<p>Yeah, but human nature is very complex. I’ve seen mothers(not my own mind you) that grew up in the 1930’s where women did not have that many opportunities, etc… resend their own daughters for having so many opportunities. You would have thought these mothers would be very happy for their own daughters but it’s the opposite.</p>
<p>The OP and her daughter should be proud of their accomplishments, and this experience will serve to introduce the daughter to an unfortunate fact: if she graduates from a top school, in some circles she will be a target of bigotry for the rest of her life. She just discovered that some members of her family belong to that circle. But they won’t be the only ones, so she will have to get used to it. Sad, but true.</p>
<p>My d attended an alumni luncheon that the ivy she attends held for the benefit of this year’s applicants. Her school happens to have the most students applying from our city. this year . D found it very interesting how people conducted themselves. A couple of students sat at her table. (D was the only student accepted from her school to this ivy last year). One guy from her school attempted to join d’s table but the mother (an alum of the ivy) of his girlfriend (who was also applying) literally grabbed his arm and wouldn’t allow it! The mother refused to speak with my d. Mind you my d said the all the other alums were just lovely to everyone. </p>
<p>I guess my point is this parent and alum , a very suuccessful doctor, really let her insecurities get the best of her.All these kids could have sat together because they are on friendly terms. My d was asked to speak by the chair of the alumni committee. She did so gladly because she has found this to be the greatest experience of her life. </p>
<p>Adults set the tone for young people . As for your situation when my d was accepted there was some of the same lack of enthusiasm for her success. D was a bit taken aback but she found out who her friends were. One long time friend of mine has had a little bit of trouble with my d’s success and oddly enough it isn’t for lack of her own or her kids’. D said there is something about it being ivy league that makes it “weird” for some. Oh well. </p>
<p>If Yale is where your child chooses to go my d has a number of friends who are very happy there. Happy decision making and I’m quite sure it was a happy holiday for your family. Our d knowing where she was going before the holidays last year was a tremendous blessing for her.</p>
<p>I agree for the most part. It’s your daughter’s decision. I think your family may just be looking out for her in a certain way. From personal experience I will let you know that many Ivies have plenty of snooty stuck up kids who think they are better than anyone else, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your daughter may prefer a more down to earth environment but that is ultimately her decision. </p>
<p>If you really didn’t mean to but did indeed make it seem as if you were rubbing it in your family members faces I would be upset as well. Even if your daughter decides to go state at least she has the option for ivy available.</p>
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<p>I have a hand bunch of friends of Yale, Columbia, MIT, Harvard, Wharton (Upenn) and Cornell (I went to Stuyvesant HS.) Some are happy with the school, some are not. It’s all a matter of personal preference. I think each ivy has it’s own appeal to a specific demographic of student. The ones that aren’t happy are going to stick it out anyway because of the networking opportunity. The ones at Yale, Harvard, and Wharton that I know personally don’t seem to be thrilled with how rude and condescending some of the students can be. At any ivy you will find plenty of kids who think they are better than everyone else, you just need to learn to avoid those kids and find the rarer bread of down to earth fun students. </p>
<p>Ivy league schools can be a great experience, or can be a miserable 4 years of your life. Like I said it’s personal preference. You family should be happy that she has the choice. I would also explain to them that your Daughter may not go there dependent on where else she goes. I’m not sure what state you are in but California for example has some public universities (Berekely for instance) that are just as good as any ivy and free for in state students, a relatively low tuition for others. Either way I’m sure your daughter will make a decision based on the environment that fits her personality best.</p>
<p>I agree that it is nice when relatives are happy that a child is admitted into their first choice school- but despite the competitive process- it really isn’t an indication that she will have a happy life or is more “special” than another student who didn’t even apply to an Ivy or other competitive school.</p>
<p>My oldest is first gen college- she also graduated from one of the most rigourous private colleges in the country- but our relatives were <shrug> mildly curious she was attempting to attend college & to them, it was a regional school that they had barely heard of.</shrug></p>
<p>It doesn’t really matter- they aren’t the ones who are attending or paying for it- but we didn’t talk about it around them.</p>
<p>UriA702 wrote:
</p>
<p>Off-topic, but this is not correct. Cal costs about $25,000 instate (including room and board) and about $45,000 for out of state.</p>
<p>unfortunately Bay is right.
