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<p>ROTL…this! And mine actually told my boys in one of his non-loser moments that the best thing they could do in life was marry a smart well educated woman.</p>
<p>I understand somewhat fauxmaven’s feelings. When I was younger I was shy and lacked self-confidence. I would hang back from a group, thinking “why would they want to hang out with ME?” It took me a long time to realize that it was all in my head - they were happy to socialize with me, and saw me as stand-offish for not joining in. A lot of times we attribute our feelings about ourselves to others, when the problem is within us.</p>
<p>^^ But it wasn’t because you didn’t go to Harvard, was it?</p>
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<p>And, not to put too fine a point on it, but fauxmaven isn’t “younger” any more. (Sorry 'bout that one, fauxmaven. If it’s any consolation, as I typed that, I was watching the computer monitor through my drug-store reading glasses.)</p>
<p>Spouse? Imagine what kind of inferiority issues could arise when the kids end up graduating from a school ranked higher than their parents’ undergrad institutions!</p>
<p>I have a family member who went to a good state university.She went on to get a teaching credential from an average state university and a masters from a decent private u. Her spouse went to an excellent state univ for undergrad and Stanford for graduate school. He played a number with her and to this day (10 plus) years after their divorce she still is in awe of people who went to Stanford. She never felt she measured up.
The rest of our family and all of our friends do not care where someone went to school. That is one thing I love about where I live. We have a UC in our town that is worldwide known as a party school. I know a large number of very successful people in my area who attended the so called party U. I have never been asked by anyone where I went to school. Not a big deal here.</p>
<p>Hey, I graduated from UC Davis - a state ag school where you go to get in touch with your inner cow. In two more years when D2 graduates I’ll be the only member of my immediate family who DIDN’T graduate from a fancy high-end school. But on the other hand, I won big on Jeopardy, and in my book that trumps the Ivy League any day.</p>
<p>I used to hang around some elite school graduates but I avoided them and luckily didn’t marry anyone of them. I knew one would be rich but trouble, sure enough he was on his third wife the last time I’ve heard. I married my husband who’s my equal, he gave me more confidence then had I married one of those boys.</p>
<p>H and I went to similarly ranked schools…however, I don’t think it would have mattered.</p>
<p>I consider successful parenting to be a much bigger achievement.</p>
<p>“Spouse? Imagine what kind of inferiority issues could arise when the kids end up graduating from a school ranked higher than their parents’ undergrad institutions!”</p>
<p>Do I have to compare how it was ranked then to now? Because I’m inferior to my son, then!</p>
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<p>If we have to compare how it was ranked then to now, I will be inferior to myself.</p>
<p>My father is one of those people who thinks that his Harvard degree makes him a superior being. My mother “only” went to Drexel and he lorded it over her for years. I mean, this was dinner table conversation when I was growing up. My dad is one of those people who is extremely intelligent but has no emotional intelligence. He graduated #2 or 3 in his Harvard class and the same in his Ivy League law school class, but his career was a disaster because he treats people badly and is incapable of making good decisions. </p>
<p>So, growing up, I had a deep prejudice against Harvard and assumed that all its graduates were arrogant SOBs like my dad. I was happy to attend Penn State and marry a SUNY grad. Now my daughter is going off to UPenn and we tease her that she thinks she’s better than us.</p>
<p>I used to feel the same way…back when I was a mediocre high school student. </p>
<p>However, after encountering hundreds of Ivy students/alums through high school friends, grad school, and work, I found most were pretty reasonable people. The few snobby exceptions I had fun with by shooting down their specious/weak arguments/showing them up in class or in social situations. Not too hard considering the snobby ones IME were trying to use the school’s name to shore up some serious academic/intellectual shortcomings. </p>
<p>I’ve also enjoyed imagining how much fun it would be to crash a fancy exclusive Ivy league party with some of my rambunctious fun loving friends and make off with all the food/desserts before the actual party guests arrived. </p>
<p>Then again…crashing a wedding reception at the Boston Ritz Carleton as an 18 year old sophomore with some Boston area friends I was visiting satisfied that urge…especially after having nearly an hour to feast on filet mignon and other goodies before they figured out we didn’t belong there despite us wearing college T-shirts and hole-ridden jeans(Not the fancy brand pre-ripped ones). Hey…I was young. :D</p>
<p>Wait, cobrat, which is it? Are most Ivy graduates “pretty reasonable people,” or are they the kind of Thurston Howell III snobs who have “fancy Ivy League parties” and would look askance at you and your “rambunctious” friends? Are you trying to combat the stereotype or perpeutate it?</p>
<p>Well Cobrat…if you had been in “dress up clothes”…those wedding folks would have thought you attended Harvard and would NEVER have batted an eye at your eating largess :)</p>
