<p>I hadn’t heard of this custom either, but I know my mom called to talk with all sets of in laws after engagements. I didn’t know it was a thing, just that my mom did it. </p>
<p>It sounds like a great idea and I am sure you can execute it well. </p>
<p>Relief! I’m glad to learn that the custom is for the groom’s parents to contact the bride’s parents because I’ve been feeling anxious that it was something that I, a MOB, was supposed to do, and probably several months ago at that. I’ll be perfectly happy to meet the groom’s parents at the rehearsal dinner, if it comes to that. I know that both sets of parents wish the engaged couple well, and I’m willing to assume that his parents love our daughter as much as we love their son. But I’m happy to know I haven’t been letting down my end as far as this is concerned.</p>
<p>I think it is a wonderful gesture to call the fiancee’s parents and tell them how happy you are to welcome their daughter into the family. The mixed religions are something the young couple will have to work out on their own. Even if the fiancee’s parents think the world of your son, they may be wondering about any changes in family traditions and how they will be included in the new couple’s lives and with possible grandchildren. This also can happen in families that are all the same religion as couples develop their own family traditions. The parents might be concerned that you might have the same feelings even if you love their daughter. They may not be familiar with your background.</p>
<p>Of course it isn’t appropriate for you to discuss that subject- it’s up to the young couple to decide what they will do, but the welcoming phone call to the family seems like a nice gesture to build a bridge between the two families. I hadn’t heard about this custom, but I will remember it (for the future) and consider doing it for a future bride or groom ( if the groom’s parents don’t do it).</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of this custom, so it’s possible it’s a regional thing. I wouldn’t call the next day but maybe after a week or so, to be sure that her family knows and has had the time to discuss it with her. I’d also keep it simple, e.g., how happy you are to welcome her into your family and how much you’re looking forward to meeting them. </p>
<p>Congratulations! </p>
<p>I always heard of it as the groom’s parents calling the bride’s (and that’s what my ILs did) but I wouldn’t stand on ceremony or wait around - I’d go ahead.</p>
<p>I understand if distance and cost precludes meeting them, but I dont get just waiting til the wedding to meet then. Why wouldn’t you want to meet them ahead of time? No one says you have to be BFFs but why not meet them for dinner? </p>
<p>I’m glad I only have girls, I’m not aware of this custom if I had boys.</p>
<p>I have heard of this custom. In D’s case, her fiance’s parents actually arranged to have lunch with us several months before the engagement (I think the handwriting was on the wall, it was just a question of when). If I hadn’t met my child’s future in laws before the engagement, I would make the call.</p>
<p>I think that you should do what you feel you should do. As the MOG I will tell you that things did NOT start well. And…it wasn’t our fault. (yeah us! said sardonically). This was pre engagement. We knew that there was an engagement coming when my son asked me to look for an ring. (I’m sure this is a surprise to no one…I shop pretty well). </p>
<p>I did cal her family to alert them…because it was on television. They, who NEVER watch TV and sports…tuned in and saw the beginning. Obviously one ormore of us filmed the whole thing…</p>
<p>With all due respect to Emily Post…do what you feel is right. </p>
<p>I met my son in laws family at the wedding reception, two weeks ago.
They are all very friendly & welcoming but live 2000 miles away.</p>
<p>They eloped and we didnt find out until afterwards.</p>
<p>I think it is a good thing to make gestures to each other to form some kind of bond. My in laws and parents were completely different from each other in terms of interests and how they grew up. They didn’t live near each other or socialize, but they sent holiday cards to each other, mutually acknowledged the grandchildren’s important milestones inquired about each other’s health as they entered their older years, and, sadly, some are deceased- they acknowledged that as well. </p>
<p>If not for our marriage, these two sets of people would likely have never met each other, but they each made attempts to reach out to the other. These are examples that are worth passing on to the next generation. To the OP, your reaching out to your in laws is the start of a relationship with them, and you are also setting an example for your son and daughter in law, as one day, they may be in laws too. </p>
<p>Bevhills, did I miss something? The proposal was on TV?</p>
<p>As they cut to a commercial break my son started the proposal. But no…this was not a reality show.</p>
<p>a sporting event?</p>
<p>It may just be me, but saying that she is joining YOUR family would be off-putting to me if I were the mother of the bride–especially if there were religious differences that were important to me. I also feel uncomfortable with the notion that the groom’s parents are <em>congratulating</em> the bride’s parents.</p>
<p>I would say that she is a wonderful girl, and you are so happy that she accepted your son’s proposal.</p>
<p>I know it is a traditional thing to do, but it has always struck me as a bit awkward. I mean, once you’ve said that, and something along the lines of “we are looking forward to meeting you,” what more do you say?</p>
<p>Just make sure you’re not stealing the bride’s thunder by telling the bride’s parents about the engagement before she’s had a chance to do it.</p>
<p>Well, they are each joining each other’s families, but I agree to be sensitive to how you say it. In another era, the bride was literally given away to the groom, but times are different. Happy she’s accepted the proposal works. </p>
<p>Bevhills, that must have been a surprise. Then there is also Facebook. I’ve found out about a few proposals on FB. It’s a good idea to be sure the parents of the bride know before it gets out in the media and the OP calls the parents. </p>
<p>I agree that they are joining <em>each other’s</em> families. :)</p>
<p>No it wasn’t a “surprise”. First of all there is security. The bells would have gone off it they were to search my son with a ring in his pockets. And then to arrange for the actual “asking”…with an announcer took a lot more planning. We were there. We ouldn’t be seen until “after” because…she would have known.</p>
<p>If not a surprise- then quite a proposal!</p>
<p>It wasn’t a surprise for all the parentals or siblings. We all were invited. FDil had no idea that something was up.</p>