<p>Im a 19 year old girl and consider myself generally confident and well-adjusted. But since I was 12 or so, Ive been very self-conscious about my nose. Its long with a very bulbous tip. I was teased a lot in middle school, and though nowadays people are more polite, I know it still looks out of proportion to my face. I’ve really struggled with the idea of plastic surgery–whether I’m personally okay with the idea, and whether people would think I was horribly vain and insecure if I did it, but over the course of years, I decided I wanted to stop worrying and do something about it, ie get a rhinoplasty. I’ve done a lot of research into the risks, different techniques, different doctors, etc. </p>
<p>The problem is, I think my parents will freak out when I tell them. I’m not very close to my parents and don’t generally share my insecurities with them, so this is the first they’re hearing about it. They’re pretty feminist and not very image-conscious, and I think they’ll think it’s ridiculous and incredibly shallow. They have a “do what you want” attitude about most things, and I’m positive they wouldn’t care if I got piercings or tattoos without telling them, but I think they’ll view this differently. As an added issue, I’ve saved the money for surgery, but since my parents are paying the vast majority of my tuition, they could understandably argue that if I have extra money, I should just be paying more of my college costs.</p>
<p>Honestly, I’m less afraid they’ll forbid me to do it than that they’ll just say “whatever” and silently be deeply ashamed of me.</p>
<p>What would you tell your kid in this situation? Thanks for any advice.</p>
<p>I would hope that your parents would at least listen to your concerns and respect how important this is to you. They may not be image conscious, but this is your image not theirs. The fact that you have done all the research and saved the funds should signal to them how serious you are. I would be in tears if I found out my child held this in all these years because he was fearful of discussing this with me. The worst thing that can happen is that you will have to wait until you are done with school and out on your own.</p>
<p>We had our son’s ears pinned back and believe it was the right move. </p>
<p>Please remember that all surgeries come with some risk.</p>
<p>I guess it would depend on whether I thought your nose was REALLY such an issue. You might be making it a bigger deal than it is (no pun intended), in my mind, so then I wouldn’t be as supportive. But if, in the grand scheme of things, I agreed that surgery would make a significant improvement in your quality of like, then I might support it.</p>
<p>Two things make me think this way:</p>
<p>1) I had breast reduction surgery after my second son was born. They were truly huge, and it was life-changing. I became a runner, doing marathons and an ultra-marathon. That never would have happened without the surgery.</p>
<p>2) Hearing my ds describe his prom date’s nose as “larger than average.” (long story) Looking at the pics today, I guess I can see what he’s saying, but there are degrees. She’s a darling girl with, yes, I guess a slighty larger nose, but it’s certainly not some kind of outlier nose that would require surgery.</p>
<p>Well, I would be quite hurt to learn that my child had a major issue like this, of seven years running, and that she had devoted countless hours to research, and had saved perhaps thousands of dollars, and yet I had been told nothing of it. I would also be deeply ashamed that I had not figured it out on my own or, as Kajon said, that, for seven years, my child had been afraid to tell me.</p>
<p>So my first suggestion would be to be prepared in case your parents feel the way that I do.</p>
<p>As to what I would tell you: it’s hard to say. I would like to think that I would hear you out and balance my inclination to ask why you can’t wait until after college, when you can finance everything yourself without concern over who is paying for college, with the pain and need that I would find in your words and voice and facial expressions and gestures.</p>
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<p>Must you have their approval, without shame, to go forward?</p>
<p>So many people have work done today and there should be no shame involved at all. If you are unhappy, go for it. You are nineteen and do not have to tell them anything. Your doctor cannot say anything to anybody. </p>
<p>My daughter passed out and fell flat on her face, broke three teeth and her nose last year. The surgeon who did her tooth implant commented that he could fix the bridge of her nose as well (no one in our family thought that there was anything wrong with her nose). As far as I know, she doesn’t have any problem with her nose either, but if she did I would support her. </p>
<p>The few people I know who have had any kind of cosmetic surgery have been very happy with their decisions. My only added comment would be to agree with some previous posters about timing. It might be a very nice graduation present–to you.</p>