<p>Here’s what bothers me. We keep stressing on this forum that picking a college should be about FIT. We also stress what a great education you can receive at a LAC or even (gasp) a state university. Many CC families have chosen to turn down a more selective school for a better financial option in order to preserve funds for grad school or because the money simply wasn’t available. Others chose a less selective school for reasons such as a sport, a specialty field or even location. We collectively support these choices and recognize that there are MANY excellent school choices. We also recognize how increasingly difficult it is to gain admission to the highly selective schools and that, in many ways, it is almost like a lottery for the extremely qualified students.</p>
<p>So, here we have an adult inferring (in multiple threads) that one particular school (H) is so much the ultimate prize that she (the adult) feels inferior that she didn’t attend. I am really concerned about what this message sends to her kids and everyone else. It is just so wrong!</p>
<p>Anyone who has been around for 30 years or more certainly should realize that where one attended college is just one factor among many in his or her success in the workplace and as a person. My CEO is one of the most highly regarded executives in the country and is the most moral, level-headed person I have ever met. He went to LSU! </p>
<p>I wonder where the OP would draw the line. Should a UTexas Plan II grad feel inferior to the Dartmouth spouse? Is it only Harvard that demands that anyone educated elsewhere lower his or her eyes? Do tell.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m wrong, but I think the OP didn’t mean for his/her question to be taken at face value. Personally, I can’t really imagine feeling inferior to someone to whom one is married based on the fact that he/she went to a “better” college??? There are skills my husband has that are superior to mine. There are skills I have that are superior to his. That’s life and it all works out.</p>
<p>Well said, MoWC.</p>
<p>To be fair, I think there are a lot of people with both a rational understanding that there’s more to life than the Ivy League, and a visceral insecurity around people they think are (or will be seen by others as) smarter, richer or in some other way better than they are themselves. In addition, to be fair, I should probably acknowledge the likelihood that both of these phenomena are at work in the post of cobrat’s above that I took exception to.</p>
<p>But the essential task is not to let the visceral insecurity trump the rational understanding. If fauxmaven is having trouble with that, after 25 years of marriage to a Harvard graduate, then maybe some counseling really would help her. And when I objected to cobrat’s post above, I suppose I was bothered because she or he seemed to attach equal validity to the rational understanding and the visceral insecurity.</p>
<p>*Here’s what bothers me. We keep stressing on this forum that picking a college should be about FIT. We also stress what a great education you can receive at a LAC or even (gasp) a state university. Many CC families have chosen to turn down a more selective school for a better financial option in order to preserve funds for grad school or because the money simply wasn’t available. Others chose a less selective school for reasons such as a sport, a specialty field or even location. We collectively support these choices and recognize that there are MANY excellent school choices. We also recognize how increasingly difficult it is to gain admission to the highly selective schools and that, in many ways, it is almost like a lottery for the extremely qualified students.</p>
<p>So, here we have an adult inferring (in multiple threads) that one particular school (H) is so much the ultimate prize that she (the adult) feels inferior that she didn’t attend. I am really concerned about what this message sends to her kids and everyone else. It is just so wrong!*</p>
<p>MOWC…but don’t you think here on CC people fall into a few different groups…</p>
<p>there are the ones who care about fit or value and can find that at a LAC or a state school or wherever…</p>
<p>and then there’s the ones who think elite is the only way to go. There are kids and parents on CC that will only consider top 20 national schools period. They apply to every one…regardless of fit or culture. These people obsess whether the new rankings will have Harvard on top or Princeton. They stress whether Cornell will rise or fall. They are convinced that they will be around total idiots if they venture below that 20 mark. And, they believe that they would be somehow “soiled” to go to college amongst the masses.</p>
<p>As you’ve noted, you’re impressed by the LSU grad that you work with. That’s why I think it’s odd when people will take out huge loans to go to Pricey U, when they will likely find future colleagues doing just as well - debt free - after attending somewhere else. Of course, if you can go to Pricey U without the big debt, then super!!! But, who wants to be struggling each month with big loan payments while colleagues from “lesser schools” have discretionary money to save, invest, travel, etc.</p>
<p>I’m a little uncomfortable with the criticism of the OP.</p>
<p>Everyone has their insecurities.</p>
<p>I was never that in awe of Harvard but I was very freaked when our first one started high school at an expensive private on scholarship. I never did feel comfortable among the parents or faculty or administrators at that school. It never made sense. It’s just how I felt.</p>
<p>Sometimes subtle things trigger insecurity.</p>