<p>I thnk this goes under smile and nod. Be a good listener…and that’s it.</p>
<p>There are many people who are weight obsessed. My 95 year old FIL is constantly commenting on the weight of people on the street or TV or family. My 100# mother is always telling me about the low calorie item she found, “Oh, goodies, 8 cookies for 130 calories)” I know at that size she had to careful when young, 5# makes a bigger difference when you are small, but it comes across oddly at her age & size. My niece whose Mom keeps telling her that her “butt is too big” when she is 8 month pregnant. Mom is scared DD won’t lose the baby weight.</p>
<p>Apparently our culture, for at least the last 100 years, is ingraining people with a need to be skinny, at cross purposes to our culture’s super size people of Wal-Mart lifestyle.</p>
<p>Some people are honestly bigger than others, I am kindly referred to as athletic, I will never ever be slim or slender or tiny, but I can be fit & toned & in shape. Just because the circumference of my wrist or ankle, or even thigh, will always be larger than my daily walking buddy doesn’t mean we aren’t both in good shape for our base line body. I know people who eat like they have a hollow leg and stay trim others diet carefully and barely lose weight. </p>
<p>There is a difference between wanting to be what you can never be and wanting to be your best self. There is a difference between getting in shape and fit for yourself and being nagged by others to lose weight.</p>
<p>It is difficult to judge whether your fDIL has a problem or just needs to vent. Weddings and stress, some people lose weight in stress, some people gain weight under stress, her important thing to do is to accept what her best possible in shape body is and not aim for anything skinnier than that.</p>
<p>It is definitely more pressured in Southern California, been there, done that and don’t miss it. When you are surrounded daily by people obsessing about their experience, it’s a bit contagious & can skew one’s idea of what is good and what is healthy.</p>
<p>Number 1: I am NOT naturally thin…I wear a 12. I do have “good skin”<br>
She is not “bad mouthing” her parents. She is going to be part of my family. And I would like to think that she isn’t going into a a cloistered family Facts are what they are…remember that I said that here men are twice as likely to divorce when the wife gets sick. I want friends and family to share…good and bad.</p>
<p>She isn’t looking for "sympathy. Wow…just wow. Some reactions are just so special that I am underwhelmed</p>
<p>FDIL’s parents have accepted that you are paying for wedding, yet have Huge list of invitees. I hope they plan on paying for their families’ excursions. </p>
<p>Your son is less obsessed with weight. He loves his fiancé. I do understand.My son loves his g/f. she has gained some weight, and it makes no difference to him. He values brain and compassion, which she has in spades. Your son is similar. BevHills, you are just trying to be supportive. cheers to you.</p>
<p>FDIL’s parents have accepted that you are paying for wedding, yet have Huge list of invitees. I hope they plan on paying for their families’ excursions. </p>
<p>Your son is less obsessed with weight. He loves his fiancé. I do understand.My son loves his g/f. she has gained some weight, and it makes no difference to him. she is still beautiful. He values brain and compassion, which she has in spades. Your son is similar. BevHills, you are just trying to be supportive. cheers to you.</p>
<p>Yes. It’s where you live. The whole US is not as weight obsessed as some pockets. There are normal people outside of where you live and the circles you travel.</p>
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<p>I had forgotten about your in-laws. <em>shudder</em> But here is what I am going to say. My parents and my (now former, but we were married for 23 years) in-laws did not like each other and did not get along AT ALL. It made our lives very difficult. Nothing you can do will change your future in-laws. Causing a ruckus of any kind (with your son, with your DIL, or with them) will be of no benefit in the long run. Remember that you will be “time-sharing” with your in-laws for time with the couple and your grandchildren someday. If you have a rocky relationship with them, or if you cause your son to have one, everyone suffers in the long run. I figure that these in-laws have been saying similar things to DIL for years in one form or another. And she has turned out okay, apparently. She isn’t a little child, she can make her own decisions about what is acceptable treatment from her parents or anyone else.</p>
<p>You can assure her that you think your son’s love is true no matter what as best you can tell (although no one, not even a mom, truly knows the heart of another). You can tell her that she should do what is best for her health and to ignore superficial pressures. But I think you should NOT tell your son or say anything to the parents.</p>
<p>Parents can say some strange things to their children, especially during an engagement and wedding planning. I knew some parents who begged their D to be on her best behavior with fiancé and his family so they wouldn’t call the wedding off. Fortunately, she has now been happily married for over two decades, so things can work out and sometimes, just supporting those with frayed nerves is just the right tonic. Definitely don’t say things that could stir things up. </p>