<p>I would feel this way too and I think this is excellent advice. That said, you sound as though you’ve given the matter a lot of thought. If you were my daughter, I’d make sure you had the best plastic surgeon around (board-certified and at a very good hospital) and you’d have my full support.</p>
<p>I say go for it—what ever makes you feel better—
I had one when I was about 17–I had a bump on the top of my nose–I am 47 now and can hardly remember why I did it–was the bump that bad?? At the time I guess I thought it was. My nose today is fine–not perfect—but I just don’t think much about it.</p>
<p>Funny thing though…I have a beautiful 20 year old daughter…guess who has my old nose? Goes to show some things you just can’t make go away.</p>
<p>One of our kids had a nose broken twice. And prior to college we decided to get it fixed. Yes, we found the best surgeon we could. (Went to our ENT who gave the recommendation after going to another doctor who my daughter HATED.) Listened to all the information. Weighed the pros and cons. And then WE as a family decided that this was the best thing to do for her, health (she had breathing issues) and self confidence.</p>
<p>It was the best decision that she/we could have made. Yes, her nose then matched her brother and sister’s…but there was a surprise after the doctor opened her up: unseen in the xrays because they indicated cartilege intact was a honeycomb of cartilege. They had to bring a prothesis into the nose. If she had bumped her nose again the whole thing could have collapsed.</p>
<p>Cosmetic surgery of some type is much more common among young people than one might expect. (Just off the top of my head, I can think of among my good friends’ children, one nose job, one breast reduction, and 2 jaw realignment surgeries.) People have cosmetic surgery for a variety of reasons and your reasons are sound. </p>
<p>I agree that your parents should be informed about something this important. I don’t know that they would necessarily be hurt that you haven’t discussed it with them before as it sounds as if you went through a process of doubt about whether to do the surgery. You could approach them gradually by explaining how self-conscious you are about your nose (even if others think it is an ok nose) and by telling them you have been researching getting a rhinoplasty. Then see how they respond to this. Try to get them to come along to your point of view. </p>
<p>I think you might regret going ahead with the surgery before airing the issue with your parents, even though you think you know how they would respond. Maybe their knee-jerk response is as you would expect, but hopefully they will come to respect and support your decision even if it is a decision that they wouldn’t have chosen for themselves if they were in your position. That is what raising an independent and thoughtful child is all about. And if they are understanding, they could help you find a very good surgeon.</p>
<p>Some parents are saying how hurt they would be to learn that their child had been considering rhinoplasty for several year without their awareness. No doubt, there are some parents who think their child should have the procedure and wish their child had indicated interest, but the parent was uncomfortable broaching the subject. </p>
<p>OP: you’ve come to a mature and well-considered decision after thinking this through for many years. The bottom line is that you are unhappy with the shape of your nose, and it can be surgically addressed. Talk to your parents and get a medical consultation to complete your research. Why wait another 10 or 20 years to have this procedure - it could be the best decision you ever made. </p>
<p>I got braces at age 48 and it was life-changing.</p>
<p>My g/f’s daughter also felt very self-conscious about her nose and receding chin. They discussed the issue, and agreed to wait until middle of senior year of college. The dtr did a lot of research on MDs, visited several, before deciding on the surgery.</p>
<p>The point is, the operation followed a discussion over several years. Sometime parents have adjusted to their own noses, and feel the child is being too sensitive. They need time to adjust, and then to part of the process.</p>
<p>My sister was in a similar situation as you. We’re Jewish and we have the stereotypical “Jewish” nose. While I personally think my sister is gorgeous (and that’s saying something since we don’t get along), she has been self-conscious of her nose since she was 14. When she told my dad about it (and demanded that he pay for it) he said he would support her but she had to pay for the process. By the time she finally got enough money (she was ~22) she decided that it wasn’t worth it. She realized that she had a great group of friends, a good job, and that her nose wasn’t hindering her in any way shape or form. Although, she has had a breast reduction since then because she had major back problems from her large chest.</p>
