<p>Thanks, owlice. (PS: I’ve always read your name as owl-ice. But just noticed that I could just as easily read it as ow-lice.)</p>
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<p>Correction–the majority of guests are within driving distance to the town where you get the ferry to the island. If the guests are so inclined they could reserve a place for their cars, but everything is pretty much within walking distance and there are plenty of cabs. Plus, we’ll have transportation on the day of the wedding.</p>
<p>We got married where we were living at the time with was in CA, but most of our family is on the east coast. Our rehearsal dinner included out of town relatives I think, but it wasn’t a huge number. </p>
<p>The new thing I’ve noticed is the goody bags for the out-of-town guests. After I’ve come home from a big wedding dinner, I really don’t need more food and drink. I think it’s silly.</p>
<p>From MollieB</p>
<p>“By the way, for anybody who lives in the Boston area, our wedding was included in The Knot Boston Magazine, in the issue that’s on shelves now. One of the pictures they picked to feature was of the programs, which makes me proud – I totally made those programs myself!”</p>
<p>Boston Magazine? - they’re online too!</p>
<p>[Real</a> Weddings - Mollie & Adam: A Traditional Wedding in Boston, MA](<a href=“http://weddings.theknot.com/ODB/themes/realweddings/view.aspx?id=38576&type=1&location=061]Real”>http://weddings.theknot.com/ODB/themes/realweddings/view.aspx?id=38576&type=1&location=061)</p>
<p>If that whole neurobiology thing doesn’t work out maybe you could try wedding planning. :)</p>
<p>Maybe I am “cheap”, but I really do enjoy the pot-luck affairs. The food is incredible. The company enjoyable. No one is out to impress anyone else. The focus is on family and friends, not gowns, favors, placesettings and the like.</p>
<p>When my parents were married, it was tradition to have small family affairs, and go out for dinner afterward (20 people typical). We invited around 60 for our morning ceremony and brunch afterward. Most were family, and a few close friends and co-workers. Anyone who travelled came to dinner that evening. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza at our home the day before. Today weddings have become far larger affairs. It seems to me that weddings have become just like everything else in life…much more than we need.</p>
<p>I told my children that my gift to them is their education, and that their weddings will be their responsibity. We hope to give them a nice monetary gift, and they can certainly apply it toward a wedding event if that is their wish. But it makes more sense to me, to use it on a house downpayment, or a nice trip together. Large weddings may have been the send-off for your children when college was not part of the picture. A debt-free diploma is our gift.</p>
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<p>There were several posts that mentioned the fact that pot luck receptions were tacky and/or that the people hosting them weren’t gracious hosts. I was responding to that. My SIL’s wedding was very traditional for her area. People in her church were quite used to being invited to pot luck weddings and don’t consider it tacky and don’t feel the hosts aren’t being gracious. In these circumstances, I don’t think the hosts are being cheap and asking guests to pay for their wedding. They were doing what was customary within their church and their community.</p>
<p>“I don’t think the hosts are being cheap and asking guests to pay for their wedding. They were doing what was customary within their church and their community.”</p>
<p>I agree that if it’s the custom within their community, that’s fine. What I don’t like is when people expect everyone – whether a close friend or not, whether the person is in the potluck-giving community or not-- to bring a potluck dish to their wedding. </p>
<p>I’m invited to a wedding reception at a local club for an almost 60 year old adult whom I know, but not that well, and I’m expected to bring a potluck dish. I think it would be fine if she asked close friends to do that, but I feel put upon to be expected to bring a dish plus a present for a reception for someone whom I don’t even know that well.</p>
<p>My wedding cake was made by a close friend, and it was her gift to me. She offered to do that. I didn’t, though, expect everyone to bring food. </p>
<p>When people, though, ask for potluck food instead of gifts, however, that’s fine with me. I think it’s asking a lot to expect people to bring both unless that’s the custom in one’s community.</p>
<p>"When my parents were married, it was tradition to have small family affairs, and go out for dinner afterward (20 people typical). We invited around 60 for our morning ceremony and brunch afterward. Most were family, and a few close friends and co-workers. Anyone who travelled came to dinner that evening. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza at our home the day before. Today weddings have become far larger affairs. "</p>
<p>Really? See, I think people have been having the big blow-out weddings for years. If you go to any major city and find their most chi-chi hotels (the Plaza in New York, the Drake in Chicago, etc.), they’ve been hosting grand events like these for the last 50 years. There is more attention to minute detail being paid today, IMO, and more creativity and personalization, but there’s always been a group of people who did lavish, hotel-ballroom, all-the-trimmings weddings.</p>
