What's YOUR opinion about OFFICE SPOUSES?

Parent Cafe
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<p>A little while back there was a survey in the news about people who have "office spouses. This is a person who has a very close relationship with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Intimate things are discussed and shared. They go out to lunch (or drinks) together – all under the premise that “we’re just very good friends.”</p>

<p>Recently, my neighbor told me about such a situation at her work. The twosome insisted to their spouses and other co-workers that their relationship was kosher… But, aha… they’ve recently have left their spouses and have announced their engagement.</p>

<p>What do you think about having an “office spouse”</p>

<p>Even if you think you (or your spouse) can really “just be very close friends” with a co-worker of the opposite sex, how can you really sure of how the “office spouse” really feels at any given time (such as when his/her own marriage is on a downward cycle)???</p>

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<p>Assuming both are of suitable sexual persuasion, it is nearly impossible to stay at an arm’s length. Something will happen.</p>

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<p>“What do you think about having an “office spouse””</p>

<p>As long as the sex is good…;)</p>

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<p>“As long as the sex is good…”</p>

<p>OMG - I have not stopped laughing yet…</p>

<p>Perfect response.</p>

<p>On the serious side though, the way to still have some “close” friends at the office - even opposite sex ones - is to NEVER discuss personal intimate details. I think as long as the discussion stays on work, politics, religion, … ANYTHING but personal details and “feelings,” and ESPECIALLY any details about your spouse (good OR bad), then you can avoid trouble.</p>

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<p>I actually have one of these :slight_smile: colleague and business partner; it’s totally platonic.</p>

<p>We agree on nearly everything, never tire of each other, we even often travel together for days on end and somehow manage to never irritate each other. </p>

<p>There is a LOT of chemistry off and on, however, it will never be: I think what forever killed it from morphing into romance is when one day we accidently discovered that he has the exact same month and day of birth as George W. Bush, and I have the exact same month and day of birth as Saddam Hussein.</p>

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<p>“What do you think about having an “office spouse””</p>

<p>As long as the sex is good…</p>

<p>If that is the case… why limit it to just one office spouse… having a stable of such spouses would even be more exciting…</p>

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<p>Hey, if that’s the way you like it, don’t let me stand in your way. ;)</p>

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<p>latetoschool: >>> We agree on nearly everything, never tire of each other, we even often travel together for days on end and somehow manage to never irritate each other.</p>

<p>There is a LOT of chemistry off and on, however, it will never be:<<<</p>

<p>I don’t know… Even with those odd birthdays, I don’t think I’d like it if my H had such a relationship with an opposite sex co-worker because it is too much like a marriage without the “day to day” struggles that go on between H & W (You’re spending too much money, That wasn’t a necessary expense, You bounced a check, Why did you buy THAT, You’re too easy on the kids, Your mom annoys me, When are you going to fix _____, Who do you think is going to pick up your dirty underwear, and so on…) When a person has an “office spouse”, these problems don’t happen so it can “appear” that you’d be more compatible with him/her.</p>

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<p>I met one of my best friends on the job and we go out to lunch or breakfast every month (now that he’s moved to a new workplace) and email or call all the time. My husband is fine with it but that’s probably because my friend is gay and there’s never been nor will ever be sexual chemistry there. I think the chances are probably pretty high that it undermines a marriage or long-term partnership to spend a lot of personal (non-work) time with a member of the opposite sexual preference.</p>

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<p>I have an office spouse. The two of us know exactly how the other will react and think. We travel together, we work on the same clients together. I respect the heck out of him, and can’t imagine working without him. Some of our clients even laugh at us when we argue because we sound just like an old married couple. </p>

<p>But sexual chemistry? Not a drop. Yuch, it would be like kissing my brother; and if he ever had to think of me in a sexual way, he’d either throw up or laugh very, very loud. </p>

<p>So yes, it’s possible. In our case, he’s got a beautiful wife whom I like enormously, and I’m celebrating 30 very happy years with my husband this summer.</p>

<p>Problem is, I’m not sure how many real cases of work spouses there are, versus how many are divorces waiting to happen. I guess the important thing is to avoid speculation and gossip, and only deal with facts.</p>

<p>Edit: just read momof2inca’s post - let me add that I agree. Good point. I don’t spend ANY non-work time with my work spouse alone, although ocassionally we are together with one or both spouses.</p>

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<p>Oh, but, Jlauer, we DO have a bit of tug of war here and there - just yesterday, he sent email to me - telling me - not ASKING - that he had me down for 2:30 to interview a candidate for our open admin position. That was his FIRST mistake - NO ONE - and I mean NO ONE - EVER - commits my time without my permission, and, after all these years he should know better.</p>

<p>Then - his SECOND mistake was that he emails to me her resume - OMG. I almost lost it. Communications degree; “excellent writing skills” it proclaimed, and, TWO misspelled words in the first half of the resume. Oh and she used some sort of weird font that I have only maybe ever seen before on wedding invitations, and at that from couples who ultimately divorced anyway. Plus it was - can you believe - purple. </p>

