I put no pressure on my son. It’s been years that he goes to g/f’s house. She has a twin sister and a brother. Once I was invited there too. Last year they came to be for Hanukah/thanksgiving. Son has no siblings, and his closest friends were not going to be around this year.
I don’t feel less loved. He texted me pictures of Xmas and New Years. We always have reasons to text each other. Things will shift if they marry, and where they settle. I’m willing to fly to them. I think it is these in between years where it is harder to plan.
While my kids are in college, I do expect them to come home for the holidays. After graduation I can only hope that they return home. I am determined not to become the boundary stomping parent. I hear so many stories of parents insisting their kids schlep themselves and their little ones out on Christmas eve and Christmas. I refuse to do that. If and when my kids have kids, my future grand kids deserve to be at home to play with their toys, if that is what their parents decide. I may be crushed, but I will never let them know it.
I knew some grandparents who insist their children and grandchildren travel to their home otherwise they will be upset, even when the travel time could be as long as 15 hours one way.
My brother 1 lived in Asia for 15+ years and now in CA. My brother 2 has lived in CA since he got out of military. My sister moved to NC 20 years ago. I also lived abroad for 2 years. My parents always expected us to come home for xmas no matter where we were. Early on, we moaned and groaned about it, but we did it to please my parents. My brother from Asia only missed one xmas because they felt like doing something different, and they never heard the end of it, not just from my parents, but from all of us.
Now, we are really glad my parents pressured us to come home for over 30+ years. Our kids look forward to the get together because it is our tradition. Most of our kids are over 21 and they have their own life now, but no matter where they are and what they are doing, they fly back to NYC for xmas. My nephew is in the military stationed at NW, but he saves up his vacation days and buys cheapest ticket he could get so he could be “home” for xmas.
It is not easy to be home for holidays, especially when there is limited fund or vacation time, but for us it has been very much worth our while. We will continue our tradition with our own kids.