<p>^^^lol!!!</p>
<p>There are lots of jerks in this world. My feeling…not my issue what their problem is…or isn’t. My issue is to keep my distance.</p>
<p>*Quote:
Again, I know we’ve all experienced this kind of behavior in its milder form</p>
<p>==================</p>
<p>I experience it daily on CC, and I am sure most of them think they are perfectly normal. *</p>
<p>lol…in its milder form, it probably is within the range of “normal.” I think my sis’ H is very normal…he just does it because that’s what his family did. </p>
<p>I would even be sexist enough to say that I think in its milder form that a good number of males do this on occasion because of how males are often raised in our culture…to be authority figures and to take command, etc. But this other BIL takes it to such a bizarre level that it just brought out the curiosity in me. </p>
<p>Again, I have no intention of ever saying anything to him/wife…I don’t think it would be received well. I’m just curious. </p>
<p>Frazzled…interesting book!</p>
<p>IMO its not a good idea to try to hypothesize about someone else’s behavior when presented second or third hand through the lens of another person’s perspective.</p>
<p>Yes…as a therapist, that is definitely true…which is why my sister couldn’t offer any kind of firm statements/diagnosis, nor would I expect her to. </p>
<p>However, if what was described was hypothetical …such as “Person A presents with these kinds of behaviors, therefore what sort of pathologies could be present?”…then I would think it would be safe to offer some thoughts, since the behaviors are being presented as facts, not thru the prism of another observer.</p>
<p>Anyone describing what they heard or observed is doing so though their personal filter. </p>
<p>And many behaviors do not meet critria for dagnosis of a disorder. Sometimes people are just… jerks :)</p>
<p>^^^^</p>
<p>Yes, that’s true. But, I don’t have a “dog in the hunt” really, so no need for me to put forth some kind of “I’m right” bias or some kind of odd spin on the events. H could have a “dog in the hunt” since the wife is his sister, but since his observances/feelings are the same as mine, I don’t think he’s been biased at all. </p>
<p>But, leaving our observations out completely and leaving out this particular BIL completely…what would make a person (any person) make “absolute pronouncements” without any real knowledge? And, also be annoyed when anyone else thinks differently? </p>
<p>I “get” that sometimes it’s just “jerky behavior”…lol…yup, get that… but, in my very unprofessional experiences, this just seems beyond “just being a jerk.” H and I come from very large families, so we see our fair share of inconsiderate/jerky behavior. In my mind there’s a normal “jerky range” (like people who chronically keep others waiting, or people who are short-tempered, or people who cut people off on the road, etc). This seems to be outside that “jerky range.”</p>
<p>mom2collegekids,
I am like you. I am very curious about human behavior and love to try to figure things out. i know it isn’t a good idea to try to diagnose someone but, on the other hand it can give you perspective on the behavior and make us more patient.</p>
<p>I have a relative whose behavior is often what I would consider to be “eccentric”. Some of what you describe in your BIL, I recognize in this person, as well. Another trait is that he rarely takes responsibility for things that go wrong…blames everyone around him. I try to figure it out and sometimes think it’s a processing issue. I don’t know but I am curious.</p>
<p>*But, leaving our observations out completely and leaving out this particular BIL completely…what would make a person (any person) make “absolute pronouncements” without any real knowledge? And, also be annoyed when anyone else thinks differently?
