Son is at a sporty top 50 US News public university he always dreamed of attending. He got there because my husband and I rode him hard, lots of outside help, and we hoped he would become polished and it would internalize. Sadly, he’s the same slacker now as he was at age 14 or 15. His GPA is low 2.0. He had a good summer job, which my husband got him, but his physical appearance was sloppy - facial hair, disheveled business casual clothes - and after work he’d just come home with fast food and play video games. He has plenty of friends at college, so it’s not a depression or isolated thing. He seems to have no competitive spirit, no care for academics, learning, or thought out long-term goals.
He was eager to go back and promised this year would be different. Six weeks in when asked what he’s doing he’ll tell us studying in library. We have Find My iPhone on all devices and he’s never in a library. Says he got a tutor for class, can not provide proof. Same lies we caught him in all last year - we never disclose we know the truth. He’s in no clubs. His chat is logged onto the family iPad and we do not read his chats, but incoming popups all seem to revolve around fantasy football, video games and the next party.
He loves the freedom of being away at college - because at this point it’s a responsibility-free spring break. I feel embarrassed for him because he’s around very ambitious peers - who can handle social goofing off while also maintaining strong GPA and campus involvement - but he’s clearly years behind them from a maturity and academic standpoint.
When do we pull the plug or is it all on the university to kick him out for poor performance? Or should we just hope he can eke out a bachelor’s with a 2.0 GPA?
While i would continue to pay his tuition and room and board I would no longer provide him with spending money, if that is what you are ding. Also it is time he learned how to find a summer job next year on his own.
How is college financed? Does he receive substantial grants and scholarships? Is it mostly student loans in his name? Is it mostly student loans in the parents’ names? Are the parents paying cash for all/most of the full ride?
If it’s a situation where it’s not costing him or you much money, I’d let him remain in school until the university kicks him out. If it is a situation where he is incurring significant loan balances, I’d tell him this is the final year where he can produce a GPA that low before you pull the plug. If the parents are on the hook (either cash or loans,) I’d lay down the law hard and in no uncertain terms: Get it together now (and parents will help with the plan of how to get it together) or make plans to stop attending college at the end of this semester, get a job, and move into your own apartment.
Whatever the option, it sounds like he needs a little more guidance/interference from his parents. Some kids simply mature later than other kids. No big deal, necessarily. But it does mean he may require more frequent “correcting” about some life issues. More frequent direct communication with mom and dad about not staying up too late, about doing homework/studying before going out for the evening, about not drinking so much every other night that half the next day is spent recovering.
That’s my take, but my first child won’t start college until '20, so what do I really know?
This is entirely up to you parents. Some parents write the checks as long as kid is not in trouble and not kicked out. Too many words plsces kid could be, including home, causing stress to family.
Others hold a harder line. If kid doesn’t toe it, no more money.
So it’s up to you. There are benefits and drawbacks to every decision you make on this
He’s a sophomore. We are paying (529) and we also pay for housing, cell phone, insurance. He saved up several thousand dollars from summer, so he pays for all food and extras so far this school year.
IMO, it’s sink or swim time for your son. I would have a sit down with him and tell him what your GPA cut off is for continuing to pay for college. The bar for that is what you are comfortable with. Could be not going on academic probation, or starting to improve that GPA. Whatever you think feels right.
I would also tell him that his summer job is 100% on him, and that you wont support him living at home rent free without one.
Lastly, I would be crystal clear that after graduation, you will not be supporting him so he needs to start working on self sufficiency now.
@EconPop “I’d tell him this is the final year where he can produce a GPA that low before you pull the plug. If the parents are on the hook (either cash or loans,) I’d lay down the law hard and in no uncertain terms: Get it together now…”
What does that mean? How do we assess what GPA is possible or realistic? Of course it needs to be higher, how much higher? That said, even if we told him, I believe he’s proven he lacks the passion and foresight to modify behavior and make the sacrifices needed to move the needle. We thought it would click by now - nothing seems to click. It’s like talking to a stubborn, overconfident brick.
