<p>I wasn’t " registered" anywhere, and since H & I threw our own wedding, we didn’t think about hosting a meal- but my work friends chipped in together for a gift. ( just invited my friends, not the whole office 
).</p>
<p>If you are giving an actual gift, it is nice to have it either sent to their home in advance or where they prefer, so they don’t have to worry about it at the reception.</p>
<p>My daughter’s new boss is getting married. She has worked there for a year, and at this desk (on a regular basis) for a month. This is a “show business” wedding. (Different than my husband’s law office for example.) The wedding is being held out of town so she is not invited. </p>
<p>Daughter and I went to registry store and picked out a centerpiece bowl. It is huge, beautiful, on her registry and on sale for $40.00. The bride called me daughter specifically to thank her profusely. </p>
<p>People should purchase gifts based on several things: relationship to the bride and groom, your age and oh gosh, financial ability to pay for the gift, and what they kids want. And lest you think that I am being a snob about financial ability I am not. If my daughter spent $250 on a gift it would have been inappropriate. If I spent $50, it would be inappropriate. Yes, I got a wonderful sale on the aforementioned gift. The bride (with whom we are not close, we are extremely close to her sister who is my child’s age) was thrilled. My budget for that wedding was based three guests attending the wedding. I have no idea what they are spending on the wedding nor do I care.</p>
<p>So where did “cover the plate” originate? It must have some sort of cultural origin. I know this does not help the OP, but an inquiring mind wants to know.</p>
<p>My daughter’s friend, from New Jersey, told me that he “had” to do it for a wedding. He was 21 at the time and it was a lavish wedding. I thought it was “wrong” that he felt that he had to spend $300 on a gift. </p>
<p>I may have heard that vaguely during Bar Mitzvah year for my son. But I never paid attention to it.</p>
<p>sallyawp - I agree that you are really not doing the “cover your plate” thing if you use a higher end affair as a loose point of reference but spend the the same thing regardless of the level of the affair. You are just being generous with everyone in that case. I’d be very upset if a young person or someone who couldn’t afford to give so generously felt they needed to do that, though. </p>
<p>I have seen people who really do have this mindset to the extreme. I once actually saw someone at a modest affair tear up an already written check and write up a new one. That was pretty gross.</p>
<p>^^^^^^gross and a sign of bad breeding.</p>
<p>When H and I married, his family was wealthy and mine, except for a few examples weren’t wealthy (and there weren’t many of us). I do remember the “best” gifts. I registered for glass or crystal bowls and/or vases (no brand or price point) and I received a stunning Waterford crystal bowl, a Steuben vase, some Baccarat, wine glasses that are still sold today and are $5.00 a stem, and a lucite salad bowl that…wait for it…I absolutely loved and use to this day. I am not saying which of these things came from what side of the family, but they were from both sides. </p>
<p>The guests saw the china and silver that I wanted and received and went from there.</p>
<p>One thing I don’t care for is when brides don’t register for a wide range in terms of price point. Yes, they may have friends / relatives who will spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, but esp if they are young / starting out, they need to realize that there will be people who can only afford to spend a small amount. I went to one wedding where the cheapest registry item was $250. I thought that was incredibly ungracious on her part.</p>
<p>I give based on what I feel is appropriate and have never considered “covering the plate”. I never heard of that concept until a few years ago. I tend to give cash, but each circumstance is unique. I went to a wedding last fall and the couple had been together for 7 years and only registered for china and crystal. In that instance, I figured it was something they really wanted, so I gave them a place setting of their china rather than cash.</p>
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<p>I completely agree. So presumptuous.</p>
<p>Oh please, I think people should stop coming here to tell others they have no class. If you have a valid view point, state it as such, not to call someone without class to make your point. If everyone has so much class, no one would be asking what to wear and what to give at weddings. Good thing this is over an internet, and no one is saying in person. It is a big wide world out there…Flying business class a few times doesn’t make somone upper class.</p>
<p>What I have found interesting on CC is there is a lot of different customer among different culture and different regions. It is important to respect different regional, social economic, culture differences. Just because it is done differently doesn’t make it wrong or rediculous as some people like to make it appear.</p>
