<p>Mountains, I like that quote very much. Do you know where it’s from??</p>
<p>VeryHappy,</p>
<p>I heard this quote from Michael Beckwith on an Oprah Show, and his exact words were:
His words really stuck a chord when I first heard them and they’ve stayed with me since then.</p>
<p>The quote on my no. 59 post came from this link:
[Learning</a> To Use The Secret: Applying the Law of Attraction to Your Life](<a href=“http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_secret_two]Learning”>http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_secret_two)</p>
<p>By the way, I am not taking a stand on the principles of “The Secret.” I just like the quote.</p>
<p>Is there any possibility that the extended family’s lack of enthusiasm is related to concerns about the adverse financial impact on the family and on younger siblings’ opportunities?</p>
<p>The parents themselves expressed concerns when our nephew turned up his nose at attending his parents’ Tier 2 alma mater with a full merit scholarship in favor of an Ivy. What Yale considered to be his parents’ EFC put a serious dent in any retirement plans they had for the next 20 years. It also forced them to revise their educational assistance plans for all their kids.</p>
<p>Also if the Ivy is located far from home could the extended family be concerned that they may not get to see a beloved grandchild/niece/nephew as much in the future as they would like? If the Ivy is on the opposite coast it would probably mean the child will not be home for family Thanksgiving, Easter, birthday celebrations, etc. Yes, kind of selfish I know, but motivated by love rather than jealousy anyway.</p>
<p>Just a few ideas …</p>
<p>Is there any possibility that there may be something going on behind the scenes? If your family is always like this, then there you go, but maybe there is something you don’t know? We had a similar situation last year where I noticed lack of enthusiasm for something good that happened to Zoosergirl. Nothing overt, but I was hurt and confused. Found out later that something bad had happened that had been kept from us for the generous reason of not spoiling ZG’s moment. It was bad enough that we sensed something, though the intentions were good.</p>
<p>I heard this quote from Michael Beckwith on an Oprah Show, and his exact words were:
Quote:
Mediocrity always attacks excellence.
His words really stuck a chord when I first heard them and they’ve stayed with me since then.</p>
<p>Voltaire wrote in 1772
Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien.</p>
<p>The best is the enemy of the good.</p>
<p>zoosermom and whatever4 - Yes and Yes. Our family is very scared of the financial and geographic implications and think H and I are about to get in over heads. And there is some unspoken tension in the family regarding one of the cousins. I do sense the whole story is being kept from us and that makes me sad that they think we’d be judgemental. Family life is never simple, I guess. Looking forward to all of us getting back to school and work. Vacations are exhausting and I can’t wait to have my brown bag lunch on Wednesday at my desk all by myself.</p>
<p>mammall,
Just a thought, but Curmudgeon’s D was also accepted at Yale LY, but because of financial concerns, she chose a LAC where she has a free ride and is happy as a pig-in-a-poke! You may want to PM Cur. He is a wealth of information re:financial aid.</p>
<p>Uri- the UCs will say they have “no tuition” and this is technically true, but they more than make up for it with fees!! And yes, it is $22-$25k annually COA</p>
<p>There can be various reasons for this kind of coolness. I can remember people who genuinely couldn’t understand why a Virginia resident would go to Yale, when he could go to UVA. To them it seemed an absurd waste of money, because in their eyes there really was no school better than UVA.</p>
<p>Emerson belongs here too. A paraphrase: If you’re not making enemies, you’re doing something wrong.</p>
<p>Congrats mammall. Wonderful news. Relatives are silly. My relatives fall into two groups: Those who have heard of Barnard and Williams and those that haven’t. Those that have have kids who achieved at similar levels; those that haven’t don’t know what those schools are and don’t care. So what? And do you really care about people who can’t be happy for your D? What a wonderful achievement! The two young people I know who now attend adore their experience there.</p>
<p>“You can please all the people some of the time
Some of the people all the time”
but you can never please the relatives.</p>
<p>(I might have mashed the first two lines, but I guarantee Line 3.)</p>
<p>That brown bag lunch is delicious sometimes. CONGRATS to D.</p>
<p>I think we think “family” should support us no matter what, but
instead when there are critical junctures, some second-guessing
comes along. I think this includes when you’ll be happy about
marriage prospects, grandchildren and so on. </p>
<p>Family is like a pot of oatmeal and any stirring causes every
particle in the pot to move and make way until there’s a
new stasis. It’ll resettle.</p>
