<p>I know that legally, people are responsible for themselves when they turn 18- but what if your kid made a large decision like getting married, moving to the other side of the world, etc. at 18- is it okay for them to do that, assuming they’re not receiving and financial support from you? What if the kid is 25, but is receiving financial support?</p>
<p>What do you mean, is it ok? At 18 if a kid is self-supporting, why would they need my permission? I know that in some cultures and in certain religions, young people have no say until they are married off, but in reality in the US, we parents have no say once they are on their own. My son joined the military at 18-I did not agree with it but her certainly did not need my permission. My older D moved to another part of the country at 18 and supported herself as part of her post-HS/pre-college experience. She didn’t need my permission either.</p>
<p>I imagine that if an adult is 25 and getting financial help from parents they can attach strings to that money, but all they need to do to gain control over their lives at that point is to cut the funds off and go out on their own. I would feel sorry for a 25 yo being controlled by parents to the point of not being able to move where they wanted to.</p>
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<p>That’s what I was wondering about. Thanks for your answer.</p>
<p>There’s a difference between what people will do and what the law mandates. By 18 you can go off and do whatever you want, your parents don’t need to consent legally. But most 18-year-olds are still at least somewhat dependent on their parents, and will probably do what their parents say as long as they want that support to continue. And presumably the parent has the kid’s best interests at heart. </p>
<p>Most kids are independent by age 25, so that’s a very different situation. </p>
<p>In my family you are not really an adult until you are fully 100% self supporting and moved out. Not much changes between the teen years and the early 20’s unless you are able to do that… my sister is 21 and still in school and living at home so not really considered an adult, I am 25 and only just now that I am fully self-supporting-- I lived at home for a while after college. Even once my parents loosen the reins, a certain amount of support during an emergency is still forthcoming… until you are married. After marriage you are you and your husband’s responsibility.</p>
<p>My sister did get engaged at 18 to someone that lived across the country, and my parents were supportive but very upset. If she’d gone, she would have lost all financial support including her college money. Choices come with strings until you can afford to do things yourself. She ended up not getting married for unrelated reasons-- it was a bad match anyway.</p>
<p>In my family and culture, the parents take care of their children the best they can until the children are self-supporting. You’re considered an adult when you take on adult responsibilities. The fact that the parents may support their child even though the child is 20 does not prompt the parents to strip them of adult responsibilities or privileges. The children are treated as adults and are respected as so. When the child is self-supporting, the child is viewed as a "(wo)man"because they are independent rather than a “young (wo)man” like they were considered because of their dependence. </p>
<p>The child is able to make whatever decision with their life if they choose to do so, but they must understand the effects that come from that decision. If they want to move across the country and their parents do not agree, they must find the means to do so. If they want to not go to college and fool around, they must find the means to do so. (No way would the parents foot the bill for such a thing like that!)</p>
<p>Now, if these decisions were made at 18 there would be a large pushback. My mom always said that her financial responsibility for me ended when I got married. Rightfully so. If the child is mature enough to get married, they’re mature enough to supports themselves without the parents’ assistance. </p>
<p>my family viewed it much like emaIo7 explains. They felt(and so do I, now) a person isn’t defined as a n adult until they are self supporting and out.
Of course we know legal definitions, and we are not including those that may be physically or mentally challenged, or still at home caring for those that are.</p>
<p>Wife and I told our son as he started dating to be sure he could afford it all, if he got a girl pregnant. He asked what we meant by “it all”. We explained if he was man enough to make a girl pregnant, then he didn’t need our support; and was man enough to support himself and her necessary costs, even if it meant giving up on college dreams and maybe even quitting h.s. to work, also meaning good luck living elsewhere. I’m not sure we’d have stuck to it, but I’m sure he believed we would, and no unplanned pregnancies came about.</p>
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<p>However, the parents do have considerable (almost absolute) say if the kid wants to attend college before s/he turns 24, gets married, or serves in the US military, due to the way college financial aid works.</p>
<p>Note that some other rights, privileges, and responsibilities associated with legal adulthood may occur at ages other than 18. Purchasing of alcohol is a common example.</p>
<p>My husband told both our sons: We’re a Catholic, military family. We don’t abort our missions. So far so good …</p>
<p>@Niquii77 -</p>
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<p>…what if you got/get married 40? 50?</p>
<p>@Bestfriendsgirl - What do you mean?</p>
