<p>Cincy gal,
Are they still married? Sounds like a marriage for a sitcom.</p>
<p>Ah, I don’t know that I’d trust that an “average wedding” is $25K. It may be that much in some circles, but I doubt that is really the average cost, and I’d doubt it even more if that figure is generated by any part of the wedding industry.</p>
<p>I don’t believe either that the average wedding costs $25k/</p>
<p>It’s beyond me why people who aren’t wealthy would pay that much for a one-day event when they could use that money to start a business, pay for grad school, or buy a house.</p>
<p>My own wedding cost about $800. My dress cost $60 (I bought it during an offseason trip to Mexico). The honeymoon cost a bit more because we went to Europe, but the whole experience – wedding and honeymoon-- cost about $3,500 max. That was 30 years ago, but it wouldn’t have been much higher if we did it now.</p>
<p>My H and I paid for it ourselves. We figured we were grown – 27, 29. so it was right for us to pay for our own wedding.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, yes they are still married! Someday I may write a long vent about my brother-in-law on “say it here cause you can’t say it directly …”, because the rest of the family just thinks, oh poor **** (BIL).</p>
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<p>I don’t recall how I addressed the invitations, but I made it clear to my single friends at our small wedding that they were welcome to bring a date.</p>
<p>We had all suffered through weddings where the single females outnumbered the single men by 5-1, and the “men” were mostly the young teenaged brothers of the B&G. A reception isn’t much fun when you have no one to dance with and you end up feeling like one of a herd of unwanted heifers. The husbands/fiances of our friends never seemed to have heard of the custom of asking the unaccompanied women to dance as a courtesy, and their wives weren’t swift enough to ask them to do so. (I ALWAYS suggest to my H that he ask unaccompanied ladies, especially those at out table, to dance at least once.)</p>
<p>One of our strong desires was that the reception be a great party for everyone. We paid for a 5-piece band and a dance floor, despite the fact that we had only about 45 guests.</p>
<p>Certainly there is no obligation to invite guests, though.</p>
<p>"We had all suffered through weddings where the single females outnumbered the single men by 5-1, and the “men” were mostly the young teenaged brothers of the B&G. A reception isn’t much fun when you have no one to dance with and you end up feeling like one of a herd of unwanted heifers. "</p>
<p>I guess I’m different. I view going to the wedding and reception as a chance to celebrate friends’ marriages. If I get to dance, etc. that’s a bonus, but that’s not why I’m there. A wedding reception isn’t like going to a party though it may have some similar attributes such as having food, drink, dancing.</p>
<p>Many women also dance with women at the receptions I’ve been to. Many people don’t dance at all, but spend their time talking.</p>
<p>It seems to me rude to expect the wedding couple to pay so one can bring an escort when they don’t even know that person. I personally wouldn’t find it fun to attend the weddings of people I don’t know and may never see again.</p>
<p>A lot of people may do it, 3bm103, and that’s fine. But it’s not according “to etiquette,” as etiquette would indicate that if you wished to enable a single guest to bring a partner, you would find out the name of the person and invite that person by name.</p>
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</p>
<p>Certainly, no one should EXPECT to be invited to bring a date.</p>
<p>In our case, we were married at a very small old New England clapboard church right next door to my parents’ house. As I said, we only had about 45 guests. The reception was under a tent on the lawn at our house. My sister and I bought flowers and arranged them in baskets for the tables. I made the food myself (3-layer fish mousse with dill sauce, cold sliced filet with mustard sauce, miniatature wild mushroom tartlets, curried chicken phyllo triangles, etc. It was good. 
