When is a school a 'pressure cooker' vs 'for high achievers'?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>I am new to the forums and am getting really confused. </p>

<p>Our daughter (whose parents went to public school and are not that well informed about the different cultures within each school) was accepted at PEA, PAA, Choate, and Hotchkiss (no word from Deerfield) and we are now planning revists. It seems as if PEA and PAA have reputations as being academically ‘pressure cookers’. I don’t know what this REALLY means, is that a synonym for cut-throat, or is it a case of cognitive dissonance that people who don’t go there, label them this way? Or is ‘pressure cooker’ a synonym for an expectation for academic excellence?</p>

<p>Are Choate/Hotchkiss/Deerfield different because they are smaller? Does smaller equate with nurturing?</p>

<p>She’s a really good student, but I think many of the ‘other’ things contribute so much towards making these schools so special. I just don’t know how to figure this out. Any help would be greatly appreciated.</p>

<p>Thanks,</p>

2

<p>I’d define it as pressure that comes from high expectations. The workload is intense too, though I think it is at most prep schools. The difference at a school like Exeter is that there’s no where to hide if you’re not prepared.</p>

<p>Not cutthroat though–kids seem very willing to help one another with homework, and the continued emphasis of Harkness seems to be listening carefully and synthesizing others perspectives with your own, rather than scoring points off one another.</p>

3

<p>Any opportunity is what you make of it. DS reports that not all his dorm mates are equally studious. If DC wants to be in the top of the class at these schools, then that requires serious work!</p>

4

<p>Congratulations! I don’t think your daughter can go wrong with those choices. Perhaps you can narrow it down a bit to not have to do as many revisits, but maybe not. </p>

<p>My daughter is a senior at PA Andover. I would never use the term cutthroat to describe her experience. The students support each other immensely. The teachers and coaches are extremely helpful outside of class hours, and she has gotten all the nurturing she wanted. </p>

<p>At our revisit 4 years ago, Jane Fried said to pick a school that you won’t grow out of in less than 4 years, and that’s been my daughter’s experience. It hasn’t felt too big at all to her, and she’s taken advantage of being able to go deeply into certain subjects (foreign language, for example) that might be more limited at a smaller school (or maybe not, my experience is only as an Andover parent and I don’t mean to be disrespectful to any other school). </p>

<p>As far as the pressure cooker characterization: yes, my daughter and her high achieving peers work incredibly hard much of the time (especially 11th and 12th grade). I have no doubt that she would have worked as hard at any of the schools you mention. All these schools are full of smart, intellectually curious kids who have so many opportunities, and tend to overextend when they find activities they are passionate about. I have been concerned at times about her workload, much of it self-imposed, but that’s her personality. There are ways to “do Andover” or another school more easily, as GMTplus7 says. </p>

<p>So I’ll let the other parents and students weigh in about the other wonderful schools, but it’s really down to what your daughter likes and what she is interested in. Good luck, and enjoy your Revisits!</p>

5

<p>It’s the nature of the beast that at these schools filled with highly competitive and high achieving, talented kids, who are together 24 x7, the stress level is significantly higher than even the most pressured of private day schools, where the kids go home at night. For OP, I tend to think that the stress level will be felt acutely at all four of those schools, and so if she’s ready to take the plunge to that environment, your DC should pick based on other factors: i.e. big vs. small, rural vs. access to town, ECs and interests.</p>

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<p>The students in Andover’s new interactive video speak about their academic transitions:</p>

<p>[Andover</a> Walkabout?Admission](<a href=“http://walkabout.andover.edu/]Andover”>http://walkabout.andover.edu/)</p>

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<p>Thanks, impressive professional video.</p>

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<p>My child is finishing her first year at Andover. Before PA she would definitely be classified as pressure-prone and she still feels the pressure. Still, she’s made an interesting transition socially from her public junior high school where she had a kind of forced and just OK social life to PA where she has many friends involving a rip-roaring social life (as far as we know all positive). She seemed to get very close to a significant number of kids very quickly. We were amazed by this. She finds it very supportive and yet very intense. Interestingly a minority of kids don’t feel pressure at all because they’re so smart or don’t care. </p>

