<p>You will not be able to protect your D emotionally. Trust in the fact that you have brought her up well; she knows your moral code; she knows right from wrong and she has an open communication line with you. Try not to show disappointment or disapproval - I am sure she already feels some of it and that is not why she went ahead with her plans. If, as you wonder, she did it to throw it in your face then there are other things here to worry about.</p>
<p>OP, say she didn’t tell you she was going and wound up in a car accident or getting hurt while away. since you seem to be close, wouldn’t you be upset that she was out of town in a big city that you didn’t know about? I know my mom would have been when I was 19.</p>
<p>Crashing at another room on campus happens all the time. Going to a big city for a night is a bit different.</p>
<p>I never gave my mother a play by play of where I was crashing each night but if I was going to go to another city for a weekend I gave her a heads up for the above reasons while in college.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>
<p>What FenderGirl said. If she is on campus and something happens to her, that is one thing. If she is off in a city, she’s not under the protection of her university. The police there do not have your contact information, do not know to call you, would have zero idea of how to help her if, for example, she and her boyfriend were crime victims. </p>
<p>Here is another thought. Lots of today’s twenty and thirty somethings were in college on 9/11. If something like that were to happen again, would you want to know that your kid was in that city, or would you want to think that she was safe in her dorm in the suburbs?</p>
<p>Stop thinking that she is throwing it in your face. Trust me, you want to know where the heck your kid is.</p>
<p>Thanks aries.</p>
<p>To this day, I still try to give my mom a heads up if I’m leaving my area for an extended period of time. Crashing the night at a place local to here… No… But if I’m going to be several hours away for more then two days or so i think it’s the courteous thing to do. For one reason just to let her know my house will be empty so no reason to go out of her way and drop in for a visit (doesn’t do this very often but occasionally stops by with lunch as a surprise)… But also in case something happens. </p>
<p>I also let my neighbors know when I’m away for more then three days so they can get my mail and keep an eye on the house.</p>
<p>A few years ago my cousin was in a car accident in another state. wound up having major surgery and was in the hospital for a week or so. His parents knew he was there for the weekend. Imagine if that were your kid that you got a call about and you didn’t even know they were there in the first place. </p>
<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>
<p>It is not just our kids who shift gears in college, we have our growing to do as well. While it is likely that many will make some choices that we can not whole-heartedly endorse, I am with those who want to who my kids are with and where they are. It lays the ground work for a mutually trusting adult relationship going forward.</p>
<p>These types of experiences are how they learn who they want to be as adults and it is not always a detour-free trip. When I was with my college boyfriend sophomore year, my mother was blown away when we came home for a visit. Her comment: “He’s a MAN. You have brought home boys before, but this is different.” I was 19, he was 20. Happily, this “man” has been my husband for 35 years. OP- you have had this happen as well. I would focus on keeping lines of communication open so that if there are significant red flags in the future, you have not already made yourself the “mom who cried wolf”. I am learning not to spend my parental capital on the smaller things. It’s a process. </p>
<p>Good luck to all.</p>
<p>I have been notorious for arriving home unexpectedly - from hundreds of miles away. But someone always knew I was, and my parents knew where to find me.</p>
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<p>I agree with this post. I went to school in Ann Arbor and took two overnight trips to Chicago with my BF while I was there. If my mom had found out I’d done that and not told her, for safety reasons, she’d have LOST IT! I always told her if I was going to be leaving town. I am fully on my own now and engaged and I still tell her when we are going to be leaving town. Was she thrilled at the idea I might have been having sex back in college? Probably not! But you have to focus on the big picture, I think. She is a smart girl who feels she can be honest with you. That is huge. If she gets into trouble, she will tell you and let you help her. That is so important.</p>
<p>Put me in the its great that she lets you know team. </p>
<p>My son is 26 and lives at the other side of the country. Obviously we don’t know the minutiae of his daily life (though, happily, he communicates much more with us than he did as a youngster), but he still tends to give us a heads up if he will be traveling away from his home.</p>
<p>I don’t really understand why you are upset. I’d much rather have a child that communicates with me than one that does not. Would you prefer that she did not?</p>
<p>I agree with OP that this is a bit odd. The daughter didn’t at all need to let mom know what she’s doing, so it seems a bit “in her face” to let her know. Communication is a good thing, but I feel that certain aspects of our children’s lives – particularly their sex lives – should be something kept to themselves.</p>
<p>This is a bit creepy, imo. Assuming ‘going to a hotel for the night’ is code for ‘going to have sex’, why would she tell you that? Would you text her and tell her if you and your husband/wife went for a romantic night away?</p>
<p>I guess I don’t see what’s so creepy about this. The D wanted her mom to know she was going out of town, what the staying arrangements were, and who she’d be with. No one needs to go out of town to have sex. Anything more is “reading into” the situation.</p>
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<p>Even that’s a bit odd for a college student, no? I’d say anything beyond ‘going to the city with the bf’ is TMI. Maybe the daughter is testing the waters of making clear that she is sexually active?</p>
<p>Depends what the OP meant by " I never brought it up again. Today I received a text from her, telling me she was going into the city for the night with her BF. No sightseeing etc. Basically just going to the city to check into a hotel for the night and come back to campus tomorrow."</p>
<p>Maybe OP is misreading too much into this? It could mean “no sightseeing, just staying in the hotel room”, which we all seem to be assuming. Or it could mean that they are going just for one night for dinner and a show etc.</p>
<p>Call me a skeptic but this topic from a first post. On a Friday night. And the mother told the D she wasn’t comfortable with this situation and the D texts the very next weekend and is doing the thing the mother said no to. My kids might not do what I want them to but rarely do they flaunt it in my face. </p>
<p>And maybe there are college kids who go away for the weekend all the time with their SO but if my kids go out of town, it’s usually with a ton of their friends squeezed into one hotel room. They can have sex whenever they want at college. When they go out of town it’s to have fun. Even fraternity formals were not one couple to one room.</p>
<p>But your kids might be different than mine. Besides the fact that renting a hotel room when you are under 21 isn’t easy and I’m sure it’s harder in “the city”.</p>
<p>“Even fraternity formals were not one couple to one room.”</p>
<p>Eww I forgot about that. Around here it was common wisdom that you shouldn’t agree to be a guy’s date to a formal unless you were comfortable putting on ‘a show’.</p>
<p>I totally agree with Romanigypsyeyes. I let people know when I go somewhere so they don’t worry if they can’t contact me for a while. My son does the same. It’s a safety thing.</p>
<p>^ But is that really necessary in the age of smartphones, unless you expect to go somewhere without signal?</p>
<p>^ What does smartphones have to do with anything? </p>
<p>It’s really a matter of safety to let someone know where you’re at and who you’re with. </p>
<p>We live in a scary world. Things happen. Better safe than sorry IMO. I don’t get it. Really, I don’t. It just seems like common sense. If I’m leaving the city, I want my parents to know and I’m a bit older than the OP’s D (not much). Imagine if there was an accident or something like that.</p>
<p>The daughter could have let her roommates and friends know where she is. IMO, she is throwing this in front of her mother.</p>
<p>It’s not the roommate’s job to keep track of where roommates are at IMO.</p>
<p>And then what happens if they don’t come back the next day? Do the roommates try to track them down? What if they can’t? Do they then contact the parents who might be upset that their child didn’t tell them that they were leaving the city?</p>
<p>It just seems so much easier to let the parents know.</p>
<p>We don’t live in an especially scary world. If you are an adult, and you have a cellphone, then there’s no need to tell your parents when you are going out of town for the night. If there’s an accident, the paramedics will get your ID from your wallet.</p>