<p>Not a child, but my adult son In my family, the parents of the male has always called the girl’s parents to congratulate them on their daughter’s engagement. We have never met the parents, although I an sure it will happen soon enough. We all live in the south, but the kids live 8 hours from us, and only 2.5 from her parents. I am thinking we will all go to the kids place at some point to met and have dinner; hopefully in the next few months.</p>
<p>While I do plan to call the parents the next day after the engagement, I am just curious what others do. I know my son is going to propose next weekend, and her parents are thinking of coming in for the evening. My thought was to call the parents the next day, but a very tiny part of me feels like I am calling to gloat that my son chose their daughter. I don’t really feel that way, but I just feel a bit odd making that call.</p>
<p>Any thoughts of what I can say to this couple I have never met or spoken to that sound sincere? We really like their daughter, so of course I will mention how happy we are to have her as part of our family. Because we are different religions, I have gotten the feeling that they may not be thrilled with my son, but know he makes their daughter happy. Because of this, I have in my head these people will not be my best friends; I sure hope my initial thoughts are wrong and that they are lovely people.</p>
<p>You are assuming she will say yes. And… assuming they are happy about it… which it sounds like there is some question about it.</p>
<p>I think it is a bit of an odd tradition myself. I personally would ask my son if we can figure out a way for us to meet the other couple, and allow them to arrange it. For me a face to face meeting seems less awkward than a phone call when they might still be getting used to the idea. I think congratulating them doesn’t sound like the best idea given that they might be lukewarm. And what if the daughter doesn’t tell them right away? You would hate to call in that circumstance! </p>
<p>Why not say how happy you are about the engagement, how lucky your son is to be engaged to such a wonder girl. As a parent of girls, it would make me very happy to know my D’s future in-laws are very happy about the marriage and are welcoming my D with open arms. </p>
<p>After my son’s proposal, my H and I chose to write emails to her parents though I (not my H) have met them once before the proposal. Thereafter with all the wedding planning, we communicated everything through emails, never once felt the need to speak to them on the phone. They never called us either.</p>
<p>My son has spoken to the parents and has received their blessing to ask their daughter to marry him. Believe me, she will say yes! She has been expecting this for a good while and I think she was upset when he didn’t ask last weekend when we were visiting. The ring was just finished today, so it couldn’t happen sooner.</p>
<p>I think the other family is fine with my son, maybe just a bit disappointed he/we are not Christian. I really might be off base here, but a few things my son has said, makes me think they are not over the moon. It really may not be an issue at all.</p>
<p>According to all the traditional manners, future groom’s family makes the first move to welcome future bride and family into the bigger family.
Still trying to fit the old customs to our real family. </p>
<p>I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but the words you chose in your first post did make it sound a bit like she’s lucky to have snagged him. That said, I think it’s a nice gesture. But I think I would ask the couple what they would prefer – call, email or wait until y’all can have dinner. Or at the very least give her notice of what you intend to do so she can give her parents a heads up.</p>
<p>I would make contact as soon as I know the young lady 's family has the news. As said…say how you are happy to be welcoming their daughter into your family. Then you can add that you are looking forward to meeting them. </p>
<p>I do not know if my son is his g/f’s family ideal mate. She already has PhD, my son is struggling. The religions are different. Race is different. I did visit them. No matter the slights, I will do everything I can to smooth the path. the kids truly love each other.</p>
<p>I think your plan is good. Just a phone call to say how happy you are, to let them know you are thinking of them and willing to help in any way you can.</p>
<p>Wow am I out of this loop. I guess I never heard of the phone call thing. I guess I am just not traditional or not raised that way? So, from an outsider with no preconceived ideas, would maybe dinner at a restaurant be an option near the other family?</p>
<p>I like the email suggestion. But I would wait a week or so to let the news settle all the way around. Telephone conversations with people you don’t know can sometimes be awkward.</p>
<p>“My thought was to call the parents the next day, but a very tiny part of me feels like I am calling to gloat that my son chose their daughter. I don’t really feel that way, but I just feel a bit odd making that call.”</p>
<p>I’m not sure I understand this problem. You’re afraid of gloating that your son chose their daughter? How is that a problem? Yes, it is standard for the groom’s parent to call the bride’s parents and tell them how thrilled they are that the bride accepted the so. So gloat away. What bride’s parents could object to your “gloating” that the groom wants to share his life with their beloved daughter? What am I missing here?</p>
<p>“Any thoughts of what I can say to this couple I have never met or spoken to that sound sincere? We really like their daughter, so of course I will mention how happy we are to have her as part of our family.”</p>
<p>You want to sound sincere? Then say what you truly think. You’re happy to have her in the family and you really like her. She makes your son happy. That’s all you have to say. </p>
<p>“Because we are different religions, I have gotten the feeling that they may not be thrilled with my son, but know he makes their daughter happy. Because of this, I have in my head these people will not be my best friends; I sure hope my initial thoughts are wrong and that they are lovely people.”</p>
<p>You have it in your head, you have gotten the feeling. Your initial thoughts. These are based on what? You’ve said you don’t know the people. Forget all the guesswork and suppositions. You’re courting problems by assuming facts not in evidence. These folks want their child to be happy just as you want yours to be. Go with facts only, don’t guess at problems that may not exist. If you react to imagined problems you can actually bring on issues that didn’t exist before. </p>
<p>D and future SIL were engaged earlier this year. Both sets of parents knew ahead of time. Future SIL did request our blessing - it was very sweet. D’s future MIL did call the morning after the engagement to tell us how much they love D and how excited they are to have D as their DIL. I, in turn, shared that their S is like a S to us and how much we love him and are so happy for them. I was very happy to receive her call. I think I would have sent a card/note, so this was very nice. We had met future SIL’s parents once before. They are very nice and raised a remarkable son.</p>
<p>“say how you are happy to be welcoming their daughter into your family. Then you can add that you are looking forward to meeting them.”</p>
<p>Agreed! If this is how you feel, I’m sure it will be sincere. What set of parents doesn’t love to hear compliments about their child? “You raised an angel, I couldn’t have hoped for anything better for my son” will surely be a welcome sentiment.</p>
<p>I am from the south and this is our custom. I called and said how thrilled we were and and how over-the-moon son was she accepted proposal. He proposed with his great grandmother’s ring and the bride’s parents seemed very aware how much that gesture meant to us. She is definitely as much a part of our family as possible. We arranged to meet as soon as possible. We really enjoy getting together with our DIL’s parents. They are absolutely the best in-laws I could wish for our son. We had a really fun weekend last month.</p>
<p>In our family, if the potential groom’s family doesn’t call in a week, the bride’s family goes ahead and makes the call and extends an invitation to meet. We aren’t sitting at home fuming about someone with different rules on this point of etiquette.</p>
<p>Another MOG here. I emailed FDIL’s mother and father (they’re divorced) to break the ice (we’ve never met and probably won’t til the wedding weekend). I complimented them on raising such a wonderful daughter, told them I was looking forward to meeting them, etc. It was a very short email. I got a nice response from her mother in a few hours and am still waiting for a response from her father 3 months later. The wedding is still over a year away, so we haven’t really communicated since, but planning will ramp up this fall so I’m sure I will at least be emailing her mother frequently.</p>
In my family, the parents of the male has always called the girl’s parents to congratulate them on their daughter’s engagement. We have never met the parents, although I an sure it will happen soon enough. We all live in the south, but the kids live 8 hours from us, and only 2.5 from her parents. I am thinking we will all go to the kids place at some point to met and have dinner; hopefully in the next few months.</p>
And… assuming they are happy about it… which it sounds like there is some question about it.</p>