<p>Well, I hope it was wonderful and that they are happy together!</p>
<p>What are you talking about, bev hills? Sure sounds like a reality show proposal. </p>
<p>Snowball-Congrats! As a MOG, I understand exactly what you are saying. I wasn’t sure what the custom was, but somehow thought as the parents of the groom that it was our responsibility to make a call. We waited quite a while (weeks?) to do so. The call was a bit awkward, honestly, as we tried to have an extended conversation. We will not meet our future in-laws until 2 days before the wedding. It just can’t be helped as we live ~3,000 miles apart. Unfortunately, because of the distance involved, we will probably see them rarely following the wedding.</p>
<p>I would try to keep your phone call brief and not try to do what DH and I did and try to “force” an extended conversation. :)</p>
<p>PizzaGirl…absolutely NOT a reality show. </p>
<p>They are very happy. And the wedding is coming up. If it were a reality show the cameras never would have cut away. And after there would have been separate interviews…not a television show.</p>
<p>This site is so educational! I’m mom of two boys. I was raised in the South and have not heard of this practice, I think it sounds lovely though and I will remember for when I’m in that position!</p>
<p>As the mother of the groom to be, we have know about the upcoming proposal for a good while. My mother had offered my son one of her diamonds from a pair of earring that she no longer wears; the other diamond is for my daughter. When we had the diamonds appraised and realized there were not as big or as good as my 84 year old mother seemed to think they were; we offered my son both of the diamonds so he could up grade to one nicer one. After hearing what he could get for the two and what a new one would cost, he decided to keep the better of the two stones and put his money into the band. He and the jeweler designed a ring in a way my son was sure his GF would like. They have been taking weddings for a while, and he had a pretty good idea what she would want in a ring; lets hope he got it right :)</p>
<p>He sent my mother, his sister and myself an email with pictures of the ring today as he went to pick it up. While not my personal taste, I can see where GF would like this ring. The jeweler was able to make the center stone look bigger than it actually is and there are stone down the shoulder of the band.</p>
<p>As the GF’s parents will most likely be visiting their daughter when the engagement happens, my plan is to definitely call over the weekend as I don’t want to intrude on their celebrate with the couple. That is of course unless they call me when with the kids, then I will talk to them. </p>
<p>Like one the above posters, I have gathered from what my son and his girlfriend have said that her parents are totally different than us. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing and I am sure we will all be pleasant and maybe become friend as we have common interest, our children and future grandchildren. While the kids have spend a good bit of time with us as we have had several family functions they have attended, my son hasn’t been with her parents as often. He is in residency and as many know, his time is not his own. His GF will go home for a day or two without him while he works. </p>
<p>We really like this girl and she is great for our son, although this past weekend I did notice her a bit withdrawn. We are a loud Jewish family and this was the first time we visited their home instead of them coming to us; she may not have been ecstatic about our suggestions on the household set up, although my son was the one to ask. I might have just read too much into the weekend; she might have just been tired after a long work week. I in no way am holding this against the GF, I have had bad days of my own!!</p>
<p>Anyway, we will call her parents on Saturday assuming we don’t speak Friday night after the big event. My son know to call his grandparents first thing and then he can call whoever he wants! </p>
<p>
Just a wild speculation: Is it possible she had spent a lot of time on cleaning their home before your visit so they were somewhat tired?</p>
<p>When the parents of DS’s roommate at college visited their son, their S and my S had to spend a lot of time to clean up their not-so-large dorm room!</p>
<p>She may have been nervous if this was the first time you visited them. She is bound to have some different ideas about how she wants her home to be, but I think as a new bride, she also would want your approval to some extent.</p>
<p>It’s up to the couple to decide on how to handle the religious differences, but I hope they have had some discussions about the topic. It looks to me as if this young couple each has loving, supportive, and accepting families. The bride’s family may be thrilled about your son, but they may not be as familiar with the holidays and customs as your future daughter in law is since she has spent time in your home. </p>