You have to make the tough call about whether/when to pull the plug. Based on what you’ve said, I’d be inclined to hit the pause button at the end of this semester, keep the money in the 529, and see if the kid gets his act together once deprived of the plush undergrad lifestyle. Certainly pull the plug at the end of the spring semester if things haven’t changed.
I told my kid that he’d violated the conditions of the parental full ride scholarship, and therefore was going to do down a different path (work, community college, trade school, military, living at home again, not living at home and having to pay bills, etc.). in order to get the parental full ride reinstated.
It eventually took six winding path years to complete the degree. The tough love and other measures we tried worked OK, but not great. No decision you make is guaranteed to work.
But I felt that continuing to finance the college party wasn’t in my kid’s best long term interest. A 2.0 GPA from a good but not great school isn’t going to do much for your kid’s life. Especially if he hasn’t matured or learned anything while attending school.
@momofsenior1 “I would also tell him that his summer job is 100% on him…”
I should note he had secured his own “summer job” - it was just returning to the same high school part-time gig he had his senior year. In other words, he put forth zero effort into applying anywhere, crafting a resume, LinkedIn, career fair, interviewing, et cetera. That’s when my husband stepped in and helped get him a more professional summer job with family friend.
“What does that mean? How do we assess what GPA is possible or realistic? Of course it needs to be higher, how much higher?”
Your kid is going to have trouble in the future job market even if he eventually graduates with a 3.0. These days, a college GPA of 2.0 is (in the eyes of employers) basically flunking out. Doesn’t matter if the school is a top 50 or a top 500. Especially if the classes aren’t in a rigorous major.
If your kid posts another 2.0 this semester, pull the plug. When in a hole, first thing to do is stop digging.
I can’t decide what GPA is the right point for you. It is whatever you and his other parent are satisfied with. That might be 2.0, it might be 2.4, it might be 2.8. Or like others have said here, the line in the sand might be that once the university kicks him out.
If he improves, great.
However you need to start preparing now for what the plan will be if he continues to be a “stubborn, overconfident brick” and flunks out. Will you allow him to move home? What will the house rules be? Will he be allowed to come in at 4am and sleep till 1pm? Will he be given a deadline to get a job and/or move out into his own apartment? If so, will that deadline be 3 months, 5 months, 3 years? Will you allow him to spend his 529 money on supporting himself after he drops out of college, or will you hold onto it for him to use if he ever decides to return to college? If he moves out, will you insist that he become fully self-sufficient or will you agree to pay his cell phone bill, health insurance, etc?
All of these topics need to be considered and presented to him. And they need to be presented not as some esoteric possible alternate reality, but as a concrete reality should he not improve academically.
Again, this would be my approach with my son. Every parent can have their own approach. Very many approaches will be right for different families. And many approaches that might be fine for some families will be rejected by other families.
Keeping a GPA just at or barely over 2.0 seems to be doing the minimum to avoid being academically dismissed at most colleges. So he may be doing just the minimum to progress to graduation.
However, many employers recruiting new graduates will use a 3.0 GPA as part of the initial screening when deciding which applicants to bring in for interviews. But if he can get jobs through connections (like your husband and family friend), that may not be as much of an impediment as it is for others.
In terms of whether you set higher standards for continued financial support, did you set any expectations in that area before he went to college? If you do withdraw financial support, what would your expectations of him be in that case?
At my freshman’s orientation welcome, the college president flat out said students need a 3.0+ to be successful in the job market. Your son has time to turn this around but he’s going to need to pull things together very soon.
You need to make natural consequences if he doesn’t step it up, and that isn’t coming home and getting to freeload.
Personally if he were my child I’d continue to put him through college as long as he’s academically eligible. There are still plenty of jobs to be had with just a college degree. Will he be limited due to a low GPA - yes but that’s the life he’s making for himself. I look at the positives:
-no apparent self-destructive behavior
-kept a job all summer and saved 1000s of dollars
@northwesty What was the final straw for your son or daughter? Was s/he actually kicked out of their university for poor academics or entirely parents’ decision? Did they return to same university to complete degree or less prestigious school close to home? Was there activity in-between former college - two year gap? - and finishing bachelor’s at new college?