Some of you know that I had a relative who was, at one time, very wealthy. He had lots of friends and relatives then. He was not a nice person, read that as you wish. He did lose all his money and became homeless. He lived with us rent free for3 years. So…he died yesterday. Since he was estranged from all his friends and relatives (except us)) how do I deliver the message? Call and leave a message??? “Hi, this is Ellebud…the uncle is dead…no funeral plans and no money.” Facebook? To all who knew him…the uncle is dead? Or…the Uncle is dead…no money for the family?
Obit in the paper, email people if you have their email addresses, facebook message. Unless someone was actively in his life recently, I personally see no need for a phone call.
I also don’t see why money needs to be part of the message at all.
Insight on Character: The Uncle said to me that he had started an account for me in the Caymans. It would have about 45 million dollars. (not happening…ever). All I “had” to do was to smuggle it in to the US. I said that you, but I don’t look well in orange. I’d pay my taxes…what he did was up to him.
He was quite distressed that I would dream of paying taxes…but then again my guess is that he wasn’t paying taxes through most of his life.
Why mention money? Because that was why he had so many friends/relatives.
You handle it like every other death in the family for millions of people.
Obit in the paper in any hometown he lived and then call anybody close to him (relatives/friends) to give the news. It’s not about money–it’s about letting people know there is a death in the family
Bevhills–there will always be funeral plans even if the plans are “no service planned”. Nothing is ever said about " no money"…that’s an entirely separate issue which is never part of a funeral announcement.
Take one step at a time. And I’m very sorry for your loss and having to deal with this. It’s tough no matter the circumstances.
It would be very odd to mention money. Just email or call the people who might want to know a simple message that Joe X passed away on XX after a long illness (or whatever). If you want, you could add that you are not aware of any funeral plans, but you don’t even need to say that.
Unless you’ve been appointed the executor of whatever meager estate he might have (ie none), it is not your place to mention money at all. And if I were you, I wouldn’t accept appointment as an executor in any event.
Please note: I am not mentioning money to the relatives one way or another. What I said (or thought I did) is that he had money at one time and he was very popular. When he lost his money he lost his friends and relatives. We did take him in. Mr. Ellebud did everything that he could to assist him legally. We did what we did because it was “right”. Am I in charge of his estate? Yes. But there is nothing of value monetary or possessions to be passed around. All he had was his clothes. I bought those. And per my request they will be donated.
bevhills–it doesn’t matter how much money he had or didn’t have nor how you presen.tly THINK people consider him now. You are pre-judging responses.
Just print the obits and call people who seemed close or need to know. You don’t need to call everybody–the grapevine is very active. Ask those you call to spread the news.
It’s tough under the best circumstances. I get the vibe you’re not happy that you got stuck with this duty because you DID do the right thing. Believe me, you get major kudos for taking care of family no matter the circumstance. Gold stars!
I get the idea that bevhills anticipates the reaction to the news of his death to be questions about what money he might have had left and who is going to get it. In other words, “What’s in it for me?” In this case, rather than fielding questions from everyone who hears the news, I can see where bevhills might want to include a statement in her email saying there is no estate to disburse.
When someone dies in my (very large) extended family it is done by email. We have everyone in a group, so doing the email is easy. Most times, the persons immediate family will contact my mom (who is the go to family news person and send-er-outer about everything) and she sends out the info to everyone else. They contact her with the funeral arrangements and she sends another email to all.
I would just send an email telling them he died and funeral arrangements are pending.
An email including a statement saying " there is no estate to disburse" sounds pretty distasteful. Print an obituary, or don’t, and move on. Sorry for your loss.
If he really had nothing when he died, or only had debt, be aware that you are NOT obligated to open probate. Let any creditors come after any assets that might exist.
When my MIL died 2 years ago with no will and nothing but debt (and delinquent taxes both fed and state) and a condo that was underwater and nearly ready to go to foreclosure, I did some research. Found out that my husband was not obligated to open probate, that it made more sense to just let whichever bank or mortgage company carried the mortgage on the condo to go ahead and come after it or any other teeny assets that might be out there somewhere. No way did it make sense to go through all the mega hassles of the probate process for an estate that had NO value.
I’m sorry you have been going through this. I would only call those you care to discuss it with, and email those you don’t really want to talk to. I would mention there is no estate to those relatives that you would just normally tell that stuff. It will get around.
I only suggested mentioning “no estate” to these people because her description of them sounds like that’s all they were interested in. She said they were only friends of his while he was wealthy and distanced themselves after.
You don’t have to write an obituary. Just send out an email to immediate family. “I thought you’d like to know Uncle ___ passed away. There will be no memorial service.” (Unless of course there will be one eventually, it’s not required either.)
Thank you for probate help. There is no money that we were aware of. How do I know that people were interested in him for his money? My uncle became homeless10 years ago. One week after he moved in I started chemo. I did call several of my cousins. I received the same response from 3 different people…Sorry about the chemo…tell the uncle that we moved…tell the uncle that we are living in our daughter’s house…we’ve moved. Ha Ha you got this one! Please don’t call.
I invited him to stay here because of my mother. They were estranged for many years…why is not important now. A few months before she died she mentioned in passing that she was worried about her brother. All of her worries came “true”. I took care of him for my mother.
I am sending emails to my family and friend. (Thank you for the excellent suggestion.)
@bevhills, your mom is surely smiling down on you for the kindness you have shown her brother. I’m sure you sleep well at night. My condolences and good for you to honor your mom in this compassionate way.
Echoing HImom – You were a blessing to your uncle when nobody else could/would be. The love and compassion you shared was witnessed by your children. What a great example for them. Surely your mom would also be proud and feel blessed. My condolences, bevhills.
hrh and himom Thank you