*</p>
<p>That sounds like extreme anxiety- or a type of OCD where the person needs to feel in control at all times to alleviate the anxiety.</p>
<p>I am like you. I am very curious about human behavior and love to try to figure things out. i know it isn’t a good idea to try to diagnose someone but, on the other hand it can give you perspective on the behavior and make us more patient.</p>
<p>Exactly…I am very curious about human behavior, stemming from typing papers for my sister when she was in grad school for her MSW/LCSW and struggling with organ transplant issues (she’d dictate and I’d type for her). </p>
<p>My sister told me that her gut tells her that a niece of ours could be suffering from depression (sister hasn’t treated niece, but sees this niece at least 2 times per week.) Since my sister told me this, it has made me more understanding when this niece posts angry stuff on Facebook or Tweets odd/emo stuff. Before that, I was always scratching my head when I’d see her angry posts on FB or see her Tweets. </p>
<p>Oh, and years ago, I found out that H’s grandfather was an alcoholic, I could more understand what was going on with him…and with MIL (adult child of an alcoholic…issues with that…she’s a pleaser .and the “good girl”.). The GF is now deceased, but once I was told about his alcoholism, much more made sense. </p>
<p>*I have a relative whose behavior is often what I would consider to be “eccentric”. Some of what you describe in your BIL, I recognize in this person, as well. Another trait is that he rarely takes responsibility for things that go wrong…blames everyone around him. I try to figure it out and sometimes think it’s a processing issue. I don’t know but I am curious. *</p>
<p>Oh yes, “the blame everyone around you person” when something goes wrong. This BIL does that, too. He ran over his laptop accidentally (he had set it behind the car and then forgot), but still tried to blame someone else.</p>
<p>It’s like a “I’m perfect disorder” or something…lol</p>
<p>That sounds like extreme anxiety- or a type of OCD where the person needs to feel in control at all times to alleviate the anxiety.</p>
<p>Now, that does sound possible. I don’t know much about anxiety and how it manifests in people. I know about people who wash their hands a million times OCD and other similar OCD stuff.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Right. I see it as a form of extreme defensiveness. Always on the defense.</p>
<p>Okay, he set his laptop behind the car? Like on the driveway behind the car? I’m trying to imagine a single scenario in which any reasonable person would ever do that. “I’m just going to put my laptop on the garage floor while I take out the trash.” Who DOES that? Now I really am wondering if this guy has a disorder - is there an inability-to-foresee-logical-consequences disorder?</p>
<p>I guess a lot of teens fall prey to that one. But not with their laptops.</p>
<p>^^^^
That’s an interesting point. The relative that I have who fits into this category (at least from my viewpoint anyway) is always doing things like that. I have always assumed that ADD is one of the issues. Lost watches, wallets, money, forgotten appointments, hyperfocussing on some things and forgetting others. As my H would say, arranging the deck chairs as the Titanic is sinking.</p>
<p>I don’t know if all of these things are related or if they just happen to coexist within the same personality.</p>
<p>I will read on…but in our family we call this syndrome “MSU:” Making S*# t (stuff) Up.</p>
<p>^^^
lol. I wish i was making it up. Reality is stranger than fiction.</p>
<p>^^^MSU describes the disease of stating as fact that which one has insufficient knowledge (or NO knowledge) on which to make such emphatic statements.</p>
<p>Ohhhh. LOL. Sorry. Maybe I’m the one with a processing issue!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Honestly, it sounds like an implausible story from an insurance-fraud suspect.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, you still have a computer, so I guess you’re doing pretty well.</p>
<p>The part I find, if I understand OP’s story, weird is that this person makes sudden declarations of fact, almost impulsively.
Then that he insists that they are true.
This is not the normal way people go about having and expressing opinions…</p>
<p>Does he think he is clairvoyant?</p>
<p>Okay, he set his laptop behind the car? Like on the driveway behind the car? I’m trying to imagine a single scenario in which any reasonable person would ever do that. “I’m just going to put my laptop on the garage floor while I take out the trash.” Who DOES that? Now I really am wondering if this guy has a disorder - is there an inability-to-foresee-logical-consequences disorder?</p>
<p>Ok…this was the story he told us.</p>
<p>He went out to the car to put his laptop/briefcase in (he and the family were leaving on a trip and they were packing the car). He set the briefcase down behind the family van when he decided that the van wasn’t parked where he preferred it to be parked. When he moved the van, he ran over the briefcase. He said it was really his son’s fault because his son had parked the van on the left side of the driveway instead of on the right (which is what BIL prefers). </p>
<p>When he told us this story, it made me think of when I had babies in car carrier car seats. I never, ever, set that car carrier seat down on the ground near cars out of fear that I would get distracted and run over the baby. </p>
<p>*Now I really am wondering if this guy has a disorder - is there an inability-to-foresee-logical-consequences disorder?
*</p>
<p>lol…maybe! </p>
<p>*I see it as a form of extreme defensiveness. Always on the defense. *</p>
<p>Well, I’ve long thought he had that “chip on my shoulder” issue…kind of daring anyone to knock the chip off.</p>
<p>I love the MSU syndrome…I won’t tell that to my SIL, but my sister will get a kick out of it.</p>
<p>*The part I find, if I understand OP’s story, weird is that this person makes sudden declarations of fact, almost impulsively.
Then that he insists that they are true.
This is not the normal way people go about having and expressing opinions…</p>
<p>Does he think he is clairvoyant?*</p>
<p>I know…that’s what has kept this on my mind since the last visit…it’s just so weird. I don’t understand why there’s no effort to “save face” by hedging his words with…I think, My opinion is, etc.</p>