) We wanted to have a nice party with our friends, which we did. Inviting a couple of female friends–one did, some didn’t–to bring a date did not involve paying anyone for anything. And the date knew some of the other people, anyway. In my view, it was simply a way to help ensure that my friends would have a good time. </p>
<p>I can certainly see that the 200-person wedding at $185 a plate with a lot of strangers would be a different situation.</p>
<p>Our wedding might have cost 600$ total. Friend took pictures; my inlaws rented a large tent, folding tables and chairs; my husband purchased one pair of pants and my sister made me a cotton dress; my parents bought several kegs of beer, barbeque meats; we purchased a few different bakery cakes and relatives supplied one more; other attendees brought side dishes; ranch location was free; we bought blue cornmeal to sprinkle and in-laws bought a tree to plant ceremonially. Sigh - those were the days.</p>
<p>Similar concept … For my children’s bar/bat mitzvah, one invitation went out to a young friend of theirs and when she RSVP’d, she indicated that 5 people would be coming. (She was one of 5 children.) Ugh. I had to call the mother and politely explain to her that while her family was welcome to come to the service if they were so inclined, the party invitation was meant for her daughter who actually KNEW my children, not her other 4 children. </p>
<p>She (the mother) showed up anyway to the service with another of her children, and then afterwards, corraled me in the lobby of my synagogue when I was catching up with my friends and family, critiqued my makeup and tried to sell me Mary Kay, right then and there :-)</p>
<p>3bm103, no worries! Just didn’t want you, nor anyone, to think I was being snotty!!</p>
<p>“I’m just commenting to say that one can have a very inexpensive reception without tons of food. Wedding cake and punch would be an example.”</p>
<p>ITA. I’ve been to a few like that. If that’s all that they can afford – well, then that’s all they can afford, so be it. Again, if close family members want to pitch in and bake the cake, etc. that’s great, but potluck implies everyone HAS to bring something and that doesn’t seem gracious to me when it’s a wedding.</p>
<p>After reading this thread and watching a few episodes of Bridezillas, my daughter has decided - with my encouragement - to have an afternoon wedding in our backyard, have friends provide the music, serve tea sandwiches, champagne, coffee and cake. Sounds like a great idea to me!
And never ever send out a save the date card. That’s like asking someone in March for a date on New Year’s!
PS I think I just made member status!!</p>
<p>woody,
That sounds like a wonderful wedding, just like the type I enjoy attending.</p>
<p>Some questioned $25,000 (or more) as the cost of an average wedding. You can find survey after survey that supports that number. It is an average, the mean. Does it mean everyone pays that, no. Some much, much more, and many spend much less. Many articles start out quoting that number as the average then point out how you can plan a wedding for much less. </p>
<p>My point was that you look at each individual aspect and the price seems reasonable, but when added up, it does come out to what is reported to be the average. The reception itself including flowers and favors was probably close to 1/2 the cost. Can you do a cake and punch reception and cut the cost way down, absolutely! </p>
<p>[Tickled</a> Pink: Average Cost of a U.S. Wedding](<a href=“http://www.tickledpinkbrides.com/brideblog/2007/11/average-cost-of.html]Tickled”>http://www.tickledpinkbrides.com/brideblog/2007/11/average-cost-of.html)</p>
<p>[The</a> average cost of a wedding in 2008 falls by 24% - The Wedding Report - Community](<a href=“http://www.theweddingreport.com/m/post.cfm/the-average-cost-of-a-wedding-in-2008-falls-by-24]The”>http://www.theweddingreport.com/m/post.cfm/the-average-cost-of-a-wedding-in-2008-falls-by-24)</p>
<p>[The</a> Knot survey finds average wedding costs around $30,000 - AisleDash](<a href=“http://www.aisledash.com/2008/04/21/the-knot-survey-finds-average-wedding-costs-around-30-000/]The”>http://www.aisledash.com/2008/04/21/the-knot-survey-finds-average-wedding-costs-around-30-000/)</p>
<p>I think Save the Date cards are wonderful. Especially if people need to make travel plans, the “Save the Date” can help save a lot of money by allowing the use of airline miles, hotel points etc. We sent Save the Dates out at Christmas before D’s June wedding and people got right on the trip planning.</p>
<p>Thanks for the groom’s cake explanation. Is it a regional thing? Because I’ve never been to a wedding with one, but then I’ve lived most of my life out west.</p>
<p>The bride pinata was priceless!!</p>
<p>MidwestParent, and who is doing those surveys? Oh, look … the wedding industry!</p>
<p>An “average wedding” doesn’t exist. An average cost (and a median cost, which would be more meaningful) does, but numbers that come from the wedding industry serve the wedding industry, so should be IMHO taken with a grain (or pound) of salt.</p>
<p>One of those links listed a cost for an engagement ring of over $5,000. That’s some rock!</p>
<p>ellemenope, for you: [Groom’s</a> cake - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom’s_cake]Groom’s”>Groom's cake - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>I’ve heard that it’s more of a Southern thing than anything else.</p>
<p>I think in our case, my husband just wanted an excuse to make a ridiculously elaborate rocket cake. :)</p>
<p>SportsMama, my wedding thread is here: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/245508-latest-wedding-updates.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/245508-latest-wedding-updates.html</a></p>