Didnt know you were wfh. That would be a challenge.
I think that was very good of you to consider your needs. You knew that you couldn’t 100% watch this child and be able to supervise her the way her parents would watch her.
I couldn’t really focus on watching someone else’s adult child, in, of all cities, New York City.
My husband actually took three weeks off, this past summer, before our daughter’s wedding. It all had to do with Last minute things that came up: ferrying spoiled family members to what, they considered, a destination wedding here in San Diego. He’s a very patient man but he was very busy those last two weeks. I don’t blame you for knowing that things come up during a very busy summer time.
You don’t have time to be a babysitter.
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There’s a saying that goes something like “just because you ask doesn’t mean you’ll get what you want”. It’s unfortunate his timing didn’t work, and the only way I could think of that might have possibly worked is clearly not an option. You will look forward to seeing them when they are in town. Period.
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“Askin’ ain’t gittin’”
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I am a, “pleaser,” and I have a hard time saying, “No.” But, I am getting much better at it!
It is easier to take back a, “no,” than it is to take back a, “yes.”
I’ve learned, “That doesn’t work for me,” is a sufficient answer. And, that I don’t have to lead with an apology prior to writing/saying that. I apologize too much as well.
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It’s pretty nervy asking someone to host a child you aren’t close to for 2 weeks, period. If they don’t consult your calendar ahead of making plans, that’s even more presumptuous.
Even close friends have rarely stayed more than a few days at our house and S doesn’t like us staying much more than a long weekend with him.
If your culture is long stays with others and them with you, that’s one thing. It doesn’t sound like it’s part of your culture and isn’t part of mine.
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Well, my kid has stayed with several cc friends around the country. Thanks, again, y’all!
But two weeks right before your d2’s wedding is a big ask. I don’t blame you for saying no.
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My DD was hosted for a month at a complete stranger house when she did one of her internships. I posted on MIT parents page asking for suggestions and one mom mentioned it to her neighbor and that neighbor offered to host her. To this day I am grateful to both moms.
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Host a teenager for two weeks that I don’t know and am not related to? That’s a big ask. It would be one thing if I knew the kid, and knew I could trust there would be no trouble, and it was good timing for me. But otherwise, that’s really expecting a lot.
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I agree with everything said (especially the cultural difference as my Dad was from South America) and my aunts would stay for 2-3 month visits.
Personally, if someone argues with my “no”, it makes me irritated that I dig my heels in even further. How dare they?
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Thank you for your support. I was feeling a bit guilty because I know it’s hard for people to ask, and then be turned down.
I originally thought maybe I could manage it, but then started thinking about taking care of an underaged child while working and busy with the wedding just overwhelmed me.
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Don’t feel guilty! That was a big ask at an inconvenient time where you need to focus on the wedding. It’s totally ok to say ‘no’!
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A post was merged into an existing topic: Dressing Young (2024)
I’m guessing that figuring out NYC accomodations for a teenager for 2 weeks seems a little intimidating. NYC is SOOO much. So big, so expensive, so expansive. Asking you probably felt like a quick problem solver and one they would be comfortable with.
Of course you are at no obligation and even with no WFH and no wedding 2 weeks is a long time - it would be for me if I was used to being largely alone (or me and H).
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OP, gGliven everything you had going on, that would have been hard. No need to feel guilty.
As another perspective, I have a couple of NYC friends who quite happily have taken in the children of friends for a couple of weeks at a time. (Usually from abroad.) Many have that extra room vacated by their own kids. They have seen it as an opportunity to connect with a younger generation and feel that expanding their social circle in this way “keeps them young”.
I am always happy to have younger visitors like this but where we live is less attractive. 
The responsibility for a younger guest could feel daunting. Having said that, when we’ve had guests, I’ve always welcomed the opportunity to take them around and see the familiar with new eyes. I do think this depends so much on your lifestyle, how much solitude you need, your living situation, etc.
You should definitely not feel guilty! Planning a wedding is stressful enough. Truthfully after you explained the whys it makes me a little mad they tried to convince you otherwise.
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I would feel guilty saying no. I think I’m light of the timing you did the right thing. I also would have given all the reasons but I’m working on saying “that won’t work for me” or “no” being a complete sentence.
Two weeks is a lot to ask even under the best circumstances. I also have friends who never go to a hotel. They figure it doesn’t hurt to ask and aren’t offended when someone says no. We are hotel people.
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My home is small, but I’ve hosted dozens of people, H’s sisters are coming this weekend, my niece is spending the summer here for her NYC internship (which should be interesting, there will be 6 people living here, 4 cars, 3 internships, plus 2 have to get to work, 1 1/2 bathrooms - niece has 5 1/2 at home plus her own car). However, if I had my daughter’s wedding coming up, no way, I’d be way too stressed.
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FWIW Remembering back to the couple of weeks before my D’s wedding there is absolutely no way I would have wanted a houseguest – no less a teen who I had never met before.
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I cannot remotely imagine committing my teen to a program in a distant city, and then asking a friend (who had never met said kid) to host her. How is it okay for this friend to make you feel responsible for facilitating this, when you weren’t part of the conversation before the decision was made? (And I assume there was nothing stopping him from consulting you in the pre-decision phase!) Being the adult in charge of a teen (and an unknown-quantity teen at that) in an unfamiliar city is a huge responsibility. I’m really wondering what this parent could be thinking, not just in terms of the nervy attempt to impose on you, but also in terms of his standards re: looking out for his own kid’s safety. Something is off about the whole thing, IMHO.
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