<p>Do you ever wonder (and worry) about posters who come on with what sound like serious problems that can’t really be addressed as well as you’d like over the internet, and who then fade into cyberspace?</p>
<p>I keep thinking about the dad who posted about his middle school daughter who seemed to be having an inappropriate (secret from parents, out of school visits, late night IM’ing, phone calls, etc.) relationship with a male teacher but whose wife wanted to close her eyes until the whole thing went away. Or the kid whose older, scary and abusive brother had just moved back home. Or the boy who had recently lost his dad, had been accepted I think to Penn., but was having such difficult issues with his mother that he might not be able to attend either because she couldn’t afford it or because she was withholding resources, hard to tell. I still think about the European diplomat’s kid with the borderline mom who was in so much distress and felt so hopeless. (Although I think she might have shown up with a new CC name and be OK – at least I hope it’s her!)</p>
<p>Generally, it seems that posters can offer each other advice, support, and assistance. Amazingly so, since this is a group of strangers. But occasionally, it seems pretty clear that someone who knows what they’re doing needs to investigate the situation or intervene face-to-face, make a phone call or a psych referral or a child abuse report.</p>
<p>I’ve often wondered, too. Honestly, though, I’ve often felt that many of those posts are simply bogus. I just can’t imagine people posting these kinds of stories online-- on a board like this, which seems totally inappropriate for their apparent problems. Posters here then respond with such earnestness, and sometimes the replies go on and on, post after post, page after page, and yet the OP never returns. So, more times than not, I think their stories aren’t real; the original posters are just playing games and are sitting back getting a kick out of all the heartfelt psycho-babble that the parents/students here give them in return. I’m sure a few may be real, but I suspect most are not.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure I know who this poster is because I’ve followed his posts (but not name him in case he doesn’t want this brought back up) and he’s now a sophomore at Penn doing fine AFAIK.</p>
<p>I agree about being left hanging. I belong to a few e-mail lists related to my profession. People will ask advice about situations that come up and everyone will chime in to help them. Yet it’s rare for them to come back on and tell “the rest of the story”. However, it is always more valuable when they do, as in Andi’s follow up story on these boards.</p>
<p>tsdad: As I said before, I’m sure <em>some</em> of those stories are real; I suspect most are not. My sense is that some just seemed too tragic and a bit overblown to be completely real. I also just can’t imagine, if true, those folks would spend the time (or have the time) to post their troubles on this board. Just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>Some are bogus. Some I think are real, and I think the reason they are posted is because of the ability to remain anonymous. The most troubling posts to me are those posted by people who seem to be isolated, to either not know how to find help in their own environments or feel there is none there. </p>
<p>Some posters, I think, like parents who post about their kids flunking out of school never come back possibly because their is no simple solution to the problem, and they may not want to come back and report that things are still unresolved or didn’t work out the way they had hoped. Or that the kids are still struggling/having major problems. Who wants to post that they tried everything and their kid didn’t make it? It is of course, wonderful to have a poster come back and post an update, but I think most who come back to post an update have reached some kind of resolution to the problem. Unfortunately, not every problem gets solved, not every situation ends happily.</p>
<p>Yes, I, too, am pretty sure legendofmax is ensonced at Penn. I have this via another student poster who sometimes “corresponds” with me via PM and knows legendofmax and his girlfriend (also a cc poster) IRL.</p>
<p>Not sure that a confirmation via PM by someone I only know by screen name is something you could take to court, but… :).</p>
<p>The European diplomat’s daughter is still posting, under another name. I personally find her writing extremely compelling and have high hopes for her acceptances. I try to encourage her when I can. Do other parents have anonymous kids they kind of take under their wings like that?</p>
<p>I’m the diplomats’ daughter. I’m impressed and deeply moved that several of you still remember my posts. :)</p>
<p>My family is still mostly a mess, somewhat less so now than last year, but I know better than to assume it’ll stay that way. My dad filed for divorce last April but hasn’t mentioned it since then, and I also know better than to ask. There have been fights, and I’ve cried myself to sleep more often than I’d like, but on the bright side I haven’t been chased out of the house or called a stupid whore (this to a girl with a 1560/1600 SAT who’s never had a date to a school dance, let alone had sex) in several months… so I suppose that’s good. :D</p>
<p>I still struggle with my self-esteem, but it’s improving (I’ve moved on from “I hate myself OMG” to “well… I guess I’m sort of okay”). It’s getting easier to detach myself from whatever craziness is going on around me and finding contentment within myself, and in the things I enjoy doing, instead of having to rely on other people to provide it for me… which is probably part growing up, part knowing that I don’t have to stay here for much longer. For so many years, the thought of going away to college has been the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, and although I haven’t been accepted anywhere yet, I’m feeling hopeful.</p>
<p>It’s not quite a success story, but it’s getting there, and if nothing else I can at least assure you that I’m very much legit. :p</p>
<p>Edit: And most importantly, thank you for everything. I appreciate it more than I know how to say.</p>
<p>If I do not have my beloved student posters confused (because yes, Alu, others of us do mentally “adopt” some of these kids), cameliasinensis is also a supremely talented photographer.</p>
<p>"Yet it’s rare for them to come back on and tell “the rest of the story”. </p>
<p>I’ve also found it rare on boards and listserves for people to come back and say “thank-you” to those who have busted butt trying to help them. This also often is true in real life.</p>
I got one the other day from a kid I helped with essays or so he said. It was heartfelt and moving. I just didn’t have the foggiest idea who he was. But it was still nice to hear.</p>
<p>A genuinely offered “thanks” for help offered is a lovely thing, though I think that everyone’s definition of “appreciation” differs slightly. When I first came to the forum, I was soundly criticized for answering so many posts to me with personal responses. At the time, I replied that I was raised in the south with southern manners and that I felt that if someone took the time/effort/initiative to post specifically to me, I like to acknowledge that whenever possible. It is also how I conduct myself IRL. My point is that my level of acknowledging/thanking was definitely not appreciated by everyone within the context of a public forum.</p>
<p>The issue of thanks notwithstanding, I feel that there are very important netiquette issues which are breached often on public forums because of the level of relative anonymity: politeness and mutual respect should be the essence of every post, PARTICULARLY controversial ones, but often that is not the case. That bothers me much more than someone failing to return and acknowledge help given, particulalry if the person seeking the help was really stressed or distraught at the time of making the original post.</p>
<p>Camelia – So pleased to hear from you directly. As you can see, a lot of people are pulling for you, able to see your strength and many lovely qualities even though cyberspace. Do keep us posted as the acceptances arrive and you have the opportunity to live in a new environment.</p>
<p>I think that some of the strong “relationships” that are forged here on the Parent Forum bud when OPs do, in fact, stay/come back to thank all who contribute to discussions of their issue - whether it be within the thread or via PMs. For others who post with problems, they probably see this as kind of like going to webMD for an anonymous burst of info. Perhaps they don’t think of us as real people who actually care about their situations.</p>
<p>I would say that a small portion of the kids I have helped with essays reply with any type of thank you. Those that do are always heartfelt and much appreciated. Probably two - of two dozen or more - have come back to tell me the outcome of their apps. These are really touching. It’s possible that some don’t because the outcomes weren’t all they had hoped for - that I understand. But when they have great success and never come forward with the thanks, it is disappointing… but probably matches up with today’s IRL frequency of people actually sending thank you notes or RSVPs - a lost art for way too many of quite a few generations.</p>
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But it was still nice to hear.</p>