<p>I nearly launched Shock & Awe right there in the office. I’m like, you are bringing in WHAT??? </p>

<p>I flat out told him in absolutely no uncertain terms, I am will not see this person, you interview her if you wanna burn up your time that way, and, if you hire her, you’re paying her, I’m not, and she’s NOT supporting me.</p>

<p>So - LOL - in she comes, and the interview lasted less than five minutes because the candidate was a total disaster. I told him so.</p>

<p>So - he whines at me some time later that he just couldn’t pull any decent applicants from his advertising. (We’ve been trying to fill this position since March and we are no closer than when we started - and HE has been in charge of it.) So we go down the road of me asking “where did you run the ad” and “what is the position category” and blah blah blah. </p>

<p>I pull the ads and read the copy. This fool. He speaks five languages. Fluently. And the ad copy he wrote for this position is so bad that no one in their right mind would EVER want to work for us. Only the very desperate or perhaps the impossibly insane might want to even reply to the ad. No wonder we still have a job opening. </p>

<p>So now we’re arguing about the ad copy. </p>

<p>And don’t even get me started about the times when we’re joint presenting something, and the five languages that roll around in his head somehow get all tangled up together and spill out of his mouth, so the audience hears some weird concoction that makes not even the slightest bit of sense…so…yeah, we have our moments. I love him wildly, but, it stops at the office door.</p>

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<p>late to school >>> So - he whines at me some time later that he just couldn’t pull any decent applicants from his advertising. (We’ve been trying to fill this position since March and we are no closer than when we started - and HE has been in charge of it.) <<<</p>

<p>I know this is “off topic” but some people are just not good at selecting/finding good people to hire.</p>

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<p>Clearly!!! :)</p>

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<p>But he’s ridiculously well suited to me in terms of business - we make a LOT business progress, and, while finding nice gentlemen to date is easy, finding solid, productive and trustworthy business partners is very, very difficult. So I would not want to risk harming the business relationship, and suspect that he feels the same. We NEVER talk about this sort of thing BTW - I cannot imagine that either of us would ever in a million years bring it up.</p>

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<p>Latetoschool:</p>

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<p>LOL. You actually sound like an old married couple who try to keep their disagreements from spilling over into their work environments.</p>

<p>The several languages I am supposed to be speaking do roil wildly in my head occasionally with the result that I can sound seriously under-educated at times.</p>

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<p>Marite, LOL we do have some interesting disagreements but they somehow always end up very funny. Once, we actually managed to get into an argument in a parking garage. I’m not kidding. Recently, in a strange city, he ridiculously asked me if I desired escort to my rental car, which was on the top floor; he was off to conclude a separate meeting. </p>

<p>I was momentarily stunned since he usually would just escort me without comment. So a pause, then I said “no, I’m good”. </p>

<p>He said, very curious, “are you sure”?</p>

<p>I responded “if you have to ask, then, no, absolutely not”. (Sorry, but in my world, a gentleman doesn’t ask, he just DOES.)</p>

<p>Then he got huffy, and announced that “we have a problem, you and I, and it’s the differences in our cultures”. </p>

<p>I’m like, “hmroooo”???</p>

<p>He said “yes, we’re having a cultural problem”. Then he went on some very long explanation about how in “his” country (refering to the country where he was born, and where he has not lived for over ten years and rarely visits) a man cannot even buy a woman lunch without asking first, for fear of causing offense, therefore he could not escort me to my car without asking. </p>

<p>Before I could stop myself, I said “is THAT why you’re so weird”?</p>

<p>He said “yes! exactly!”. (Delighted that I discovered he was weird.) </p>

<p>So I went on and on about how that was ridiculous, and then he went on and on about how that’s what he was used to, and one thing led to another, and he ended up walking off across the ground floor of the garage in a huff, muttering in either French or German or perhaps both, with me yelling after “well I’m an AMERICAN! and this is the UNITED STATES” - and of course lots of strangers and passers-by all looking at us like we’re being weird. </p>

<p>Next morning I get an email with a bunch of quotes from Confucious, something about trees have to bend so they don’t break blah blah blah. I have no time for weird emails, it cuts into my play time on CC and other equally serious and critically important matters, so I justed ignored, deleted, which ended the argument. </p>

<p>Oh, and when those languages get all tangled up in his head? He never, ever sounds under-educated. Insane, maybe, or, schizophrenic.</p>

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<p>Latetoschool:
In my first year in college, I learned to swear in English (they did not teach us that in my lyc</p>

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<p>Marite:

</p>

<p>…which was last week, you just realized. Good luck. At least you have 51 weeks to make plans now… :)</p>

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<p>latetoschool</p>

<p>I am trying to imagine what country requires one to ask whether to be courteous to a woman out of fear of insulting her… Is it a European country? Iceland? </p>

<p>Remind him that when in Rome…</p>

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<p>Optimizerdad:</p>

<p>You’re no help! Can’t you think of suggestions for a real-life spouse, not the office kind, me not being a mind-reader? ;)</p>