<p>I addressed and issue with an elementary school principal about an issue in 5th grade that did not involve my student’s teacher, but a “specials” teacher that addressed the class on what I considered to be very inappropriate content. She discussed with the class the “murder” of the Olympic Rings controller that was reported by the Dailey Current that was a satire about the incident, but this teacher believed the report and basically told the children how sad it was that someone was murdered for a mistake. I had two issues: first it was not true, second, why in the world would you discuss a murder with 5th graders? (am I the sensitive one here??) Not only did she address my child’s class, it was a “combined” special (think art, gym, library, music) that involved 40 children.</p>
<p>I emailed the principal in regard to my concerns and she addressed my email by doing what anyone would do by saying she was sorry my child felt uncomfortable and that she would investigate the issue. I then got another email from the principal that was not meant for me (obviously sent to me by mistake since it was not addressed to me, but to the teacher in question) that said I was having an issue with what was said and attached to it was my email. Her email was brief, just “let’s discuss” and do not contact the parent (me). </p>
<p>My problem is the principal had and opportunity to discuss this with an open ended question to the teacher like, “can you tell me the context of your conversation with Mrs. XX class and Mrs. XX class last week regarding the man that operated the Olympic Rings?” Instead she has exposed my email, and therefore my child. I know when ever you send an email to school you run the risk of it being a public document, but I honestly felt in this situation, there was no reason to expose the child in question and certainly no reason to share my email to the teacher in question unless disciplinary action was taken and it was needed for her file.</p>
<p>I would really like some honest feedback on this situation. 1. Was the content of the conversation ok for 5th graders? 2. Should the principal have sent my email to the teacher?</p>
<p>In closing, I sent the email back to the Principal and basically said I was not happy that she was forwarding my email to the teacher in question. I have to assume that in reality, the email has never gotten to that teacher because it came to me. So after I called the Principal out on it, I would hope she would take another course of action.</p>
<p>My experience with elementary school principals is that they protect their teachers at all costs and do not maintain confidentiality at all. I had an issue when my daughter was in fourth grade which I spoke to the principal about (did not address the teacher first since it was not something under the teacher’s control.) No sooner was I out of the principal’s office then she had the teacher in her office and told her everything I had said. The teacher then took me to task over the whole thing (very ugly scene with my daughter present in the room at the time.) </p>
<p>This is what I am suspecting. The tone of her email to the teacher (that was sent to me) was very friendly, addressed by the teacher’s first name and “let’s chat about this” tone.</p>
<p>I have had a couple issues like that - one was to keep my kid out of same class as his best friend. Liked the kid but it was a huge distraction for my kid for many reasons. Principal shared my request with kid’s parent. Problem. Mom wouldn’t let our kids be friends anymore. I raised holy hell, but was told it was a “mistake”. You bet it was. </p>
<p>Since then, very careful about contacting school administration. Had to do it another time, and then went badly, too. </p>
<p>Why does it have to be that way? In 18 years of having kids in school I have only addressed the school two time? Why does it have to go so badly?</p>
<p>I would say they are cluless, but I think kt is self preservation on their part. Keeping the status quo. </p>
<p>Sometimes there are valid points made. And yet, the principal will almost never side with you if you are a parent. I have too many anecdotes to count on that score, having worked in schools for many years. They might listen to you, but don’t expect the result you want, generally. </p>
<p>Much depends on the principal. Have had some that I was on great terms with, who really valued parents and was able to keep kids first and counsel teachers, maintaining kids’ anonymity with others happy to throw kid and family under the bus. It is not right, but it is what it is, sadly. </p>
<p>I think your concerns are valid. I think I might have considered going directly to the teacher first to see what her reasoning was in presenting this story to the children. Then if I was still not satisfied, I would have gone to the principal and perhaps even let her know that I was going to discuss it with him. </p>
<p>Dealing with teacher issues is difficult and usually the parent ends up being the proverbial “bubble in a briar patch.” But I do think I would rather be perceived as a parent who has their eye on these things rather than a “pushover parent.” You have every right to voice your concerns over ANYTHING that involves your child.</p>
<p>“The tone of her email to the teacher (that was sent to me) was very friendly, addressed by the teacher’s first name and “let’s chat about this” tone”
If you supervise the same 40employees for years, wouldn’t you address them by their first name? </p>
<p>“Let’s chat about this” means move the discussion private. All email is public record, so if Principal Pat sends Teacher Terry an email about student Zoe and Terry’s reply mentions student Zane, both these emails are part of the records that Zoe and Zane’s parents can request for years to come. </p>
<p>I agree with HarvestMoon that, if at all feasible, the first talk should be with the teacher. I had a couple of such instances in D’s elementary years and it had to go no further.