<p>We definitely do not see it as cutthroat as she’s finding it to be an amazing (and nurturing) experience. As to the size of PA, we’re confident that she’s getting all the support she needs. After all, PA is providing a state-of-the-art education which in 2012 includes a sophisticated support system. </p>

<p>Also, we never put any pressure on her and aren’t all of the great schools you’re considering packed with academically motivated kids? (rhetorical question) If you PM me I’ll be happy to get answers to any questions you may have from her.</p>

9

<p>My daughter is a lower-mid (10th grader) at Hotchkiss. We did not look at PEA or EA due to their size. She was also accepted at Deerfield. </p>

<p>I can tell you that the expectations are high, but there is help available.<br>
She was having trouble in one of her classes and for a couple of months had weekly meetings with the teacher. Currently she goes to another teacher’s apartment for study hall a couple of times a week (its a language teacher) and it’s been really helpful. First, it is quieter and she gets more done in all her subjects and second, they only speak that language so it’s great for that.<br>
Her adviser is terrific. Classes are engaging, challenging.<br>
I think she puts more pressure on herself than anything.
We were recently at Exeter for an athletic event and it certainly has a different feel to it than Hotchkiss or Deerfield does, due to the size. Not better or worse, just different. </p>

<p>I think the revisit days will be invaluable.</p>

10

<p>Agree on the revisits - also because it’s not just the academics that matter but the campus culture. Some kids can easily feel “at home” anywhere, but each school has it’s own vibe and when times get rough that can make or break an experience.</p>

<p>Exeter was tough when I was attending - very tough. It’s a kind of “hands of” school in that you’re expected to be self-managing, the workload is huge, as are the expectations. The grading curve is not generous. But I liked the challenge and graduated on the Dean’s list and had some friends on the faculty that I could talk to when needed. So for the right kid it is doable and you can thrive there. I’ve also gotten to know another mother on the boards and her description of her daughter’s Deerfield experience mirror’s my daughter’s experience at Taft. A LOT of work, but a nurturing environment (without being coddling). They both went to their respective revisit days and knew instantly which school fit them better than the others.</p>

<p>So it depends on your specific student and what type of environment she’ll thrive in. If you can, go to revisit days but HOLD your opinion. Just watch how your daughter acts and reacts to students and faculty while there. Sometimes a “gut” reaction is what finally helps with the decision.</p>

<p>My family was also unfamiliar with boarding schools - I was recruited and went sight unseen (in the stone age before the internet). It worked out fine. So if you can’t revisit - look at student and school videos on Youtube to see if it helps you get a glimpse of campus culture and vibe. If not - they’re all good schools and it’s hard to make a bad choice.</p>

<p>What is clear is that the transition to any BS from a public school is tough the first few months, and my daughter was a straight A student but was running double time to adjust to the new workload. So if you can think of it as a “college-like” environment early in terms of culture and class assignments, it will give you a flavor. Not so much a pressure cooker as it is “more work then before” cooker. :-)</p>

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<p>As already stated, there are several factors driving the “pressure cooker” at schools, but the primary one is the competitive college admissions process. Of course this is prevalent at all schools, public and private, but unlike public schools where only the best students except to attend the top colleges, most kids at top prep schools expect to attend top colleges.</p>

<p>From the Deerfield Scroll: [Student</a> Stress at a Record High|The Scroll](<a href=“http://scroll.deerfield.edu/?p=6750]Student”>http://scroll.deerfield.edu/?p=6750)</p>

<p>One needs to do well in all their classes and this requires a lot of work to earn high grades. In addition, the pressure to take high level courses, such as AP-level classes in Sophomore and Junior year, has never been higher. </p>

<p>Also, prep school students are now competing academically against a world-wide pool of applicants and it’s hard to stand out. Students know this and the pressure ratchets up. After all, most of them are very driven.</p>

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<p>Stress comes in many forms. My son is a senior at Hotchkiss. He has done well there academically. (He has been on the honor roll every semester while there.) But grades are never enough in top BS’s; he has stressed over sports, EC’s, girls, his looks, his room, his clothes, his sleep habits, etc., etc. He wants every captainship, every elected office, every top grade, every athletic award, every bon mot, etc. At times, he has driven my wife and me bonkers. </p>

