<p>My high school freshman has a medical issue that causes him to miss school. One subject where this is hard is in his Arabic class because he’s not there to hear the pronounciation, and because I can’t help him at all. So I reached out to a bunch of people including the father of one of his soccer teammates who is Jordanian and also a professor at a local University. I thought perhaps he had some grad students who would be interested in earning some extra money. </p>
<p>Instead he’s offered to have my son come spend the afternoon with him on Sunday when he and his wife work with their kids on Arabic. He said that the boys could work side by side and my son could ask them for help as needed. It’s a very generous offer.</p>
<p>I was prepared to pay for tutoring, but I don’t think that’s the right thing. I thought about buying them dinner, maybe having something delivered, but I think they observe Halal so I wouldn’t know what to send. Any thoughts on what would be appropriate?</p>
<p>For background, I would describe the two kids (mine and his son) as friendly. They were in the same elementary class and did playdates and birthday parties as young kids, and then continued to play soccer together through middle school althought they were in different schools. They like each other, but they haven’t continued to get together off the field or seen each other since their soccer team disbanded last year. It seems like both boys are looking forward to getting together.</p>
<p>How about an Amazon Gift Card sent via email after your son’s first time with them. I think they might feel less uncomfortable receiving a cash type gift this way. Or, perhaps you can send an assortment of tea bags, hot chocolate, coffee and mugs with your son.</p>
<p>Will this be a recurring event or just one Sun? If it’s going to be for few Sun then I would get him something a bit nicer. Few years ago, when D2 needed tutoring for Sat II Chem. A teacher from her school volunteered to do it. He refused to take any payments from me. Instead of paying him, I got him a ticket to London using my points because his wife was spending the summer there. When a lawyer (parent of a student) helped D1 with her traffic ticket for free, I got him a bottle of port. Why don’t you find out what this man likes to do (food, sports, drinks…) and then get him a gift.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone. Peacefulmom’s suggestion is the kind of thing I’m thinking of, like a hostess type gift. I also thought of a gift card for movie tickets? I feel as though he’ll be joining the whole family, so something they can all enjoy. It’s a mom, dad, and 3 kids from 5 to 14.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this will turn into something recurring. The email I sent was basically, he’s fallen behind and we’re looking for someone this weekend to help him catch up because he’s got 2 unit tests next week. Do you know any students who want to earn some extra money, or even does your 14 year old want to tutor? He suggested this set up. </p>
<p>So, I’m looking at it as a one time deal, but I could see them inviting him back. I want to send something this time, and then if it happens again we’ll worry about that later.</p>
<p>I think movie tickets are a great idea, unless you want to send them on a vacation! I was going to suggest a gift card to a local Halal restaurant-I know of some here in Seattle so a city with as large an international population as DC must have quite a few. But movies are good. Do you have any of the small family movie theaters where you live? Around here there have been some old stand-alone cinemas that have been refurbished and are very popular with neighborhood families. You friend is doing an amazing thing-good for him.</p>
<p>If it is a one time deal then I am not sure if I would worry about it too much. I think movie gift certificates would be very nice, or tea/coffee. I don’t think he’ll expect anything, so if the gift is too big he may also be embarrassed.</p>
<p>I would suggest something that arrives after this Sunday session. If you send your son with the gift, there could be uncomfortable moments.
Prof is likely to refuse gift at first if son gives it personally, and then son will be burdened with figuring out how long to “insist.”