<p>My question is: if you don’t have a close relationship with your parents and you don’t think they’d approve, is it really worth telling them?</p>
<p>I guess it would depend on whether I thought your nose was REALLY such an issue.</p>
<p>Some parents are blind to the truth. Parents need to be objective…</p>
<p>I have two sons…the older one has a nose that fits his face (he has a large head…LOL…but he’s cute, so that’s ok…and his nose is normal sized). My other son’s nose is a bit big for his face, so he is going to get a nose job. </p>
<p>When the older son said that his nose is also big, we showed him that his nose is right for his face. It is not the least bit large…not at all (and I’m Italian so I know what big noses look like…LOL)</p>
<p>However, when the younger one decided his nose was too big, we really couldn’t argue with him because it is a bit big for his face. So, if he wants it trimmed down a bit, fine with us. </p>
<p>I recall a family when we were growing up; they had two girls. The older one sadly got the huge nose of her dad. The younger one got the cute nose of her mom. When the older one was old enough, she got her nose fixed…to look like her mom’s and sis’ noses. What a huge difference! (no pun intended.)</p>
<p>If you’re closer to one parent than the other, you might want to bring it up with him/her first and ask for help in discussing it with the other parent.</p>
<p>I had a nose job when I was 16 years old (my youngest is graduating college this year) because I had my father’s hooked, Jewish nose. On him, it looked fine but on me – no way. It was truly the right decision for me. My parents were very supportive especially my mother. I offered the same to my eldest if he ever wanted a nose job since he inherited my dad’s nose, but it definitely did not matter at all to him. Good luck and thinking of you.</p>
<p>My d has learned that her father’s initial reaction to new ideas is often negative, but after mulling it over he frequently comes around. He often needs to be convinced of the seriousness of my d’s request to overcome his reservations. So present a good case, and let them discuss and consider it.
When my d wanted her ears pinned back, my husband was worried about anesthesia first and then cost. He also mentioned putting it off but when he saw how earnest she was, my husband came around. We have never regretted it. You might tell them plastic surgery is one of those things the government would love to heavily tax and prices have fallen in a lot of areas. Even the best doctors are discounting so the time might be right.</p>
<p>A friend of mine had it done when she was in college, and away from her parents for awhile. She never told them or any of her friends from home except for me. And you know what??? Nobody noticed anything except that she looked better. Zero explaining to do to anyone. DO IT and have a friend you trust completely pick you up and let you stay with for awhile. If you are going to be gone from the people that you see regularly, and they won’t see you with the bandages on, they will NEVER KNOW.</p>
<p>My daughter does want a nose job - enough so that it is kind of a running joke – and I really don’t have a problem with it, even though I can’t pay for it. D is now age 22 & I wouldn’t help out with the financial end because I think she’s gorgeous the way she is – but the idea that she wants the nose job is not upsetting to me. I mean, I understand why. </p>
<p>I’d suggest just sending out some feelers, along the lines of commenting that you are “thinking” about maybe doing it, weighing pros and cons – and see what the reaction is.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that any mom who loves their kid will probably say something along the lines that you are already beautiful the way you are – but that doesn’t mean they object to it or will disapprove of the decision.</p>
<p>I think Jennifer Grey looked beautiful before her nose job ( and she regrets it perhaps because she had to have another surgery to repair the damage it did), but her nose still suited her face.</p>
<p>However- a Karl Malden type nose- would be a big burden for anyone but Karl to haul around.
I know one girl, who had her dads build and features ( her mom was also similar body type), * big guy, big bulbous nose*. I met her when I visited her elementary school class, and she wanted me to guess her name. I had no idea if she was a girl or a boy, thank heaven for androgenous names.</p>
<p>She has physically changed somewhat over the years, but when a feature is very dominant, and there is a chance of altering it without much risk as well as the interest and the funds- I think it is a reasonable course, especially when it has been carefully considered.</p>
<p>For example- I have had plastic surgery ( although my ins paid for it)
I had a breast reduction after I finished nursing my youngest.
They had always been very large for my body, made clothes difficult if not impossible to find, and were a general PITA- as I was not a stripper or otherwise needed them that size.</p>
<p>It was painful, the recovery didn’t go smoothly, but I am happy.</p>