Is recreational marijuana now legal in California? I thought it was Alaska, Oregon, Colorado and Washington.
OP, my concern is that if these parents do eventually find out about what their own kids are doing, they are going to hang the whole thing on your son. Ignorance is bliss for now, but that can change at anytime.
I would encourage him to expand his social group if he can - does he have cousins his own age nearby? Family can sometimes fill in the gaps on week-ends when teenagers hit a bump socially.
At my kids large public high school I would estimate between 50 to 70 per cent of the seniors either used weed or alcohol occasionally. I think it is better to have the act responsibly talk rather than the total abstinence talk
Post # 8 is totally out of line. Sounds like you have been doing some good parenting. It is tough to keep being a good parent.
He needs different friends. He should NEVER send an email that may implicate him in some wrong doing, even if it is in his past. Once sent he has no control over its contents- tell him this. Anyone could forward it to places where it could ruin prospects years later. Also- that email likely would make no difference to those parents.
Marijuana has side effects that are deleterious- one major reason to avoid it except for medical purposes. Think of it as a prescription drug, not for recreation. That’s the physician in me talking. The final verdict is not out on the mind and body effects. Narcotics have their place for pain but not fun as well as an analogy. One can legally choose to smoke tobacco and to drink alcoholic beverages with possible consequences. That doesn’t mean they are good for you.
It could be hard for him to switch gears and make new friends because of his past reputation. Keep up with your tough on drugs policies. He is paying the price for his past behavior but needs to not revert to it or the old friends. It will be tough but remind him it will make a difference once he leaves HS and goes off to college. You may also want to remind him that he is at risk for future drug abuse and help him find other coping skills.
Thank goodness my son had a large cross country crowd to hang out with. They ran for track as well. Perhaps he could get involved in running as mentioned above- there usually is room for all comers and everyone does the workouts and likely participates- JV not varsity. That would give him something to do with others and help get him away from temptation. Plus he may improve and boost his self esteem.
You probably don’t know the whole story, and consequently, neither do we. But you can support your son in his decision not to use weed by encouraging him to find activities that take him away from these “friends” and increase the chances that he’ll make new friends. If people can’t start over at 17, we’re all doomed.
@wis75 as a physician you should know that a little alcohol is good for your health. There are also lots of health benefits from Marijuana. Total abstinence is neither good nor practical for the vast majority of kids
I read the first post a couple of times and I am still not sure what happened. Son was caught after smoking by parents, but now all the other parents are forbidding the 17 year old from hanging out with their kids?
What exactly would this email say? “Sorry, Mr and Mrs Smith, I do smoke weed, but not much and so does YOUR son! So there. Now will you let me play with him?” Does he really think that will work for the parents or the other kids? So what if it is the parents restricting the contact (and I don’t think it is)? That’s a parents’ right (duty?). If your son has the reputation of a druggie, true or not true, the parents of other kids are going to want their precious sons to stay away from him.
If your story had said that son did do drugs, did drink, but has reformed and now wants forgiveness, that’s different. That’s something maybe the other parents could accept and then welcome him back to their homes. What he really wants is acceptance of his chosen lifestyle, a little weed, a little drinking by these parents. The parents of the other kids may be in denial, but that doesn’t mean they have to accept the little bit of weed and drinking. If the email ‘outs’ the other kids to their parents, do you think those kids will then want to be friends and hang out with your son?
I’d also look carefully at the situation if they’ve all been friends for many years. Did the other kids just develop other interests? Did they all share something in common as k-8 kids (boy scouts, church group, little league) and now that that is over they don’t have much in common as teens? My kids outgrew a lot of their friends, especially kids who were friends because I was a friend of their parents. The parents and I still liked to get together for meals or activities, but the kids weren’t as interested after age 12.
I read this as the opposite - the friends are still doing drugs so they don’t want OP son around because he’s already gotten in trouble and isn’t doing them now?
A woman who works with psychotic adolescents spoke at our local university recently. She said that she is convinced that marijuana CAUSES psychosis in some cases, not just in people predisposed to develop schizophrenia. And the problem is that when the young person stops smoking, the psychosis doesn’t go away. Their literal nightmare does not go away. It is very irresponsible to suggest that kids should be allowed to smoke recreationally. Psychosis is horrible. I know.
Also, it’s best to move on and make new friends, get a part-time job, go work at a camp for the summer - anything but pining after this group. I remember a couple guys getting “frozen out” of my older son’s class, and I do remember hearing rumblings about other parents thinking these particular kids were a bad influence. Since my son didn’t run with that crowd I didn’t worry about it, though I thought it was sad and a little scape-goat-ish.
This is painful but there is life after high school - I promise! Get him excited about college.
I’m also a little confused by what happened, but I agree with those who say don’t put anything in writing. I was just having lunch today with a friend whose sophomore dd is so black-and-white in her thinking, as most kids are. I get that your ds feels abandoned and righteous, but I think the bigger issue is to not admit in writing that he did drugs. He just doesn’t know what the parents will do with that information, and he could get in a lot bigger trouble. I think he’d understand that line of thinking. Right now he probably feels like you’re trying to keep him from doing what he wants to do and proving himself right.
In terms of what I think is happening … I think it’s an amalgam of what others have said, plus. I think the kids know he got in trouble, the parents know as well and they don’t want their angels to hang with them. Additionally, the kids are happy to go along with that plan because it makes it seem like they agree with the parents and will make the parents less suspicious that they are doing the same. He’s just collateral damage in their plan to keep doing drugs.
There are LOTS of scientific studies that indicate that there is no casual relationship between marijuana usage and psychosis. Psychosis is horrible. It is not caused by marijuana. Drinking too much water can cause death. It is called hyponatremia. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t drink water
You know, it isn’t useful to discuss whether marijuana is harmful or not. If nothing else, unfiltered smoke can’t be good for your lungs – and I lost a sibling to suicide when he developed psychosis as an adult after many years of heavy pot smoking. There ARE studies that show the link.
But that is actually beside the point for this poster, because it IS illegal for 17 year olds to use weed everywhere in the US right now. This parent (and the other parents) are perfectly within reasonable boundaries to say this is unacceptable behavior and put restrictions on. Before someone jumps in with the “every kid smokes weed, can’t stop 'em” – my kids wouldn’t touch weed. They had front row seats to my sibling’s decline and the effect of his death on our family, know there is a possible link between his heavy weed use and psychosis, and that possibly there is a genetic component to who is affected that way by marijuana use. My brother’s daughter won’t touch it either.
So… for the OP’s problem, I would tell your kid not to send the email. And stick to your guns on weed use.
The point of this is teaching our kids to be responsible. I disagree with a lot of the posters who say that the kid should find new friends. Lots of people and kids drink socially. Lots of people and kids use marijuana socially. That is the real world. Kids should be taught to not drive while under the under the influence or do anything stupid. That is what I have tried to teach my kids and it has worked out well. On many college campuses 90 per cent of the kids under the age of 21 use alcohol or marijuana or both. That is a reality. So it is better to teach our children to be well adjusted than to ignore the issues
I agree and I wrote it! It is silly isn’t it? After I wrote it I honestly thought maybe I’m the one who should have my head examined. Seriously? It sounds like something you’d get from a girl in the throws of drama…
