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<p>OMG, the same thing happend to me, but I was about 40 at the time! There was a big charity luncheon and some of us from the firm had bought our own tickets and the firm had bought a table, too. There were enough people for 2 full tables…plus one…and yes, for some reason, I was the one who got put at the table with “strangers”…I think for the same reason as your D - everyone knew I wouldn’t make a fuss. I ended up visiting with a very interesting guy.</p>
<p>Missypie,</p>
<p>I hope you went back to the office with a big smile on your face, saying “MY, I just made some wonderful new contacts today…”</p>
<p>I love it!</p>
<p>Just the group I need! I think that a lot of CC members would enjoy this group - it needs to be posted on the “vent here” thread 
for the CC people that need it to join!</p>
<p>This sounds eerily similar to an experience I had in HS. Tradition was for our group to host a dinner for our dates to the backwards dance at my cousins’ home. When my cousins found out who I was inviting, they said I couldn’t come if I brought him (he had kind of a bad-boy rep, not part of our usual social crowd). I called BS on it and said I’m coming anyway. What were they gonna do?</p>
<p>I ended up dating him for four years. :)</p>
<p>I say go out of your way to make dd’s dinner the BEST night ever. One her besties will be green with envy over!</p>
<p>If it really is on facebook I couldn’t find it.</p>
<p>Been there too. I soooo know what you mean. I think the others are right: good to vent here, but stay out of it (however hard that is, I know!). I also find I don’t help D by pointing this out to her-- it frustrates her, she doesn’t like me putting down her friends, or having me point out she’s being treated not so nice. She will figure it out, and meanwhile will interpret it and react in a way that seems to work for her, for now.</p>
<p>There is a reason why the mean girl movies are popular - there really are mean girls who manipulate and make other girls miserable. Hang in there - it IS so painful to watch.</p>
<p>I would always remind D of the saying, “What goes around comes around.” Now, as a college senior, she looks back at all the drama of HS (and w-a-y back to Middle School, which was even worse) and laughs at the drama of it all.</p>
<p>Is there any chance that her two “besties” were involved in dis-inviting her?</p>
<p>Indeed–HS can suck. I distinctly remember thinking at my last kids HS graduation, a year ago, “I am so glad to be done w/ the crap ( inequities, meanness, gossip, etc.)”.</p>
<p>I do not think you should/can tell your daughter what to do about her so called friends. But you can point out how true friends should act. At least this worked w/ my D. She realized her so-called bests were not acting that way.</p>
<p>I cannot tell a lie. I never could be really nice to kids who came over to the house after they had, in some way, mistreated one of my kids. I know, I’m bad and not acting the adult!</p>
<p>Clunking coconuts here! I could add a few stories myself, but I might get too long winded. It is a learning experience and it repeats itself again and again with new people in new situations. Adults do this as well. Haven’t you met people who have a “B” list for occasions such as weddings and bar mitzvahs, so that if the rsvps are too few, the “B” list get invites? Personally, I would not want a B list invite. Of course I am probably on the F list (below even D), but whatever…</p>
<p>Aibarr - hey, I totally just joined your cool group and am practicing my coconut cracking visualization skills.</p>
<p>Thanks,
Lisa</p>
<p>I’m with Youdon’t say, Make your own intimate gathering really special for your daughter and her date and any other friends that join you. Flowers with your school colors on the table, fun music, maybe little inexpensive party favors (school pom poms?). Take lots of photos that she can post on FB and have her heading for the dance thanking you for such a special dinner. </p>
<p>Hopefully she’s not a frosh who’s got to deal with these girls for the next 4 years.</p>
<p>TooRealistic, It’s clunking, not cracking. Of course if you clunk too hard, coconuts (and heads) do crack but I think the clunking sound is what we’re going for. I too couldn’t find it on facebook but it would be a hit!</p>
<p>OP, You’re a great Mom. I’m lucky to have a boy- I think he’ll just go wherever his girlfriend tells him to go and be happy.</p>
<p>kathie-assuming your S has a gf. Or your D has a bf.</p>
<p>I think I’ll buy two coconuts next time I am at the store. Technical question: Do you have to drill them to drain out the milk to get the right “PLONK” sound?</p>
