful to see old family heirlooms and sentimental items in their homes. It doesn’t all have to stay with me and my kids, it’s just nice to see those old favorites still have a home.
MomofJand L, It would be wonderful to see some of these treasures in my husband’s siblings homes but they keep ending up in mine! Things may shake out over time, but for now, they have no problem saying no and my husband can’t seem to find the word. Funny thing is, their houses are bigger and nicer - with more storage space. Oh well.
Well…I guess I can’t tag tired already because of the space in her screenname.
When my mother died, we moved NOTHING directly into our house except the jewelry and sterling silver flatware. Everything else went to the garage…tons of stuff. We went through little by little…and pitched or gave away a lot. Brought in only things we wanted.
That being said…we have 24 stems of orrefors crystal that I hate…and have always hated. My MIL gave it to us as a wedding present almost 37 years ago and much of it still has the little stickers on it. It’s all boxed up…finally…but DH says I can’t sell it until after his mother dies!
Whatever.
We have things we moved into our carport when we moved into the house–26 years ago. Lots of the items are from H’s parents’ house and older than I am (some are older than H is as well). It’s not easy to get H to sort through and we once sold ONE item–a lampshade that had no matching base. H mourned the loss of that lampshade for MANY months! I said I will not participate in his sorting/disposal process after that.
Our carport still can only park one car because the “stuff” fills up 1/2 of the other side.
Tell him to use it or lose it. He’s not honoring anybody or the objects by letting them sit in the carport for 26 years. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir but maybe your kids can talk some sense into him if he won’t hear it from you.
Your carport has been filled with stuff you have never used…and don’t plan to use…for 26 YEARS?
I would hire two men and a truck to haul the stuff to a storage unit.
Nope–It’s H’s and I’m not touching it. No divorce, thank you.
Well…I hope it’s YOUR car that fits in the carport.
I’m finding such interesting papers during the sorting process. I intended to take photos and pitch most paperwork, but some items have a feel to the paper, and that antique, musty odor, that bring the item to life the way a photo can’t. For example, tickets to Disneyland from 1961, war ration stamp books, and several family member autobiographies written 60-100 years ago.
DH’s grandfather was a radio/TV repairman, and had a basement work shop. He passed back when DH and I were dating, and DH, his father, and siblings were assigned to clean out the clutter to make the house saleable.
In the process, DH inherited a 12 foot workbench, a pile of tools, and an antique radio. We stored them at FIL’s house until we got our own place, and re-assembled them in our basement. The sentimental part of the story is that when taking it apart, we noticed that DH’s grandfather had written, in carpenter pencil, on the plain 2x10 top boards, dates and names when his children, and later his grandchildren, were born. DH added the dates and names when our pups arrived.
As family heirlooms go, this is a bit unusual, but my pups and their friends made a lot off cookies over the years on this workbench. Part of me thinks they will fight over who will eventually inherit this treasure, but I realize it is quite possible neither will have a home with a spot for it. So DH told them we’d prefer it to pass to BIL or nephews, to keep it in the family. One of nephews was named after DH’s grandfather - he shares the same birthday with him 99 years after his great grandfather.
I gave up my wedding dress to my younger sister, who cut it to get it altered/expanded to fit her, then ruined it.
We regularly donate lots of clothes, etc. so we don’t have too much - but we do have scrap books for the pups.
Interesting thought about the trophies. When DH’s parents moved to convalescent care, DH inherited his big box of trophies - some of them were very large - as he used to be an athlete. In the same box with them was a pair of old sling shots - so when we brought them home, DH, S and D used the trophies as targets. DH took a video of pups taking target practice, and we played it for FIL in the nursing home - he thought it was great fun.
Well, don’t get rid of those!!
After my mother moved in with my brother we all got together at her house and divvied up the stuff that was there. We put it into groups of stuff. Furniture, African Art, carpets and then drew straws for who would go first. There were a few items that we all wanted, but it seemed to work out well by and large. We haven’t actually done the same for the stuff my Mom took to my brother’s house, but except for a couple of paintings there’s really nothing I feel that strongly about.
Here’s a question: when people leave all kinds of personal items behind, do you feel justified, or awkward, reading through them? When you keep these things yourself, for example letters from your spouse, or your work personnel files, do you keep them knowing that other people may be reading them one day? I’ve come across some surprising things.