I would send the movie tickets or whatever by email or regular post, with a card.</p>
<p>I like the idea of mailing it. I agree it might be awkward for my son to have to insist. I like the restaurant gift card idea too.</p>
<p>I should add that this wasn’t totally out of the blue. My son has talked about wanting to study Arabic for several years, and since I’ve spent a fair amount of time on the sidelines with the parents it has come up and they’ve always said "that’s so wonderful, please call us if wants to practice, we’d love to help, we think that it’s great that American schools are starting to teach Arabic . . . . " </p>
<p>I also work in education, and since the last time I’ve seen them they have emailed me for advice on navigating our city’s crazy school choice system for their youngest, so we’ve had some contact.</p>
<p>I just wanted to say that because I feel like this reads a little like I’m imposing (which I am) but there are some reasons why I felt OK doing that.</p>
<p>I really think that an Amazon gift card is more appropriate than movie tickets. It just seems much more dignified and suitable. Even better, IMHO, would be something homemade, like a jar of homemade jam or maybe a loaf of homemade tea bread. Giving a professor movie tickets or a gift basket because he includes your son in something like this just seems kind of icky to me, with a faint whiff of condescension. I know that is not the intent.</p>
<p>If you’d tasted my cooking you’d realize that homemade something from me would not be a gift. </p>
<p>I certainly don’t want to be condescending, but at the same time, this is a service that I value and I was planning on paying for. </p>
<p>I make a significant portion of my income tutoring. If someone I knew but didn’t consider a close friend reached out to me and said "do you know someone who teaches reading. . . ", then I’d either refer them to someone I know who was looking or maybe say “I have an opening”, and I’d expect to get paid. This is a little different because he’s not an Arabic professor, and because it’s with his kids, but he’s still providing a service I was clearly planning on paying for. </p>
<p>I should add that in addition to reaching out to him, I also reached out to the Arabic teacher at the school where I teach who met my son at the library for a couple of hours. Those couple of hours cost me over $130, which is in line with the going rate in my area, and less than I charge.</p>
<p>Consolation-why on earth would movie tickets or a gift basket be condescending? The person I work for gets gifts like that pretty regularly when she goes above and beyond for people. She is always thrilled to get them (at least the ones I’ve delivered on someone’s behalf). And home cooking, even from a good home cook would be tricky if a family follows strict religious rules about what they eat and how it’s prepared. Why is a gift card from Amazon the better choice here?</p>
<p>We had a similar situation when D was in High School. A local professor at a nearby U offered to tutor D in music theory. D was a high school friend of his D. He (at first) did not want payment. I asked his wife what he favorite food was and we took he and his wife out for dinner at the one of finest sushi restaurant here in LA. That put us back a few hundred dollars. But at the dinner we insisted that we begin paying him for the lessons since sushi was too expensive. It worked.</p>
<p>My understanding of halal is that it only applies to meat and alcohol. So, a snack food like a home baked cake would probably be fine. I know this particular family eats things like birthday cake and cheese pizza and doritos because we’ve been on the same birthday party circuit and soccer snack circuit for years. I’ve also served their son food in my home, and gone to a restaurant with mom and the kids where I think they just ordered vegetarian food. </p>
<p>So, I’d feel comfortable with a home cooked food gift, except for the “can’t cook” part. Maybe I should send a nice store bought cake or something?</p>
<p>I think a cake would be nice and they could all have it after their lesson if they want to. I don’t think this is tutoring in the formal sense. The man had set time aside to do it anyway with his kids. It may benefit his kids as sometime teaching it helps reinforce it and they will likely demonstrate for the visitor. If it goes on and feels like an imposition, then I would revisit insisting on payment. If this person doesn’t “tutor” then he might not feel his services are something he should/could charge for, and also being paid means you have to produce results, adding pressure to him. He is doing a favor. People do things sometimes just to be nice. Also, do they NEED extra income?</p>
<p>This is different than doing a favor for a personal acquaintance/friend by including their child in a family activity. It feels like a tip. I think tips imply a service relationship. The OP does not have a service relationship with this man.</p>
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<p>Well, because it feels like a gift of a book, which is something that would be exchanged between peers, not like the $$ you might slip a store employee who helps you get something out to your car. But actually, I think that any kind of gift card would be overdoing it for one such afternoon. It implies a need or expectation of payment, rather than a favor among friends. That is why the more modest, friendly, and tasteful gift of a homemade baked good is more appropriate, to me.</p>
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<p>Exactly. This is a family friend who is doing you a favor, not someone you have hired.</p>
<p>Years ago, a friend of mine set up weekly language lessons for my kid and a few others at my request. We established a payment rate up front. That is totally different from including someone’s kid in a planned family activity.</p>
<p>IDK-gift card for one thing doesn’t seem any less “tippy” than a gift card for something else. CJ, if they eat regular store-bought things, than a nice pastry/cake/dessert would be a great idea. Most people don’t bake fancy desserts or cakes but sure enjoy eating them! I’ve been asked to make such cakes myself (I do cake decorating on the side).</p>
<p>I would have something delivered and not involve my S. What are those fruit bouquets? I have heard they are good–but mostly I would make it a delivery of something for the family-chocolates, fruit, …a food for the family.
Then I would find out if S is invited back, if for payment or not, (bet not), and send something creative every few weeks. Not more than $50
Just what I would do. Nice that your S will have this family to learn with and bet he does well!</p>
<p>I really think anything you do would be appreciated and I definitely would do something. An amazon gift card sent to his email after your son goes to their home would be thoughtful and I am sure appreciated. It is the thought that counts. I think you should do whatever is easiest for you.</p>