<p>My H went to Harvard , and I went to a state school . I have often felt somewhat inferior to him . I haven 't gone to the reunions . We have a great life ,and 4 wonderful kids . Our youngest just finished her freshman year at Harvard ,which is why I am thinking about it more these days . Anybody else married to someone from an elite school ,when they didn’t attend a similar school ?</p>
<p>Yes- it does seem as if the subject is substituting for investigating further into how to become more " fulfilled".
It’s like when someone believes " When I make 6 figures, or lose 20 lbs or get that job, then my life will fall into place. If you believe that not attending a particular school, is holding you back from your potential, then your focus is going to be looking backward, not on what you can & do accomplish.</p>
<p>I have never attended a 4 yr university although I have friends who have, even friends who have post-doc work from ivy league schools . I am not married to them, but while I recognize their areas of expertise, I also have my own areas of knowledge & in any case a friendship/marriage should not be a place where an academic C.V is required! ;)</p>
<p>I went to our state flagship, and my husband attended another large state university. It’s a non issue. My salary is a tiny fraction of his income, though. We both are happy with the education we received at our respective schools regardless of financial outcomes.</p>
<p>I feel the opposite. For undergrad I attended a well known LAC , and went to a big U for grad school, whereas DH went to a Big U for undergrad, and a local state U for grad school. His advanced degree is, theoretically “lesser” than mine, yet I look up to him, feel he is more learned (he really stays up on the cutting edge stuff in his field) etc. there are so many different reasons that people attend local, state, or private U’s I really have trouble relating it to any perception of superiority/inferiority.</p>
<p>I don’t normally pay a lot of attention to who a poster is, but fauxmaven, seems like everything you post has the word Harvard in it!</p>
<p>I have hired many people during my career and unless they are a new graduate their alma mater makes ZERO difference to me. In any kind of social/emotional relationship it wouldn’t even come up, except maybe during football season :-).</p>
<p>I think maybe there are other issues a lot more significant issues going on then just where your H went to school…possibly some family counseling might help? If he’s using that to claim some kind of power in your relationship…that just seems bizarre to me.</p>
<p>In the kindest possible way, I must ask you if you have considered therapy.</p>
<p>From your earliest post here, you manifested a very unusal preoccupation with concerns about how you would measure up to “Harvard people.” I remember being baffled that you were concerned about attending a local reception for incoming freshmen in your home town–that you and/or your daughter would be judged by other Harvard parents because you were…I’m not sure what. Your kid WENT to the chi-chi private school. Your husband went to Harvard himself. You have a college education. </p>
<p>What I cannot figure out is how you can be married to someone who went to Harvard and still harbor these popular culture misconceptions about Harvard students all being Thurston Howell III. Either your husband is a pompous gasbag (most Harvard grads are NOT) and all his friends from college are cut from that rather unusual cloth, or you are just not paying attention to the facts. </p>
<p>Just like your daughter is a regular person…people at Harvard, Harvard alumni, parents of Harvard students are regular people just like you.</p>
<p>And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, can I ask you a question that’s been killing me? Why do you put a space before, instead of after, each punctuation mark?</p>
<p>When my husband and I got married nearly thirty years ago, I felt as though he had a much better education than I did. He had graduated from what I lovingly refer to as “The Ulitmate Public School”: West Point, and I had had a great time at my state’s Land Grant University (and graduated). A few years later, we both earned our master’s degrees. My master’s helped me to learn where some of my strengths were and seemed to level the field. </p>
<p>After growing up in a small Midwest town and moving east to take my first job, my experiences were very limited compared to DH who had travelled the world as an Army brat and had gained a very fine education. It took me a few years to feel as though I was in the right place.</p>
<p>So, fauxmaven, I get it.</p>
<p>I completely agree with DeskPotato. I don’t know why Harvard intimidates you so. People who go to Harvard put their pants on one leg at a time just like you. </p>
<p>And anyway, it doesn’t matter. People aren’t superior or inferior people based on the school they go to.</p>
<p>Just have to LOL - “Thurston Howell III”!</p>
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<p>Was Lovie a Cliffie???</p>
<p>Whenever I feel inferior or intimidated by someone (which is very rare), I ask myself why. But I don’t think it’s ever had anything to do with their educational status. In fact, just in this past week, I’ve struggled with ‘separating’ from my personal trainer (who has no college education), but for some reason just could not muster the courage to do it; what it really boiled down to was, I couldn’t accept the fact that I was placing his feelings above my own, which is absolutely stupid!! (Glad to report, with the help of some friends who helped me sort it out and view it objectively, I was able to complete this task today!).</p>
<p>A couple of weekends ago we attended a reunion/retirement party in Madison for all the former grad students of H’s Ph.D. advisor. Most stayed in the field, but a few ventured off into other areas (law school, med school, etc.) and are incredibly accomplished. Mind you, this grad program already is steadily ranked in the top 10 in the country, so these are bright, accomplished people to begin with. Did I feel in the least bit inferior to any of them? NO! What I felt was happiness, that they all had continued to follow their passion (and if I hadn’t felt that happiness, then it would have been a reflection on me, that somehow I had not followed my own passion) no matter whether it was in this field, or they found another.</p>
<p>Lovey probably attended Wellesley
( as categorized by The Simpsons)
</p>
<p>People go to Harvard for a lot of reasons and not always because they are brilliant or hugely accomplished. I wish that going to Harvard meant that a person is irrefutably stupendous (son went there) but it emphatically does not. Some Harvard grads make their mark in life. Some . . . not so much.</p>
<p>My H did his entire undergraduate and graduate education at his state university. I went to an elite college. He has a PhD and was the top student in his PhD “class.” I have a BA and never had the courage to find out my class rank because it was so low. We’ve both done fine in life, and I don’t think he’s the least bit envious.</p>
<p>My boss went to a much lower ranked law school than I did. I haven’t noticed him cowering in fear when confronted with my superior intellect. This is a sad thread.</p>
<p>^^ROFL, MOfWC! This is a really sad thread, indeed.</p>
<p>DH went to an Ivy; I did not. when we were dating, I met a lot of his friends who had gone to the same Ivy he did and who were accomplishing remarkable things. I realized that I was as smart as they were and could accomplish some of the same things.</p>
<p>Knowing those people spurred me to do more that I thought I could. Because of them, I went to a Top 10 business school and got an MBA, with honors. They were great role models for me.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the heads up. I need to get home early to remind my husband-who-never-even-graduated-from-his-dinky-midwestern-state-school, what a looser he is.</p>
<p>My brother went to an ivy and he’s a class A jerk!</p>
<p>H is a West Point grad. I am a graduate of a decent university which is not well known outside of the midwest. It never occurred to me to feel inferior about this. I feel my school provided me with a good education. And I had a great time there,too!</p>