<p>Was my son just tightly wired at birth (and/or by my wife and me soon thereafter) or was Hotchkiss driving him too hard? Who knows? Probably the stress was more self induced than inflicted by the school. But, when ever asked whether or not he liked THS, he would, after catching his breath, tell me that he didn’t like Hotchkiss; he LOVED it: the teachers, the students, the facilities, the history, the setting, et al.</p>

<p>So, in the end, each student needs to ask her/himself whether or not s/he can handle whatever stress a top shelf prep school offers; if so, grab all of it he or she can take. Life is full of stress. Get used to it, and there is no better way to get used to it than at a great prep school…IMHO. </p>

<p>By the way, he has just stated his “senior slide” this spring. His college apps are out the door. He is starting to hear back from colleges. (So far, so good.) And he is now most relaxed after almost three years of very hard and demanding work at THS. He is now getting to enjoy the lush fruits he has sowed and tilled.</p>

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<p>@ Bareers</p>

<p>“Pressure cooker” vs.“amazing” is in the eye of the beholder. My daughter loves Exeter - loves the other students the most, but appreciates the gifted teachers, huge course choice, fun sports and overall warmth, diversity and respect of the place. She feels very fortunate to have the opportunity to be there.</p>

<p>She finishes classes (and sports) at 6 and usually has about 4 hours of homework each day (one free hour during the day helps take the pressure off the evening). The homework prepares her for Harkness classes the next day, where 12 students sitting around the table actively discussing the prior night’s reading, translation or math/science problems. There is no place to hide in the back of the room, or slack off. Your class will know if you are not prepared.</p>

<p>She has played on wonderful sports teams, with positive coaches. </p>

<p>She was admitted to most of the same schools your child was, it really is a matter of fit, and she found hers at Exeter. The revisits were very important - she knew right away Exeter was the place for her.</p>

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<p>BAREERS,</p>

<p>Congratulations! Your daughter has great choices.</p>

<p>Thankfully, one of these choices won’t be selecting between cut-throat competition at Andover and a more nurturing environment elsewhere. </p>

<p>The truth is that PA does not have a cut-throat environment. In my experience, students compete more against their own expectations of academic success than each other. Education isn’t a zero sum game where one student’s gain is another student’s loss. A collaborative non sibi spirit is encouraged. And it’s practiced at PA through group quizzes, study groups, etc. </p>

<p>It’s true that PA wants its student to self-advocate because it believes that maturity results from self-reliance. Thus, for example, if a student is concerned about a grade, PA wants the student, not her parents, to talk to the teacher. However, the fact that PA encourages self-reliance does not mean that your daughter will be on her own if she attends PA. </p>

<p>On day one, your daughter will have a team of adults looking after her that will include her dorm counselors, her cluster dean, her teachers, and her academic advisor. And that’s just the beginning. There will be tutors and academic centers if she needs help with her studies, nurses and doctors if she gets the flu, and trainers and counselors if she needs physical or psychological therapy. In short, if she needs it, Andover has got it. </p>

<p>There’s no doubt that Andover is academically demanding. If your daughter attends PA or any top prep school, she will work harder than she has ever worked before. But she’s not going to be laboring in a Siberian salt mine at PA. She will have great teachers, great classes, and great friends. The occasional disappointments she will feel will be offset by the new opportunities she will have. </p>

<p>She’ll also have fun. For example on the weekend before finals, on campus activities at Andover included a coffee house, an ice cream social, and a choral concert on Friday night, a Casino Night and a Las Vegas Dance on Saturday night, and a Jazz concert and a Pep Rally on Sunday. And those are just some of the things that were scheduled.</p>

<p>Andover is many things to many different people. The good news is that being a cut-throat and uncaring environment isn’t one of them.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

15

<p>Thanks everyone for the replies and really positive outlooks too. We just finished our third revisit day (PEA, PAA, and Choate, with two more on tap). The schools all have great strengths and your collective advice to focus on fit seems really well founded. It’s so easy to fall into the never ending trap of ‘this one is too academic, or that one is just so artsy’; I now appreciate that, in our case, it’s the student who was more objective and looked at the strengths of each; as they applied to her. For us, it was almost too easy to fall into the comparison battles and begin to invent ‘warts’. The schools are just too amazing to go down that path.</p>

<p>We are grateful for your help, and having a kid who shared her wisdom.</p>

16

<p>any insight into berkshire school ma?</p>