<p>I think the amount of money given varies by region of the country. We live in the NYC metro area and I agree $200-$300 is the norm. We give between $400-$500 to my husbands employees. Luckily we haven’t had to go to too many weddings!</p>
<p>I think that the amount you should spend on a gift varies dramatically depending upon geography, relationship to bride and groom and socioeconomic status. Here in the NYC area, I wouldn’t spend less than $300 on a gift (or a check) if my husband and I were attending a colleague’s wedding. In fact, we would likely spend a bit more (probably around $400).</p>
<p>I do use the protocol of buying a gift at least as expensive as the cost of our plates at the wedding. Here, in the NYC area, where weddings easily run to $200 per person (not including proportionate share of band, flowers, etc. – we’re talking just the fee from the reception location per person), a $400 gift from an attending couple is not unusual.</p>
<p>Wow, good thing we don’t go to many weddings! We could never afford the $200-$300 for a co-worker! </p>
<p>I do wonder if geographics comes into play. Midwest people, what’s your norm???</p>
<p>I agree with Jym above that you should not feel obligated to give at least the cost of the dinner, especially if this is way out of your price bracket. There should not be a “cover charge” on the invitation. If the bride and groom or their folks can afford a wedding at an expensive venue and choose to do this, they should not expect their guests to subsidize this choice. In my opinion that is really tacky. If they can’t afford an expensive affair, they really should not organize such an event. I really don’t think the couple should get a better gift because the party is at “the Ritz” as opposed to the local community center. </p>
<p>You really should not be made to feel uncomfortable by feeling forced to give a gift that you can not afford. Similarly I do think it is tacky to value a relationship based on the monetary value of a gift. </p>
<p>I do have to say that many many many years ago, when I first started going to weddings of friends and coworkers when I was in grad school, and had my first job, I relied on my mom’s suggestions of what was an appropriate gift. After attending a few events, another friend of mine told me that mom was not right (far too little $$ for that day and age), and I felt badly about that for a number of reasons. The friend was actually the one who told me about bridal registries (as I had never heard of them before). Later, I went put a lot of thought into picking gifts that I thought were so nice and personal, and when I got married myself, I got similar gifts from people who I hardly knew. As they say: go know.</p>
<p>I’ll give my vote for the rural midwest…$75-100. I usually try to find something unique and individual to the couple. My recent gifts have been the monogrammed door/wall plaques with family name, wedding date, etc. These have been well received.</p>
<p>Although I understand the idea of covering the price of dinner, I don’t like it. I think the bride and groom should have the wedding and reception they desire AND can afford. IMO, they should invite those with whom they wish to share their day and not anticipate guests “paying” their way. I’d a million times rather attend a low-key meaningful ceremony with cake and punch, family and friends, than some over-the-top production where the couple/their parents are starting out in debt for a few hours of a party.</p>
<p>Yeah, that! ^^^</p>
<p>$200-$300 seems very, very high. I’m in the Midwest, also, so perhaps we’re frugal here … and was thinking something around $75 for a (young) co-worker either from the registry or as a card and check.</p>
<p>I don’t think people are throwing weddings they couldn’t afford. I don’t think they expect people to subsidize their weddings either. People on this thread are interpreting it as such. Some of us are saying that’s how we are coming with the amount. It’s the gift givers’ reasoning for coming with the amount. I would imaging people in Midwest in general probably do not spend as much on weddings either, not that they couldn’t afford to, but maybe just not customary.</p>
<p>I disagree. I do think there are lots of people who get caught up in it all and do spend more than they can afford. From various threads on here and other places over the years, I also think that <em>some</em>, definitely not most or all, do expect people to at least “cover” the cost of their meal/reception. I have seen that idea discussed much more by posters on the coasts, esp. the east coast, so maybe it’s a regional thing.</p>
<p>Nah, most of my friends and neighbors don’t spend that much because they really can’t afford to do so. Not that they would, if they could…haha. Everything here has a few fewer 00’s at the end, including our wages!</p>
<p>And of course the cost of a wedding in NYC is higher than in many (probably most) areas of the midwest</p>
<p>So not to change the original intent of the thread, but how much do you think the “typical” wedding buffet costs per head these days? I really have no idea…around here, that means chicken/roast beef, potatoes/rice type thing, veggies, salad, rolls and maybe some cheese/crudites type stuff beforehand…typical, but nothing especially special.</p>
