It’s funny - when I retired (18 mos before H) I did not make “all of the chores” my responsibility. I would often do extra things around the house, but I didn’t want him to enter into retirement with the idea of me doing all the chores, because then it would have been hard to switch to him doing them.
12 Likes
Funny it has never been our goal for us both to get to retirement on any “same” schedule. Maybe because we don’t travel (lol, see retirement travel thread 
) - while sure, a financial decision we individually have different outlooks on work, not working, and how our time is spent.
Neither of us is really waiting around for the other for most things!
Just interesting the way we all operate differently in households/relationships.
2 Likes
@showmom858 , my working life ended in a bit of a similar fizzle. There was more than a bit of silver lining – rather than trying to find the right time to leave, to be sure my transition wasn’t going to be awful for my co-workers, feeling sad to be the one who leaving a rousing party, - none of that. It was SO easy to walk away from it all, and had I been loving my job and feeling valued, it wouldn’t have been so.
And in the lead-up to my departure, rather than tip-toeing around the new management and their poor decisions, I could be candid and outspoken, because what was the worst that could happen – getting fired? There is great – fantastic, in fact! – freedom in that. Doing good work has always been important to me. But biting my tongue for the sake of job security, maybe not so much.
10 Likes
Believe me when I say that if coworkers ask why he is leaving and he tells them because of who they want him to report to no one will be surprised!
I’m going to be honest that I got a kick out of hearing these 3 men talk with my H about why they were going to structure things going forward this way. My H only answered questions with yes or no answers when asked and the 3 of them droned on and on as if trying to not only convince H, but themselves that this was a good idea 
7 Likes
I love that. Took me a long time to realize the power of silence. Let other people try to fill the uncomfortable void!
8 Likes
A friend and I were going to not renew our licenses at the same time. Funny enough, we both felt the same way that we didn’t want it to say “lapsed” on our licensure page, so we both chose to pay the small ($40) fee, send in a notarized form and have it say “inactive” instead. We could jump through ridiculous hoops to reactivate our licenses, which we will never do, but we just both felt the same about the terminology. Makes no logical sense, but..
6 Likes
This scenario was how the beginning of the end happened for my H.
His subordinate was made his peer and then his boss. It’s a really hard dynamic and didn’t go well. My H knew this employee’s weak spot and that he wasn’t in any way prepared for the responsibility that was given.
So the company made up an excuse to give H his way out the door. It’s ok now but it was very hard and there were lots of hard feelings.
15 Likes
It is a very typical scenario, unfortunately. I’m observing this unfolding with my good friend who is slowly being pushed out in a similar manner.
10 Likes
I know this is hard on H, but I also know that most of the past 15 years at this job have not been nearly as fulfilling as previous positions. H is an electrical engineer and also an amazing computer software guy who taught himself how to write Apps when they first came on the scene. Now he is dabbling a bit in some AI stuff just for fun. He loves developing new tech. I think he will find something interesting to keep busy with.
9 Likes
That sucks, and it’s stupid and insulting.
7 Likes
My H and I each approached our retirement decision individually.
I decided to retire “early” at 59 for reasons including my kids were fairly well launched, my family seems to die early, and a friend of mine went home Friday night, got up to go to the bathroom, had a brain aneurysm and died in her early 50s.
My H waited until 62 so he would get a bigger pension, and he still hasn’t retired all the way - and he likely won’t anytime soon (he will be 66 soon).
We don’t plan our days together or hang out that much, until dinner each night. We do have one day a week “scheduled” to be together, and when we are on vacation we do most things together.
10 Likes
Hi all, I initially started this thread back in Mid-March and so amazing to see how many of you have answered. I have read many of these posts and appreciate the sharing of your thought process and how many of you do enjoy retirement. So as a follow up, a lot has happened since. My mom passed away late March. I was so caught up in the acceptance of it and dealing with closing her accounts and her apartment etc. My husband retired as of June 1 and we went on fabulous river cruise to celebrate our milestone anniversary. He is adjusting nicely. I had told myself that I would decide on my retirement during our vacation and if yes, I would leave end of July. However, just prior to our trip, my manager announced he was leaving to pursue life long dreams. When I returned from vacation, I found the unit has been restructured and my new line manager is actually someone I like and understands a lot of our struggles. He asked me to work on a project that I had given my prior manager and it had been shelved. He thought it was a great idea and would like to see it go live. I have been less stressed. So for now, I will stay on for another year and then I will pull the plug. I am cautiously optimistic for now. It is incredible, how so much happened in a short time.