<p>“Maybe I am “cheap”, but I really do enjoy the pot-luck affairs. The food is incredible. The company enjoyable. No one is out to impress anyone else. The focus is on family and friends, not gowns, favors, placesettings and the like.”</p>
<p>It’s quite possible for the focus to be on family and friends even if someone has a catered sit-down dinner for 150, an expensive gown, attractive flowers, etc. One really has nothing to do with the other, IMO. People who want to entertain a certain way (and can afford it) aren’t necessarily “trying to impress” their guests; they’re trying to show them a nice time – whether their budget allows for the Ritz or the living room. I’ve been to weddings done for a few hundred dollars and six-figure weddings and warmth and graciousness can be equally present (or absent) at each.</p>
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<p>Mollie, your willingness to share your joy was a special blessing for all of us who were here. It was a very, very generous thing.</p>
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<p>Ahhh! You’re on The Knot! =) Wonderful pictures. I really like those programs, Mollie. The whole event looks like it was beautiful and quite classy.</p>
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<p>That’s what we tried to do. Even though there were 150 people at our wedding, we took the time to visit with each and every single person during dinner. For what it’s worth, every time we see one of our guests, they rave about how much fun they had at our wedding, and how many personal touches there were. If we were trying to impress, we’d have shifted the budget towards flowers and limousines and linen upgrades in the reception hall. Instead, we put our money towards live music (most of the musicians were dear friends of ours, which meant we got more bang for our buck-- one of the few advantages of marrying a musician!), good food/drink/cake, and photography.</p>
<p>It was NOT six figures, not nearly so, but it was a VERY nice wedding. Good heavens, you should NOT be able to buy a decent house with a wedding budget…</p>
<p>As long as we’re sharing photos…
[wedding</a> photos](<a href=“http://www.josephmark.com/JoeandAmyPatrick/index.html]wedding”>www.josephmark.com/JoeandAmyPatrick/index.html)</p>
<p>I like the goodie bags for out-of-town guests. The reason being that so much of weddings in my area is about “it’s my day!!!” that I enjoy seeing the wedding couple take time to think of their guests.</p>
<p>I told my daughters that we’re going to pay for their educations the best we can, but all we will do for weddings is give the gift we could afford, not pay for the wedding. I also told them that I would be honored to be a sounding board for wedding plans and assist in any way they asked, but I don’t want to be a major player in the planning. They both seem ok with that.</p>
<p>Aibarr, is that lovely dark-haired woman you?</p>
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<p>If we’re talking about the gal in the big white dress, that’d be an affirmative, ma’am. =)</p>
<p>aibarr, your wedding looked lovely. What’s the story behind the lego? I loved the picture of the direction for tying a bow tie.</p>
<p>One change I’ve noticed is that with digital cameras ALOT more photos are being taken. We didn’t have nearly so many to choose from!</p>
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<p>I’m a structural engineer, and my husband is a huge Lego aficionado. We’d decided long before we even got engaged that we were going to give out Lego as our wedding favors. We gave out small bags of about 30 Lego apiece, thinking that, at best, our guests would take them home and appreciate them quietly… We’re so glad that our friends are so much more spontaneous and creative than we gave them credit for. By the time we’d arrived at the reception, everyone at the tables had pooled their resources and were making epic Lego creations in our honor!</p>
<p>The freestyle bow-ties were an homage to my husband’s grandfather, who passed away a few years ago.</p>
<p>aibarr, I looked at all the beautiful pics! Just lovely. What a beautiful wedding and a very good photographer! So please tell us what was behind the Legos, and is there a story behind the colorful wedding cake?</p>
<p>aibarr, sorry, I just cross posted with you, and did not see the other question about the Legos.</p>
<p>aibarr- I love the pictures! I’ll send the link to D so she can see them. You look gorgeous.</p>
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<p>That reminds me of my D’s comment when she opted to NOT wear her veil at all at the reception. She said, “It’s not like people aren’t going to know that the one in the giant white dress is me.”</p>
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<p>The best decision we made to reduce our stress with the wedding planning was to choose a painting and pull colors from there-- as my husband said, Monet has much better color sense than we do. I kept a little laminated color printout of the painting (a Monet waterlilies painting, which is probably obvious if you’ve seen the cake…!) in my wallet. Instead of obsessing about everything being a particular color of blue, we just decided that if the napkins or invitations or cake or flowers or dresses were a color in the painting, it’d be just fine. And of course, our cake guy and our flower lady absolutely loved having something fun to work with. Everything turned out beautifully, very colorful, and very low-stress.</p>
<p>MoWC, thanks so much! I loved seeing your D’s wedding pictures via Facebook–it looked like such a fun wedding.</p>
<p>aibarr, What a great idea for picking colors!</p>