<p>I strongly disagree with Gourmetmom. I think gifts should be based on your closeness to the person. If my little sister got married at city hall or in the backyard of one of my parents’ houses in front of a single-digit number of people and had no reception, I’d still give her the best gift that I could afford. If I were giving a gift to a co-worker that I wasn’t close to, who invited me to their wedding for some reason, I would of course give a gift, but it would be a whole lot cheaper. Even if the co-worker’s wedding cost $50K.</p>
<p>“Appropriate to the occasion”? A low-cost wedding is still a <em>wedding</em>, and entitled to its full dignity as such.</p>
<p>And I think that the idea that guests should be covering the cost of their food/drink makes a mockery of the concept of hospitality. My fiance and I are in the process of planning (and paying for) our own wedding. You invite guests because you want them there with you. They are <em>guests</em>. If you care more about breaking even than about having people who care for you there, you could just have a private ceremony and not bother with guests at all.</p>
<p>Edited to add: Oops, I forgot to address the actual question. I think something like a kitchen appliance, place settings, or other useful household item would be fine. If you want to write them a check instead, I’m sure they’d appreciate that too.</p>
<p>abasket: I’m sure it varies by location and special requirements (e.g. being restricted to caterers who can accommodate certain dietary needs). My fiance and I, dinged by both of those criteria (we are in an expensive part of the country and need all the food to be gluten-free), are struggling to find catering that’s less than $75/head, and $100/head would not be considered abnormal for what we need, though it would eviscerate our budget. That includes food, service, and rentals (of tables, chairs, plates, etc), but not alcohol.</p>
<p>I think we are talking about co-worker here, not close friend or family member. Some of us are saying rule of thumb is to give approximate the cost of meal and drinks, bride and groom are not asking for that. If you are at a managment level, it is also important not to ne considered as cheap by people who work for you.</p>
<p>I do not think it is appropriate for anyone in a managerial position to attend weddings of their subordinates and give gifts. It can open a big can of worms.</p>
<p>BunsenBurner- In some cultures, it is a great honor for your manager/boss to attend the wedding. The boss is introduced and is quite fussed over by the marrying families because his/her presence validates the union as a good match personally and professionally.</p>
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<p>Just to be clear, I was not at all implying that the bride and groom cared one way or the other about the gifts they receive. All I’m saying is that the minimum gift that I usually would give to a couple is approximately the cost of our plates. It’s a guideline that I use. If a couple hosts their wedding at a much less expensive place, my gift would be no less to that couple. </p>
<p>In other words, my $300-$400 gift (minimum) applies regardless of actual cost of wedding for weddings in the NYC area.</p>
<p>We give a flat $250 check to co-workers getting married if we are invited to the wedding. Unless we really don’t like them and then it’s $100. But that only happened once. I don’t think they knew the difference. We also give the same to nieces and nephews when they graduate HS–if they send us an announcement. No announcement no gift. That’s our rule.</p>
<p>jessiehl - </p>
<p>your comments make it clear that you have no idea what I wrote. Of course, there is no obligation for guests to cover the cost of their meal. Some people like to use this as a gauge, that’s all. If your budget dictates that you spend less, that’s fine too. I don’t know a single bride or groom who would expect their guests to spend beyond their means - most would be mortified at the thought. Try thinking past your own nose. The OP asked what is appropriate to give her coworker. If other people prefer to give more or less depending on their closeness to the bride or groom, then that’s fine as well.</p>
<p>I had a very formal, pull-out all the stops wedding many years ago and I received all sorts of gifts large and small, and I was happy at the thought and generosity that went into each one. A favorite was a small china teapot given to me by a dear friend of my mothers - I still use it often.</p>
<p>Because I am well-off, it would be appropriate for me to give more generous wedding gift. I can’t imagine showing up to a formal wedding reception with a $50 check. However, it would be equally appropriate for another guest at the same wedding to give $50 because that’s what fits their budget.</p>
<p>Batlllo - that’s interesting… I checked with a friend who works for a somewhat bigger company, and they have a formal policy prohibiting managers from exchanging gifts with subordinates and vendors.</p>