<p>Hunt, I understand what you are saying but it goes both ways. There are Ivy League grads who see nothing but Ivy League as appropriate. My son , a Virginia resident, is at UVa . We are middle class (about 100000 a year-too rich for some schools to get aid, too poor to afford full freight at many privates). Son had eyes on Duke and Princeton but he was responsible enough and savvy enough to realize Virginia was a great fit for him. Applied ED ( when it was still available ) and has not looked back. Got feedback from others (including uncle who is a prof and a Yale grad) who fully supported his choice of UVa .</p>
<p>Mammall - sounds like a typical Southern family - worried about your ability to afford it, and worried about never seeing the grandchild (a wild stab in the dark) and great-grandchildren-to-be, and they express it by being less than enthusiastic. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt - except in our case some people didn’t realize Dartmouth was in the ivy League, so we remained somewhat under the radar.</p>
<p>EK:</p>
<p>Off topic, but Voltaire’s quote really means “leave well enough alone.” It’s a strike against perfectionism, not a comment on petty envy.</p>
<p>marite: Thanks for the correction. I have always used the quote in the way you suggest, actually making it my personal motto in the form of : The perfet is the enemy of the good. And since perfection is impossible, we must embrace the good.</p>
<p>My brother’s stepson is in middle school. Teachers wanted to move him into the honors program. Bro was thrilled, but his wife’s family balked and initally said no. Bro and I were dumbfounded. But no one in his wife’s family has ever gone to college and they’re doing fine financially (self-employed in construction type businesses). Bro finally convinced his wife by telling her that stepson would become friends with more motivated students and be less likely to fall in with “troublemakers” in the honors program. Stepson had previously been a marginal behavior problem, due to boredom. It’s been a year and he’s thriving in Honors. Hard to believe his own family would hold him back!</p>
<p>As someone born in the South who now lives in New England but has lots of Southern relatives, I’m disappointed but not surprised by your family’s reaction. I think MANY southerners have a deep-rooted distrust and resentment of the Northeast. Many southerners think Yankees look down on them, and unfortunately many Yankees do assume a southern accent means someone is slow/stupid. </p>
<p>The “X was good enough for me, why isn’t it good enough for you?” can be heard everywhere. Implicit in that statement is, “If you chose something different than what I chose, then you are saying my choice was poor.”</p>
<p>It doesn’t help you much, but I bet you’re not the only family who has ever had this reaction. I’d just try to avoid the subject whenever possible, and if they persist in asking where D got in or where she’s going, just smile and say, “She’ll go to the school that’s the best fit for her.” If they say you’re spending too much, just say, “That’s nice of you to be concerned, but DH and I have discussed it and we are comfortable with our decision.” Then change the subject FIRMLY.</p>
<p>And congratulations to your D!!!</p>
<p>Alot of this is all about the bragging rights. My mother-in-law at 87 still can remember her son at Yale and grandson at UVa (although forgets many other things)but I’m sure she has/would forget less well known schools. She still remembers seeing guys playing croquet on the Lawn at UVa !</p>
<p>“I think MANY southerners have a deep-rooted distrust and resentment of the Northeast. Many southerners think Yankees look down on them, and unfortunately many Yankees do assume a southern accent means someone is slow/stupid.”</p>
<p>As a Southerner, I have a slightly different take. I just feel like my son would be a fish out of water. Not that anyone would look down on him per se, but would it be a comfortable environment for a sweet Hispanic boy who only has ever lived in Texas? I also think there would be a greater assumption that he was admitted to a top school on the basis of affirmative action, and who needs to go to a school with people who think you don’t belong? </p>
<p>Besides, he doesn’t like the cold! : )</p>
<p>My husband’s family is VERY tight with a buck. They simply would not comprehend why anyone would pay for a private college (even an Ivy) when low tuition is available at a state school. My son is not Ivy material, but there’s a good chance he will go to a small private college…I hope the inlaws won’t notice because they plain won’t understand.</p>
<p>Ours went to private hs, although are currently enrolled in public university. When they were in hs, H’s family had the same reaction as missypie’s. It was obvious they thought we were foolish, and alluded numerous times that our kids were being sheltered, coddled, and wouldn’t be able to handle a large university (their kids were all older, and attended the state flagship), or the ‘real world’. Ended up that our kids not only attend the same U as theirs, but are doing fabulous, involved in lots of campus activities, not a problem ‘adjusting’ as they predicted. They thought we were wasting money all those years.</p>