She’s not “on her own.” Nor is she a “guest” in her parents’ lives. She is living in their home, so “calling the shots” may not be part of the deal of living with her parents, particularly if it’s rent free.
On her own and calling the shots would come with living independently (in most cases).
Both my Ds have left for or are soon leaving for grad school. If they need to come live with us after obtaining Ph.Ds and JDs, I’m going to be pretty bummed.
I wasn’t addressing living with parents – only the relationship/rules after adulthood.
OTOH, living with mom and dad is not an option in this household regardless of “need.” Just part of learning to fend for your adult self.
^^^Ok, but the OP who is asking the question will be unemployed and living with her parents, IIUC.
I lived with my parents for a couple of months after I graduated while I saved money for a car and apartment. I got out of there as fast as I could, and I know my parents were happy with that as well.
The only rules I remember were to not stay out “too late.” That caused some issues. I get it now that I’m a parent, but after years of living with no one to answer to in that regard, I chafed.
Each case is different.
Even though I had a job that was going to pay for housing, I had to go live with my parents for a month and a half.
As I was in ROTC, I went to the military. However, they decide when you will you start. I had friends basically start days after graduation to those who waited 5-6 months to start. As we didn’t get paid till we started, some had to get jobs for a few months.
What difference does it make who paid for college? Seriously…why would that matter…at all?
Our kids both lived at home for periods of time between either something and school…or between jobs. We exoected them to be considerate of the adults living here who were working. Kids were expected to clean their own rooms, do their own laundry, and let us know if they were going to be gone overnight…or have guests here.
Both were respectful, and also contributed to household chores, and the like.
Oh please. This is just a poppycock statement.
I don’t think the OP made living arrangements clear.
@prpinrni: Are you planning to live at home after graduation? Where do you live now? Are you in a dorm at school or do you live at home and go to school? I wasn’t making the assumption you planned to live in your parents home after graduation.
I went back and read the OP’s posts. It’s implied, but never explicitly stated, that he/she will be living at home, due to the fact that she doesn’t have a job lined up.
Yes, @prpinrni, can you clarify? Because I think most responses will be vastly different based on that.
The rules in my house would be the same whether the OP plans to live with his parents or not.
^^^wouldn’t that be the case for all? I think the OP is trying to compare what our rules for our kids would be vs. her parents’ rules, to see if they seem reasonable. I wouldn’t set rules that my D clean up her kitchen after cooking in her apartment, but I would expect that from her in my home. Little things like that.
Ah I thought I recognized the OP. This is the poster who couldn’t figure out why the average person doesn’t have a degree when everyone he knows does. The concept of selection bias was completely lost on him.
Take that for what it’s worth.
Also my parents and I stay at each others houses quite frequently and it would be weird to think of each other as guests or just friends. I guess we still feel a familial obligation to each other.
This may very well be us at the end of the year. Yes, there will be a curfew. DH does not sleep well when the kids are coming and going. He works 12 hour days and has a busy, stressful job. He’s not a heavy sleeper to beging with and is usually exhausted by the end of the summer. For his sake, we can’t live with someone coming and going whenever they please.
This is not to stifle or be grumps, it’s just our house and how we want to live in it.
My daughter will be moving back home for what I think will be about 3 months.
She will have one rule: to clean up after herself.That includes putting her dirty dishes in the dishwasher and no hoarding dishes/glassware in her room. She knows that. She won’t have curfew, etc., rules – she didn’t even have them in high school. She’s done her own laundry since she was 14 and often contributes to the food budget when she visits.
Basically, if she weren’t a mature adult we wouldn’t allow her to move in with us. But she’s great, self-supporting, and would like a few months’ break from paying rent to afford a car, something she didn’t need where she was living/working after college, and something she will need now that she’s moved back to her hometown to attend grad school. I’m totally cool with that decision. In fact, I’m looking forward to having her around more, if only for those months.
If S doesn’t go immediately to grad school, I’m pretty sure that he will end up living with us for a few months. The “rules” will be the same as when he is home for breaks. Tell us if he will be coming home or staying out all night. Pitch in with the housework when asked. Attend church with us on Sundays. But these are rules that work for our family. I don’t think every family is the same, or should be. My thoughts are: the parents own the home and pay the bills, they should be able to set rules. But if they want a good long-lasting relationship with their kid, they shouldn’t make rules too onerous. OTOH, if the kid doesn’t like the rules, move out.
Back in the Stone Age, I loved with my family from March to August…I graduated in March and my job started at the beginning of September.
I paid $50 a month rent, contributed to groceries, bought food I wanted that otherwise would not have been in the house, cleaned up after myself, did my laundry, ran errands for the family, drove my little sisters around (two were still in HS), treated my parents to dinner out every so often (nothing fancy), and did not stay out until the wee hours of the night.
Basically…good manners.
I expected the same from my own kids.
I want to be an example after I graduate. I want to be the only one of my peers who’s not a burden to their parents. I want other parents to tell my parents how jealous they are of them in that they still have to support their kid but my parents don’t have to support me.
Here’s another perspective. I graduated from college at age 20, just short of 21st birthday, in the late 1970’s. Despite being reasonably young, the last thing in the world I would have done would have been to move back to my parents’ home. They are/were very decent people, but the family dynamic was one I couldn’t wait to leave and would never have voluntarily returned to. I got a job, not my ideal job, and had roommates to avoid the parental home.
I consider the fact that my kids, if need be, would have been happy to return to our family home as a tribute to the familial relationships we developed. We didn’t have anyone with us long term, but they are pleased to visit and we enjoy supportive interactions no matter where they live.
How is 20 young? Don’t most people graduate in their early 20s? This is a little weird. Someone who wasn’t much older than you when they graduated said they were old.
Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. Didn’t you get over that yet? As my kids would say, “You do you”. What works for you and your family, and what eventually gets you launched as an adult is all that matters. It is not a competition.
@prpinrni , parents talk about many things. But you may be surprised how little we talk about our college students. And furthermore, my children are many things – exasperating, exhiilirating, fabulous, flawed, magnificent — but there has not been one second of their lives where they were a burden. Not. one.