27 Likes
One of the things I like most about working as an attorney for a non Big Law firm (still over 200 employees) is that these hierarchies are just not there and to the extent they are it’s all based on one thing: whose client it is. If you’re a newish attorney who brought in a client with billings of hundreds of thousands than you are in charge of that client’s projects. An established attorney within no book of business? You report to the people who have clients. Period. End of story.
6 Likes
I also appreciated that aspect of working for, and eventually becoming a non-equity partner in, a smaller firm. It is all about the client being comfortable with their main contact, which is what made me most comfortable as well. It is also why we didn’t leave people as associates for too long and ended up with a lot of us as non-equity partners–we were all expected to be main contacts whenever that made sense.
Well, you know, and being able to bill those clients appropriately. But I do mean appropriately.
2 Likes
A friend who used to work for a small law firm said, “You eat what you killed.” LOL. And there were no semi-annual performance reviews, goal setting, endless mandatory trainings,
or similar corporate BS. Client happy? You billed out and got payment for a truckload of hours? Good job.
5 Likes
The last few months you have haven dealing with plenty of emotions and changes - so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Sounds like you’ve landed in a pretty good spot for now. We never know what unexpected changes - for good or bad - will come our way. Rolling with those punches can be the best way to go!
10 Likes
My husband retired at 60 when he was let go from his job (after 36 years with the same company). He was ready to leave, the commute was getting tiring, he had just had a horrible case of shingles (where he worked from home for over a month), and he had actually hinted to his boss that he wouldn’t be upset if he got laid off. It all worked out, he got a good package (which he negotiated) and ended up not having to work during the pandemic.
There hadn’t been any master plan of what age to retire at, things just happened when they happened.
9 Likes
I don’t have clients so I’m not in an eat what I kill situation. But whoever’s client it is is the person in charge. No politics. Simple fact. And yep no silly goal setting, no multiple chain of command, no endless meetings. And because it’s my license on the line I’m always free to speak frankly to anyone.
7 Likes
Of course the fact that you have to keep track of every tenth of an hour that you work is the downside. it almost blew the mind of my daughter who works for a big tech company that when I am looking for something work related like a missing file, or even attending a firm sponsored lecture or group meeting on our work load…it DOES NOT COUNT AS REALLY WORKING AND I HAVE TO MAKE UP THAT TIME!
2 Likes
Just a follow up to where H is after the call on Monday. H sent an email to HR and to 2 of the people on the call telling them he is not working for the ***hole. H said if they still want to go forward with this line of reporting then his last day is Friday 7/10. We talked before he sent the email because he wanted to make sure that I was good with this decision. I told him I am 100% behind him. Later on Monday H talked to a good friend that still works for the Finnish company that sold off H’s division. This friend is in HR and she knows all of the players and why H feels they way he does about working for this guy. I know H felt better after venting to her.
Fast forward to today. H had a teams meeting with HR and 2 of the guys from Monday’s meeting (not the ***hole). They started off by saying how they are trying to expand business and why they made this decision. They said they were very surprised by H’s email. H responded with how disrespected he felt in the Monday meeting to be told in that group setting who he would be reporting to. H continued to say that he is not the first person in his division who has left because of the person H does not want to report to. H then said to his current boss that he is surprised he did not talk with the last manager the ***hole worked under. They implored H to reconsider because of the vast knowledge they will lose with his departure. H countered with if you want me to report to someone else I can stay on, but if your decision is that I report to him then Friday is my last day. They seemed very dumbfounded by this! H then said to the HR person that he would drop off his computer and phone at the office on Friday. H then said there was nothing left to say and ended the call. So a new chapter is starting for H. I do feel sad for him that it had to end this way, but once he disengages from this company I know he will be good.
25 Likes