<p>When we were just out of school, my husband and I gave gifts that we wanted: grills, coolers and hammocks. Now that I am older, I still love to give gifts that I want. Right now, I have just purchased a lovely Wilson Armetale baking pan and another side piece to go with it. I would love to own a beautiful pan for lasagna. I was always taught that no one is ever required to give you a gift, let alone one of a certain price. By the way, this wedding present I just bought is for a wedding that I didn’t even get invited to- I just wanted to let the bride know that I wish her the best. I do think geography is playing a role in this debate. Where we live, a hundred dollars would be considered a fine amount. If the relationship was closer, then the amount may be higher.</p>
<p>The idea that a wedding gift should “cover the plate” may come from the hope that the bridal couple will have a “nest egg” after the wedding is paid for - money for a down payment on a house or for savings. I’ve never heard this specific term, and I doubt many guests actually try to figure out how much their dinner will cost, but it’s a rough gauge. It doesn’t imply a quid pro quo as some have asserted, it implies a wish that the couple have something left over with which to start their life. To me, this seems quite thoughtful and generous. I will add that it is only a gauge and guests who give more, less or something else are equally appropriate.</p>
<p>However, it is interesting that we have a Miss Manners board sitting in judgment pointing out what is crass, ungracious or vulgar, making sure that all of us lower socioeconomic types are put in our places.</p>
<p>I apologize. I was probably using the board to blow off too much steam! Friends??</p>
<p>Hi Pizzagirl,</p>
<p>Apology accepted - I usually look forward to reading your always thoughtful comments, and I was dismayed that you came down hard on me! I guess weddings do bring out the ire in people.</p>
<p>Friends, pizza! I for one loved that post you made. I started laughing out loud because I had made the opposite assumption–that it was the higher fallutin’ socio-economic types who were worried about whether they had “covered” the plate. I have never heard that idea mentioned/considered in my rural working class/farming part of the country. Part of my bias was/is due to other earlier threads where this subject was discussed.</p>
<p>I do agree with other posters who stated this may well be a regional thing, and yes, the cost of a wedding (I’m guessing) is definitely higher in NYC than here. Most weddings here are church and receptions are community center type, often with a hog roast and side dishes. Infinitely better than the chicken/side/rolls stuff in pans over little flames. Cost = someone donates the pig and someone supplies the men who roast the pig with some beer. I should clarify–we’re not talking Dukes of Hazzard type thing for the actual reception–the reception areas are nicely decorated appropriate to a wedding.</p>
<p>My H’s niece was married in an exquisitely planned ceremony in a remodeled train depot last fall–harp/violin, beautiful decorations, open bar, terrible buffet food. Wedding party started the drinking in a.m.; wedding at 7 p.m. A bridesmaid, pregnant no less, actually passed out during the ceremony. Haven’t rec’d a thank-you yet either. (sorry, my personal vent). TACKY AND CLASSLESS–the whole way around!!</p>
<p>These are the reasons my mother strongly encouraged me to elope!! haha.</p>
<p>^^^Sorry, no pig on a spit here. One…two…three…(snob you are thinking, which I may at times plead guilty)…We’re Jewish, no roasted pigs.</p>
<p>Sushi yes! Pig…not so much.</p>
<p>Don’t expect the thank you note of our time. We have been to three weddings recently. EACH time we received a postcard, with a picture of the bride and groom holding a sign saying THANK YOU! Anne and Andrew and the address printed from the computer. Warms my heart.</p>
<p>Sheesh! It takes SO little time to write a thank-you note!</p>
<p>I find it very sad that we now think it’s “good” if we even get a thank you note. It’s a sore subject with me. I have failed at a lot of things in parenting, but I can say that my 3 kids, 13, 19 and 21, (oldest 2 boys) know that if someone gives up their time/money to attend a significant event for them–Christmas, birthday, graduation, 4H trophy sponsorship, etc., that the proper thing to do is immediately write a handwritten, personal thank you note. They even know one has to address an envelope, use a STAMP, and take it to the post office. I started them when they were little and it’s an automatic, and I think appropriate, response.</p>
<p>My youngest daughter often invites friends to our lake house in the summer. After one such weekend, we received a thank you note from her friend. In her note, she mentioned several highlights of the weekend that she particularly enjoyed. I have to say, I was impressed. We’d never received a thank you note before for having a guest out to the lake. Thank you cards do seem to be somewhat of a lost art.</p>
<p>I sent a gift of 12 wineglasses ($200) from the bride’s (cousin’s daughter) wedding registry at Macy’s after I received the save the date—I sent the gift weeks ahead of time as I was flying from Fl to NY and just bc I was excited for this very cute couple…both close to 40 first marriage for both. </p>
<p>I received a thank you note for the gift, “for thinking of us”…was a bit concerned they might not have realized it was the actual wedding gift. At the wedding gave a card with my best wishes…then following the wedding didn’t get a thank you for attending…reading your posts here I realize that may not be unusual. As a single mom with 2 kids in college and a younger son, I thought I was being generous as this involved flying up just for the wedding…</p>