<p>My mom always liked to say that once kids reached the age of 15 or 16 there wasn’t really a lot you could do to directly influence them, that they by that point were becoming their own person, and having raised my own son to the age of 18, I tend to think she was right. By the time they are 18, as much as we don’t like it, they are their own person, whether or not we support them, and while the parent role never really goes away, we also have to respect them enough to let them live their own lives. Does that mean if you disagree with their choices that you have to support them, especially financially? No, but on the other hand we also have to respect I think their choices and be very careful about how we use our support, especially financial, to get them to do what we want, that while we as parents are within our rights to use our financial support as a tool, we should ask ourselves if we should. </p>
<p>I guess the way I would put it is by the time they are 18, they should be making most of their decisions, and even if we don’t like them, we can respect them enough to allow them to do it, even if we don’t like it. Sure, there will be come things, if I thought my son was using drugs and my support was enabling him, I would cut it off, or if he married a girl who was openly contemptuous of us and seemed to be turning him against us, I would cut off help, but for me, that would have to be a last resort, because when I help him, I am doing so, not to force him to do what I want, but rather help him find his way. At 18 no one is fully an adult IMO, the legal definition doesn’t mean their head is fully on their shoulders at this age, and it will take years before they really become an adult (and each kid is different; my S at 18 is pretty mature, but he is still learning and still needs occassionally dear old dad or mom to help him figure things out), and as parents while we are no longer the absolute masters of his life, we kind of morph into being mentors and guides rather than absolute dictators:)</p>
<p>Your question assumes that I would still be dependent on my mom when I’m 40 or 50. </p>
<p>@Niquii77 - But you said your mom said her financial responsibility for you ends when you marry, not when you become independent financially.</p>
<p>I used her statement in response to your question about an 18 year old making “a large decision like getting married”. If the child wants to get married at a young age before fulfilling other obligations such as finishing college or establishing their independence, then it is clear they do not need to support of the parents. It is no longer the parents’ job to support the child. That’s what their spouse is for. </p>
<p>Now, if I never got married until I was 40 or 50, I would not dependent on my mom. Why? Because birds must fly.</p>
<p>I consider my children over 18 to be adults. However, if they choose to have us help pay for college, then we (the parents) have some say in some decisions. If they choose to be totally financially independent, then I don’t presume to have any say in their decisions. Of course, if they ask for my opinion, I might give it - but once they are financially independent, they are free to follow any path they choose. </p>
<p>I have a D graduating from college in 2 weeks. She will be living in a very expensive city with a low paying job. But, rather than dole out an “allowance,” we and her grandmother have agreed to give her a very nice cash gift. It should be enough to supplement her income to help with rent for a year - or if she chooses to live someplace cheaper, she can save it for graduate school some day, or a down payment on a house, or blow it all on a great vacation. The decision is now hers. She is an adult. </p>
<p>Legally or practically?</p>
<p>For FASFA child is considered adult if married or have a child. </p>
<p>Practically, when child is capable of supporting himself (financially) and helping others. AS long as the child receives any financial support from a parent, he/she is not free to make decisions, without consulting a parent IMHO. </p>
<p>“No taxation without representation”. In other words, if I pay for something, I have a decision power in it. </p>
<p>My sister and I weren’t much supported past the age of about 18 but my parents still help when they can. I’m 23 and my sister is 28.</p>
<p>I don’t think the child/adult division is that noticeable in my family. </p>
<p>In my family, it’s been a gradual transition to adulthood. We expect our kids to become increasingly independent and able to manage their lives, but we are here to support and guide them if they need help. So far so good, two are in college, but the oldest will soon graduate and it looks like she has a job (yea!), so it will be interesting to see how much of an independent adult she is by this time next year. My guess is that she’ll run big decisions by us, but will handle her day to day life just fine.</p>
<p>I simply can’t imagine having to be treated like a minor if I was over 21 and still living at home. Absolutely there should be a level of respect and various boundaries hashed out, but even if I was paying their way, I would not expect a 22 or 23 yo to have to answer to me the way a 15 or 16 yo would.</p>
<p>When my son got laid off a few years ago and went to community college for a technical certificate, he lived at home. At 25 I certainly wasn’t going to control him even though I helped him financially. He contributed from is side jobs and helped in many ways around the house. What was I going to do if he came in late, ground him?</p>
<p>I’m with the 18 crowd. They are still connected financially until they graduate at 21/22 but for all practical purposes after they graduated high school we treated them as adults. We appreciated when they told us when they were coming and going and we appreciated if they asked for advice, but we no longer told them what they could and couldn’t do or when they had to come and go even though they were connected financially because we paid for college. We did not pay for ‘spending’ money or made commentary on how they spent their money (that they earned). They were no longer connected financially the day of college graduation, but they were prepared for that as it was well understood. My second is graduating in a month and just called today and told us he has a new place to live, had signed the lease, paid the deposit etc. etc. so he clearly understood. My oldest has been independent since his graduation in 2011. One more to go. </p>