<p>Interesting article mentioned in another thread that seems to deserve a conversation of its own.</p>
<p>[Relationships</a> Are More Important Than Ambition - Emily Esfahani Smith - The Atlantic](<a href=“Relationships Are More Important Than Ambition - The Atlantic”>Relationships Are More Important Than Ambition - The Atlantic)</p>
<p>It’s well documented that social connections and relationships have a strong correlation with happiness. But I don’t see that there is necessarily a connection with the ambition to leave a small town in Louisiana and a life deficient in social connections and relationships. Many people form strong connections and relationships among people they meet at college, for example.</p>
<p>While the author quoted in the article seems to feel that he would have been happier staying in his home town in Louisiana, I’m not sure his experience is generalizable to say that having ambition will leave you unhappy with few social connections and relationships. While some extreme forms of ambition might have that outcome, if our ancestors had had no ambition the Americas would have remained unpopulated.</p>
<p>I hate these false either/or dichotomies.</p>
<p>As has been shown in much research on happiness strong relationships are important, but the single largest indicator of day to day happiness is having a meaningful life.</p>
<p>If by ambition you mean “money,” then that is a very narrow definition. However even money contributes to happiness, though the returns diminish above a certain upper middle class level.</p>
<p>But nothing is more important than a meaningful life, and for most that includes some ambitions, even if they are only charitable.</p>
<p>My husband and I grew up in classic midwestern towns, and always intended to return to the area to raise our kids, but a funny thing happened along the way. We lived all over the country for 23 years: college, PharmD, Med. School, and then added kids during residency and years living in wonderful places during military pay back. By the time we got around to moving back “hone” we had outgrown the area. The people we had grown up with who never left were a bit stunted in their attitudes and beliefs. The family and friends we had left behind had, for the most part, also left. We tried “going home” for a couple of years, and then left. We would have lived a much different life back “home”. We wanted more for our still young kids. We left after two years. Love to visit, can’t imagine living there again.</p>
<p>Like poetgrl, I dislike the false dichotomies. </p>
<p>Ambition and relationships both have their place. If it’s the week before a huge project is due, your relationship can take a backseat to getting the project done well. You can cuddle your boyfriend after finals are over. You can grit your teeth for a few years while your husband goes through medical residency. Et cetera. </p>
<p>The “having it all” phenomena is so ridiculous because no one “has it all” at every moment.</p>
<p>I’m wondering if Mother Teresa would have been “happier” if she had stayed in Macedonia.</p>
<p>After I posted this on the other thread, I went back and read David Brooks’ account from December 2011, soon after the women’s death. In David Brooks’ article, he says Mr. Dreher moved back to take care of his sister’s kids. That gave the move a real meaning, in my mind. I agree that it would be hard for me to move back to my small town in NC after 30 years away in the suburban area of a large city. But if my nieces and nephews needed that, that would be different.</p>
<p>To me the larger point (as pertains to the CC audience, anyway) was that we shouldn’t judge those who don’t take the most “ambitious” fork in every road. There are people here who seem to have a hard time understanding that not all young people aspire to a career on Wall Street or a “white-shoe” law firm and aren’t willing to do what it takes to get there anyway. I think some of the geographic differences with regard to status and materialism ring true, and that we see these differences play out over and over in discussions about the importance of prestige and a “name-brand” college experience.</p>