<p>In Los Angeles the “average” buffet is at least $200, including liquor and gratuity. Definitely more at some venues.</p>
<p>I didn’t include several of my husband’s co-workers on the original guest list, thinking that they wouldn’t want to attend and it would be an obligation; however, it became clear that they would have been highly offended, and I added them right before the invitations went out. It ended up being the right thing to do - better to err on the side of not hurting feelings.</p>
<p>It varies greatly depending on the work environment.</p>
<p>Bunsen- Makes sense for corporations to eliminate all shades of impropriety. Kinda sad since it is a way for the boss and employee to honor each other outside work.</p>
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<p>I doubt having your boss and other coworkers attend your wedding and your boss giving you a gift breaks any company rules.</p>
<p>BunsenBurner, my husband owns the company where he works. It isn’t super big and we aren’t invited to every wedding, but most of them including employees children. I always buy an engagement gift and sometimes I am invited to the shower. I don’t always go, bosses wife can be awkward for some, but I always send a gift. I also send gifts for new babies. I get everyone a Tiffany bank in blue or pink!</p>
<p>acmom- I like that you have established a tradition of giving the banks, nice touch.</p>
<p>acm, it depends on the company. If your H is the owner, he sets his own rules (he sounds like a great boss!). The place I was talking about is a publicly traded company, and the last thing they want is a bunch of lawsuits from Joes who got toasters for their weddings while Jills were given sets of china. 
I agree, it is kind of sad.</p>
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<p>Completely agree. The very idea of even mentally tallying up and speculating on what I think the bride/groom are spending per head are is incredibly tacky. It’s far more gracious to be focused on celebrating a special day, not on whether they are serving buffet or sit-down or having a dessert table. Honestly, I’m surprised to see the sentiment on CC. IME, the idea of basing the gift on what the food cost is for the wedding is a norm among certain lower socioeconomic groups than what I perceive are on CC.</p>
<p>I work for a large corporation and there is no such rule. Silliest thing I ever heard. Companies should worry about bigger problems. Having the entire dept at a wedding is good for morale and bonding. To not allow the boss the participate accentuates a gulf that should not exist at that level. If a company is that dumb they have issues.</p>
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<p>But because you are well-off, why would you show up to a cake-and-punch-in-the-living-room reception with a $50 check? IOW, what does the cake-and-punch or a fancy sit-down dinner at the Ritz have to do with it? You’re well-off enough you can give nice gifts to people – so you do so, regardless of how much they happen to be spending on you.</p>
<p>There are numerous threads on wedding gift norms and expectations, including one within the last two or three weeks, if memory serves.</p>
<p>My advice is to find out where they are registered and get something from the registry. That way you can be somewhat certain that whatever you purchase is wanted, suits their taste, and is not a duplicate. </p>
<p>Some people come from ethnicities where giving money is normal. Others think it extremely tacky. (I will give money when hell freezes over, personally.)</p>
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<p>I was giving advice to the OP, not describing what I do personally. </p>
<p>Actually, I always try to be generous. My husband says that I give too much and I should cut back because people may not appreciate it or they may want to take advantage of me.</p>
<p>There are really two separate issues being discussed here - etiquette and common practice. What one gives as a wedding gift can and should have nothing to do with the price per head of the affair. Although it is quite customary to give a wedding gift (understatement), theoretically it’s an altogether voluntary thing. It is considered appropriate to give from the heart according to the closeness of the relationship and one’s financial means. All that said, it’s surprising how narrow the range of gifts can be in a given community - most often that’s simply a result of word of mouth. </p>
<p>Personally, I would never base a gift on “covering the plate” and would give the same to a couple throwing their own wedding in the backyard (in fact, they probably need it more) as I would if invited to a lavish affair. Nevertheless, just on the basis of observation , the average cost of attendance in an area and the amount of a typical gift do seem to have some kind of rough correlation even if you don’t draw any cause and effect connection between the two.</p>
<p>Bottom line: Being invited to share in a significant event in someones life is a big deal. The gift isn’t about price, it’s about honoring the event, put some thought into it, try to be relevant to the couple and have a good time. Helping the couple have a memorable day is what you should be thinking about.</p>
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<p>Arrogant much, Pizzagirl? </p>
<p>Perhaps you haven’t heard that it’s vulgar to disparage someone’s economic or social status. It went out of fashion decades ago, along with sitting at the back of the bus. It’s okay to disagree on the merits of the point, but not to make broad generalizations about perceived “class” which frankly, no one cares about anymore. </p>
<p>Sheesh!</p>
<p>I totally agree that the gift should be based on how close you are to the couple and not on the lavishness of the wedding. I will give much more to a niece or nephew than to a co-workers son. Even if my niece were married in the backyard and my co-worker’s son at a country club.</p>
<p>However, the OP wanted an idea of what is a good range. I can understand that. We generally give around $100 for someone we are not very close to regardless of what kind of wedding they throw. We are in the midwest. My son recently got married and the gifts ranged from about $50 to about $500 not counting parents and grandparents. They had very generous grandparents. The lower end came from friends. They are young and some of their friends had just graduated or were recently employed. Higher amounts came from parents of their friends or relatives. Any and all gifts were appreciated and it didn’t matter if it “covered the plate”. Feel free to give what you can afford.</p>
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<p>You’re right, it is extremely crass of me and my husband to give very generous gifts to the bride and groom. I can’t imagine what we were thinking! We have always given gifts regardless of the nature/actual cost of the wedding, based upon what we would normally give at a lavish affair, but clearly a token gift of a fork off of someone’s bridal registry would have been much more thoughtful.</p>
<p>I hope that you are more gracious when someone presents you with a generous gift.</p>
<p>Yes, I am offended.</p>
<p>I grew up in the South - home to the “cake and mints at the church hall” reception. My mom still thinks she is being incredibly generous if she gives more than $25 and she’s not a stingy person. I had never heard the term “cover the plate” until I saw it on CC. I thought maybe it was a north/south thing.</p>
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<p>No one said it was crass to give very generous gifts to the bride and groom! More power to you! </p>
<p>What is crass, IMO, is what I said above – thinking about it in terms of “covering what the bride and the groom spent on my dinner.” Because it implies the mental tally-up of the events of the day. It implies that if they did punch and cake in the church basement, you’d come up with one figure and base your giving on that, and if they did filet mignon at the Ritz, you’d come with another figure and base your giving on that. It implies a quid pro quo. It implies that you’ll be more generous to people who happen to be able to afford more, and less generous to people who aren’t able (or choose not to) spend a lot. </p>
<p>I don’t think when you go to a wedding or other event you should give one moment’s consideration to trying to suss out what you think they paid for it.</p>
<p>sallyawp, I don’t think you need to feel offended. You make it clear that you don’t base your gifts on “covering the plate” or trying to figure out how much those giving the wedding spent, so the comment obviously doesn’t apply to you.</p>
<p>Cartera, speaking as a dyed in the wool Yankee, the term “covering the plate” is something I never heard before this discussion. Personally, I think that regarding wedding gifts as a payment for a meal is indeed vulgar, no matter what ‘social class’ one currently occupies, and no matter whether it is done by the B&G or the guest.</p>