I did have such a problem in High School. The APUSH teacher had been at the school forever, but he was quite ill and missed class often. A couple of weeks before the AP exam, he had not even discussed the essay/dbq part of the test, much less given the students practice, and it was definitely a weak area for D. I decided to talk to the VP for Academics, since I felt really awkward approaching the teacher, and felt that the solution would involve getting another teacher (or the VP himself) involved. I hoped the VP would look into the situation and come to some conclusion and solution himself. But the next day, the teacher shared a plan for the students to practice the essays. D was convinced he was looking at her! Unfortunately, nothing ever came of the plan.</p>
<p>I am not familiar with that story (the satire/murder) but if it is as you told it, then that teacher is a real idiot and the principal behaved similarly. That is one of my pet peeves, btw, people repeating something they have read on the internet without doing the slightest bit of fact checking or even exercising a tiny bit of healthy skepticism. If anything, the principal should use it as a teaching moment, as in why you shouldn’t just pass on (or “share”) every stupid thing you read without verifying it first. </p>
<p>Normally I would go to the teacher, but honestly because this was a “specials” teacher, and new to the school, I have actually never met her before. So that is why I did what I did.</p>
<p>@NJres, I think you are right on target, but teaching moment or not, I don’t believe the murder of anyone, (with possibly the exception being an assassination of a major public figure) should be a discussion subject for 10 and 11 year olds.</p>
<p>I don’t think the principal was out of line to forward the email or address the teacher by first name – they are coworkers, do you think the principal calls the teacher “Mrs. Smith” when the kids aren’t around? How is the principal supposed to discuss your concerns with the teacher without sharing them with her? It seems to me that couching your concerns in the principal’s own terms has more room for miscommunication than directly forwarding your email. I am thinking about this type of situation in a “non-school” environment, and I think many bosses would do the same – forward the complaint with a “let’s discuss” note.</p>
<p>Our school has a pretty strict policy that you approach an issue with the teacher first, then take it up the ladder if you aren’t happy. Now… that doesn’t mean you will get what you want (far from it sometimes). But you can’t really expect that your complaint wouldn’t be shared with the teacher, IMHO. Just not realistic. Just because you hadn’t met the teacher isn’t really an excuse. It is somewhat uncomfortable that your first encounter would be over something negative, but that doesn’t mean you should go to her boss without engaging her first.</p>
<p>You seem frustrated that the principal’s dander isn’t as high as yours is regarding this issue. I have to say, while I think it isn’t the best judgment on the teacher’s side, I don’t think she put the little snowflakes in jeopardy in any way with what she did. I suspect principals spend a LOT of time dealing with parents who overreact, and this sort of sounds that way to me.</p>
<p>When D was in 4th grade, one of her teachers chose to discuss in class the shocking, shooting murder of a woman at the local shopping center at her workplace by a former BF or H. She then asked each student whether each was subject to violence from loved ones and what they did or should do in such circumstances. I felt it was highly inappropriate, as did D, but I didn’t bring it up with the teacher nor the principal. </p>
<p>Maybe it was an overreaction on my part, but honestly I guess I will continue to over react because I just simply don’t see the appropriatenass of telling a group of 10 and 11 year olds about the murder of a man. My daughter knew he was stabbed, knew it was because he had made this mistake and knew that the Russian government was calling it a suicide, but the teacher was confident it was a murder (her opinion of course). I did get a lengthly letter from the principal last night. What some posters here don’t seem to realize is that kids are just as exposed to bias from teachers as some of as you are in the work place. I don’t see telling a teacher what child/parent combo had an issue with content in anyway helps make this a “teaching moment.” My child is the one that should be learning, healthy relevant lessons. And if my opposition to that is an over reaction, than so be it. We are so quick to criticize parents of violent children that they didn’t “filter” their children’s content enough, yet we are willing to let it slide because it happened inside the school walls. Sorry, I’m not buying what you are selling.</p>
<p>So… home school. That is what a lot of parents do who think the messages their kids are getting are inappropriate. I think this is a huge overreaction to start with, and then getting bent out of shape because the principal shared your email with the person it was about (when you did not take the step of speaking to that person to begin with) is silly. I hope your kid and the others in the class are resilient enough that one comment about something that turned out to not even be true doesn’t derail them in life.</p>
<p>@intparent I have had eight kids go through this school. This is my first academic call out EVER. I don’t consider myself to be an over reaching parent, and based on my “track record” I don’t know of anyone personally who would say that either. You don’t know me. You don’t know my kids level of distress when she came home. You also have no idea the “smallness” of our community, the backlash people get across all schools (middle then HS-which we only have one) and how something like this really should be handled in a confidential way. I get you don’t see my point, just understand I don’t understand yours at all either. And for the record the kids don’t know it was not true. It was told to them as if it were the truth and nothing has been done to correct that, except in our home.</p>
<p>Similar experience. My son had an abusive teacher yelling, bullying, etc. my husband and I went to the principal after our son had a ruptured ear drum. He told us the teacher would yell in his ear and call him stupid. Principal totally defended her even after we presented graded papers where she made remarks like “you can’t be this stupid” and “babies can do this”. He still did nothing until we left. In the meeting I asked if he had a problem with me observing the class, he said no. I chose to observe from the hall where I saw her treat the kids the way my son said she talked. This, by the way, was the gifted class, so they weren’t stupid as she called them. She bellowed until she saw me in the hall, then went and slammed the door. I went directly to the principal and he agreed to move my child to another class. She was fired 4 months later at the end of the year but not a minute before. The other parents didn’t want their kids moved out of the gifted class. Until we left that school, the principal always defended that and every teacher he had at that school. One teacher I was good friends with told me that he would never let a parent dictate a teacher change for fear complaints would multiply. Hmmm, guess the kids could just learn as 4th graders that life is not always air. This was at one of the highest ranked school districts in the country. I firmly believe that if you comp,win, be sure for disappointment. Common sense does not always rule in our schools.</p>