My D had her eye on some instate CA schools and not only are they very expensive for out of staters, they are near impossible for admissions</p>
<p>Tuition at Cal is only about $8,000, vs. $30,000 + in private institutions, for residents; the $25,000 is an inflated estimate, including housing (which is fairly expensive – around $10,000 for the dorms) and other costs.</p>
<p>Not to belabor this off-topic point, but according to the source:<a href=“http://students.berkeley.edu/admissions/general.asp?id=26[/url]”>http://students.berkeley.edu/admissions/general.asp?id=26</a></p>
<p>$25,000 is Cal’s own estimate for in-state students living in dorms. (Add $19,620 for OOS)</p>
<p>Is it true that if you work in California for one year, you are considered instate, and
only pay instate tuition?</p>
<p>My d doesn’t attend the schools referred to in UriA702’s post and it simply hasn’t been her experience “rude and condescending students”. I know those reading this will possibly think"give me a break" but d’s comfort level with the school’s atmosphere led her there in the first place. That is not to say there haven’t been adjustments (not enough sleep,)but it feels like her adjustment has gone well. She feels students are supportive to each other and yes that she fits there.So it has been a great experience. I do think being happy for one’s kid does not necessarily equate with rubbing one’s nose in it at all. I’m just wondering if it isn’t a bit stereotypical to broadbrush kids at ivys as snobs, arrogant, etc. </p>
<p>One of d’s friends went to Stuyvesant and she is quite nice.Her parents were as wwell .I shared a meal with them weekend.</p>
<p>mammall, has your daughter noticed your family’s coolness on the matter? Have you spoken with her about it?</p>
<p>mammall,
Sorry I am so late to this thread, but wanted to add my cyber congratulations to your D. What a wonderful accomplishment to be admitted to Yale!<br>
I saw this same story play out about 20 years ago, when a girl I was coaching (varsity sport) was admitted to Yale and Boston College. She told me that she wouldn’t attend Yale because extended family members would never forgive her! I really could not believe this, but she matriculated at Boston College. Ya never know what they are thinking and why! I hope that your immediate family is able to celebrate your D’s success.</p>
<p>momof3sons - that’s a good cautionary story - thank you for sharing it. My uber rational D is very aware of the consternation in the family. Ironically, I think the extended family’s lack of enthusiasm has fueled her determination to go – and mine to somehow pay for it!</p>
<p>Good for both of you, and congratulations to your D! We also felt we had to be quiet when S was accepted at many top colleges 2 years ago, because his cousin weren’t even allowed to apply to any but the local state colleges, even though she would probably would have been accepted with athletic scholarships at many schools.</p>
<p>Hmm, sorry I must of been mistaken. I read that somewhere, must be wrong.</p>
<p>Help your daughter make her decision for the right reasons – don’t stay away from the ivy school because the family disapproves, but don’t go to spite them either. Just ignore them–they should be happy for your daughter’s opportunity. If they’re not, that’s their problem, not yours.</p>
<p>“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds”.</p>
<p>mammall,</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear that some family members have chosen not to celebrate your daughter’s wonderful success. Whenever situations like this come up, I always think of this line I read:</p>
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</p>
<p>This issue is not your daughter’s nor yours - it’s theirs. Don’t own it; rather bask in the wonderful achievement, regardless of whether your D decides to attend Yale or not.</p>
<p>Congratulations!</p>
<p>mammall, congrats to your daughter and your family. As for the extended family, “this too shall pass.” We have just a tiny bit of it, when younger D was accepted ED to JHU 2 weeks ago. Older D (Cook College '07) who lives at home and works to repay her loans walks around muttering about the drop in standard of living (I’m talking about cross-country vacations visitng my family in LA, eating out, those sorts of extras we’ll cut back on). But I know D#1 is very proud of her li’l sis, and is planning trips to Baltimore, ostensibly to visit Sis but also to check out the male grad students/med students.</p>