<p>There are many interfaith couples, and each has to work this issue out. I think, in general, how they work it out is similar to how they are going to work out other differences, and every couple has them. But even in the best of situations, there could still be a combination of extended family members feeling joy, fear for the unknown, and sadness, all at the same time. They might just have questions and not know how to ask. I don’t know where they are planning the wedding. If it is in a church, they may want to know how to make you feel welcome. If it is not in a church, then they may still be happy but also feel aprehensive about a wedding that is different than what they are used to. Your reaching out to them might be very meaningful to them. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>At this time, the wedding will be where our children live, so not in either parent’s home towns. While they haven’t talked “real wedding”, it is my understanding it will not be in a church and both families will be made to feel comfortable. This is not written in stone as the MOB has not had input yet and it is my understanding that the daughter likes to please her parents. I am going to stay out of the planning unless my opinion is wanted; that said, my son knows our wishes and he is on the same page. These two have discussed their future together not long after they started dating which was two years ago. I know they will figure out the religion aspect, and both are aware of the compromises each will have to make as they build their future together.</p>
<p>mcat20- if anyone cleaned the house before we came, it would have been my son as DIL to be is not domestic! While that is something my son can live with, he does comment on it from time to time; it is funny that my not neat son, became the one to tend to the home 
</p>
<p>My husband and I have talked about how each of us were raised and how we both tend to do things the way our parents did. From something as benign as which brand of cleanser- my mother used Comet, his Ajax, to how to load the dishwasher or hang laundry; we each want to do it the way our parents did, but ultimately it is done the way I want It was funny to see my son in their home saying things should be a certain way and the GF wanting it another way. This is only the beginning of how they will become one and I will enjoying watching them both growm </p>
<p>Well–follow thumpers advice–call them after you know for sure they know the news and just say how happy you are for your kids and how much you think your son made a great choice!</p>
<p>
As a MOG, I will say that unless you are asked to contribute financially for the wedding, you won’t have much say.I was only asked to have a seating plan for my own guests and that was it. My son mentioned a few of our wishes, but nothing was done, so I dropped it.
OP, I don’t know if you have a daughter, but acquiring a DIL is not the same as acquiring a new daughter.</p>
<p>When I mentioned our wishes above, I meant in terms of the religious aspect of the wedding. My son would never want to do anything that would make his grandparents uncomfortable. While he is fine with marrying someone outside of the Jewish faith, he is not willing to have his wedding held in a church, nor would he want it in a synagogue. Our children are over 30, so they have a better idea of what they want in a ceremony, unlike my husband and I when we were married at the young age of 22! While I know the bride and her mother will be the planners of the wedding, I feel confident that the bride will take in to account my son and his family. Ask me in a year and hopefully I will be able to tell you the wedding was beautiful and everyone got along well!</p>
<p>My cousin married a non Jewish girl and her parents, while they showed up at the wedding, left half way during the reception. The grooms parents paid for the wedding and while not a true Jewish wedding, the ceremony was preformed by a Cantor. I will not be that parent and will be there with a huge smile on my face wherever the ceremony is held and no matter who perform the ceremony. Hopefully by the time we get to grandchildren everyone will know more about the other family and understand that we aren’t trying to convert each other. I just want my son happy and it sure seems like he is,</p>
<p>Bevhils, I feel like you’re kind of being coy by dropping things that suggest it was a reality show proposal, and then mentioning it was on TV. What was it? Inquiring minds and all.</p>
<p>“I just want my son happy and it sure seems like he is”</p>
<p>Good for you, snowball. I think it will all work out.</p>
<p>I am not being “coy”…So here it is: We have lots of sports team in our area. Arrangements (and a charity donation) to have an announcer pull an unsuspecting couple out of the attendees and ask a few questions. Then someone handed my son a microphone and he proposed. What made it to air time was the very beginning of the proposal. The proposal was NOT supposed to on air…but a few seconds did make it to air. But her family was “hoping” and we sent the video to them instantly.</p>
<p>I don’t necessarily think theOP is all about the “custom” of who calls who. It just seems like common sense that one set of parents would want to get in touch with the other after hearing such happy news. Of course if there is a previous problem or estrangement, that is different. </p>
<p>Another thing I will never understand is how parents could not attend a wedding just because their child is marrying someone of the “wrong” religion. It is their CHILD’S choice; if he/she wants to negotiate the extra layers of marrying someone of a different religion, then why would you as a parent be upset? If YOU can’t imagine marrying someone out of your faith, that’s your prerogative. </p>
<p>Totally agree, surf city! We are believing, practicing Christians, and son is marrying a Jewish girl. I’m not sure how to spell it, but all I have to say is mazeltov! She’s a wonderful girl and they are happy together. I figure our job was to raise our son to the best of our ability, and leave the details to God. </p>
<p>Look this up from the Internet (This must be familiar to some of you!)</p>
<p>“The children are ours for a time before they are released like arrows from the archer. We try and aim them in the right direction but just as the archer has to release the arrow from the bow, parents must release their children in the proper time.”</p>