<p>OP, I have felt your pain. My D had a nearly identical experience: Invited to go to the formal with the group, then dis-invited at the last moment (the evening of the day before) because there was “not enough room.” D was sobbing and of course, I was angry. Maybe I did the wrong thing, but I couldn’t help myself: I called the girl’s parents to tell them what their D had done. Unfortunately, mom was out of town, so I spoke to dad who stammered through the conversation. It didn’t change the arrangements, but the offending girl did end up writing a note of apology to my D the next week. She and D were never friends after that.</p>
<p>With two Ds, I felt I had witnessed so much “meanness” over the years, and that it would never stop if the mean girls weren’t called on it. I don’t know if it worked with that girl, but it made me feel better to do something.</p>
<p>Like many of you, I have a harder time letting go of past slights against my kids than the kids do. I think it’s the Mama Bear in us!</p>
<p>I have 2 kids, and they are very different from one another. Both great kids, good students and not inclined to get into trouble. But one pretty much blended into the woodwork, while I doubt there’s anyone in the other’s 400-person grade who doesn’t know her name. </p>
<p>The “quiet” one kept his heartaches to himself. He wasn’t a very social kid to begin with, and would have become the victim of bullying in 5th grade had a teacher not stepped in to stop it. The one heartache I knew about was when a friend had supposedly invited him the day before Halloween to go trick-or-treating (probably 8th or 9th grade). He scrambled at the last minute to get a costume together, then waited on Halloween evening for his friend to call with the details. And waited. And waited. He finally called the friend’s house, only to find out that the friend had already left to go trick-or-treating with the group, and apparently “forgot” to call him. He handled it well, at least in front of me, but I was devastated for him. The story does have a happy ending, though. By the end of h.s. he had a group of 4 boys he was close to, and when he went off to college he landed on a very social floor with some guys that pulled him right into what became a large, somewhat-organized co-ed group (the girls even co-ordinated pot-luck dinners!) He is LOVING his college and is now an officer in a fraternity. But I could still “clunk the coconut” of that kid on Halloween all those years ago.</p>
<p>D, on the other hand, seems to have life by the handle. She looks like she’s got it all - pretty, athletic, bright, well-liked by other students and teachers. She’s a class officer and a member of several leadership & service groups. She’s the girl all the other girls would love to hate, except that they want to be her friend at the same time. As a result, she’s got a lot of guy friends and a lot of girl frenemies. She’s been excluded from large events more than once, by hostesses who made up excuses for not inviting her but really just wanted to “put her in her place.” It backfired on them when other kids figured out what was going on and decided it made the hostesses look petty and jealous. D (who refused to host a Sweet 16 party when they were all the rage because she knew she would have to draw the line on invitations somewhere and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings) got over being excluded and moved on. I haven’t. Not that it didn’t hurt her when it happened, and believe me she cried, but she has moved on. I still grind my teeth when I see those kids.</p>
<p>My point is, every kid gets crapped on. The quiet kid with few friends, and the one who seems to have it all - they eventually all have episodes where people are mean to them. And I think we moms have a harder time handling it than the kids do! My kids have forgiven, but I haven’t forgotten!</p>
<p>One thing I have done in this type of situation is talk with my kid about why the other kid’s behavior was inappropriate, and then reassure here that I am THRILLED to have her as my D instead of the ill-mannered, rude little brat that crapped on her. It doesn’t take all the sting away, but I think it has helped a little bit sometimes.</p>
<p>If I were the mother of one of the two friends, they would not be going. It is beyond rude to disinvite someone. If there is not enough room and my kid was not invited, fine. It would hurt but life is not fair. But disinvitation is beyond the pale. </p>
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<p>Your daughter was invited to a beautiful party, attended but felt slighted because she sat a different table? </p>
<p>It was up to the military, but I am glad we ended up in a low income area. The kids in my sons school are generous and non-exclusive. I’m not trying to glamorize poverty but these kids are thankful and gracious when given nice things or have nice things done for them. Getting upset about a setting chart is just not in the budget.</p>