<p>Went to a college alumni event this weekend (a professional event, as opposed to a game) and of course got stuck at one of the meals seated between a helicopter alumni mom and a student. The mom was there basically because her son is a freshman and this gave her an excuse to fly out to the east coast from LA.</p>
<p>When she realized the student was a political science major, it was oh my gosh - my son wants to study political science; he isnt being challenged by his classes so far (in the first 3 weeks of school); he went to a top private HS in LA and expected more out of an ivy (again - the ivys were a disappointment within 3 weeks); what clubs should he join; can he run for student body president; what do you mean he cant run as a freshman; well if he can’t do student gov’t, what is he supposed to do; he was raised in LA but is a Cowboys fan, how will he find Texas kids to watch games with him; oh my gosh - you simply have to talk to him to give him advice; let me have your phone number; you have to call him, he is too shy to call you; wait I will have him come to this conference - you have to come outside with me to meet him – then drags the girl outside with her.</p>
<p>I felt bad for the 19 yr old student who just could not find a way to tell this mom to back off and anytime the table of 10 people tried to change the convo, it went right back to this mom. Meanwhile - you could tell the student was at the conference to make some alumni connections of her own and this woman made her a babysitter and would not back off.</p>
<p>Mom has zero life of her own outside her kids and went on about how she met her first boyfriend on day 1 of freshman year but didnt get together with him, was thankful to meet her husband as a senior, only ever worked for 2 yrs etc. All well and good but to go on and on in a professional gathering about how you do nothing besides mother your kids is a bit odd.</p>
<p>I thought the best part was that she had been on campus for THREE days and helicopter son had made no effort to see her – kept bailing on dinner reservations, wouldnt come meet her when she asked – and she was offended that he was going out to play football with his friends/eat with them etc. Obviously the boy was glad to be going to school on the other side of the country.</p>
<p>How do you deal with these people? What causes parents to be like this? Obviously a kid who went to a top LA private and got into an ivy is more than capable of finding his own college ECs and figuring out his major – what does she think she can add?</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you seem so gleeful about this, and how it was “the best part” that her kid had not spent time with her yet- and then you speculate on all kinds of negative reasons why, when you really don’t have any facts at all.</p>
<p>It’s really kind of sad. A little grace would go a long way.</p>
<p>I think it goes a lack of grace. Sometimes sadness is disguised as disdain. Maybe this particular ‘helicopter’ parent was showing the type of involvement and concern the OP never actually received, and the loss is still present.</p>
<p>She told us that he was playing football, eating with friends, bailing on reservations – I’m not speculating. I and the other 9 people at the table where plenty graceful for say the first hr – after that it was all anyone could do not to tell the woman to ****. So yes, I and all of us were smiling at the fact that her pride and joy was bailing on her. Maybe he really really wanted to see his mommy but the darn flag football game was mandatory. I thought my own parents showed me way too much attention throughout college, but if they showed me THIS much attention, I may have left the country for college. </p>
<p>I am tired of going places and having to deal with people who have zero ability to fit in – when it happens at work that someone can’t stop talking about their 2 yr old, I’m not bothered because you suspect they are excited about their toddler. But on a college campus at a professional event, you’d think people would show more self respect; the event was not student centered in anyway except that 10 students were invited along with the hundreds of alums present.</p>
<p>Whatever - thumper is right, I’m not seeing this woman again because there is no way she is joining any committee to do anything to serve the school.</p>
<p>Trust me I and the other 9 at the table fit in just fine with each other; perhaps you and the other helicopters should stay home or maybe stay arm and arm with your child at all times.</p>
<p>And with that - think what you want. I’m off.</p>
<p>Well, whether or not you agree with her choice, she devoted her entire existence to her child and is having a hard time letting go. It is sad. We can all try to be more understanding. Having said that, I can say that for me personally, it is much easier to feel sympathy for a non-stop talker from a distance.</p>
<p>Ah, give AJ a break. We’ve all been stuck with people like this, whether a “helicopter parent” or a coworker obsessed with a hobby or the person sitting next to us on the bus or plane trying to sell us something. We all like to vent on these forums. Or lurk to read funny stories. The one I feel bad for is the girl who was trying to make professional contacts and got this parent instead.</p>
<p>AJ–I’ve been in the same situation at dinners. I’ve a good friend who tends towards the helicopter side (more of a bi-plane). When someone “complains” that their kid is going to a party, sports event, hot date, rather than spend time with them, I always say “Isn’t that wonderful!!! He/she must love it here and really joining in with things!” Then I add how HAPPY I am that my kids are self-sufficient and raised to be independent adults (not a complete truth but it shuts up a lot of hot air.)
Sometimes I tell the truth–mom, are you KIDDING me that you think your kids want to be with you on Saturday night rather than with their friends? Were you ever young? If you want them with you then offer the usuals–free food and invite their friends.</p>
<p>I ran into a mom like that at BB&B, buying things for her freshman daughter’s dorm room. Interestingly, the D was not with her. Anyway, she went on and on, but you could tell she was just really nervous about whether her D would make it in college and be OK so far from home. Also, she herself had never gone away to college, so had all kinds of fears that you or I wouldn’t have. I just reassured her ad nauseum that her D would be fine, and I do think it helped her. </p>
<p>The woman sure sounded annoying, but she was probably suffering from some significant worry combined with some serious empty nest syndrome. You gotta have more mercy.</p>
<p>The 19 year old girl was challenged to learn the first task of networking. Figuring out ways to move on to chat with the next person without making the person you are talking with feel slighted. Good time as any to learn.</p>
<p>I think I was more like that when my daughter was a freshman. Give her time. But I have a coworker who just got done with “helping” both her daughters plan their weddings. I think she did about 90% for each. Then I had two separate conversations with two different coworkers - one just got back from taking her daughter to Vegas for her 21st birthday, the other is leaving for a similar trip in a couple weeks. Not only were/are these family events but one girl’s boyfriends parents are also going. Since when did parents help their kids party on their 21st? I sent my daughter a check and I don’t even want to know how she spends it!</p>
<p>How about the grandmothers now over-parenting their grand children? I think the hepicopter trend is not going away any time soon - it’s up to each of us to evaluate ourselves and tone it down if we are over-involved in the minutae of our kids lives.</p>
<p>Taking your kid to Vegas for their 21st takes the cake. Are there no “kid” rituals anymore and everything is a family event?</p>
<p>And for the record, the alumni event had nothing to do with parental status – as long as you’re an alum wanting to get involved with programs at the school (not individual student issues but institutional issues), it does not matter whether you are sending a kid there or not. So to take that kind of event, attend only because you get to see your DS, and then transform it into a “I’m gathering advice for my DS” session annoys the $hit out of everyone else – politely as we all tried to change the subject about 20 times. It’s like people like that don’t see there own craziness. In her 20 min of complaining about how it’s unfair that her DS missed the date to run for student gov’t and how the date should not be so early in the semester, more than one person pointed out that the 30 freshman on the slate all figured out how to run. They don’t get that they are harming their kids who are likely waiting for mom to say “ok son, did you fill out the student gov’t form?”</p>
<p>Oh well - maybe the next event goes better.</p>