<p>OP - you only got your 5th grader’s side of the story and went straight to the principal about it. How do you know your child didn’t misunderstand or miscommunicate the situation to you? If this is still bothering you I think you should start by asking the teacher what she was trying to accomplish by discussing that story in class.</p>
<p>8 ball, ignore the negativity. You know your child best and I’m sure not over reacting since this isn’t your first child. And yes, then the teachers share the info, " yes, Johnny’s mom is a complainer, she complained against ms. So&so. " but, in your heart you know you are doing what is best. If it puts the teacher on guard, so be it. What the principal fails to realize, is these instances diminish support for teacher’s as a whole. I have friends who teach and are wonderful, and believe me they want the principal to step in just as much as the parents. It hurts them all in the long run.</p>
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<p>When I presented my email to the principal I was very careful to layout that it was indeed my child’s side and that is all the information I had. I expected the principal to ask HER teacher what she was trying to accomplish by that lesson. Frankly, it is not my place to manage the teacher, just my child.</p>
<p>Whenever I thought a situation could be addressed with a teacher, I always tried that first. I would only go to the administration if I knew I could remove my kid from that teacher’s class. Would I ever trust my communication with anyone in school to be kept confidential? No.</p>
<p>D1 had an history teacher in 9th grade who was dismissive of girls in the class - at least according to D1. She felt her view wasn’t taken seriously, whereas boys’ views were given more weight. Instead going to the head master, I met with the teacher directly. After our meeting, the situation improved greatly and D1 had a good year in class. </p>
<p>D1 had a female English teacher in 9th grade. She used to like to tell kid’s fortunes. In doing so she was labeling some of those kids. She was also overly friendly with some students and not spend much time teaching. When I found out she was going to be D1’s teacher again in 10th grade, I went to the dean to voice my concerns. At that time, I had to tell the dean what happened in the classroom. D1 was transferred out, and the teacher was fired before the school started for inappropriate relationship with students under 18.</p>
<p>I don’t think it was inappropriate for the principal to forward the email to the teacher. He needed to let the teacher know what he wanted to discuss.</p>
<p>I think there is a lot of territory between between resolving this situation and telling OP to “home school”. I have a son who is currently in 9th grade. Twice this year I have gotten e-mails from teachers advising that they were showing a movie or having conversations about controversial topics. They presented the option of the child taking a “resource period” if the child or parent felt the subject matter was not appropriate for the child at that time. So yes, teachers SHOULD be sensitive to this sort of thing. </p>
<p>5th Grade is pretty young and if my child came home distressed, I think I would feel obliged to have a conversation with the school. Doesn’t have to be a confrontational conversation, but kind of a “heads up” that some children will be affected by these sorts of stories. The one thing I have learned is that you have to advocate for your child. And letting teachers know that you are paying attention to what is going on is also a good thing. So, although I would have started with the teacher in this instance, bringing the subject up with the school was the right thing to do.</p>
<p>I’ve just finished having a grade corrected from, according to my D, “a nice old lady but the worst Algebra teacher ever.” I’ve emailed this teacher about grades before (might be one of those that doesn’t use email). So I went straight to the principal this time. The grade was a B+ when it should have been an A-. I’ve also had to discuss missing papers with teachers - D and I found the paper in the teacher’s pile. So yeah, the teacher is not always right.</p>
<p>Yes I would have said something about this and @intparent, my D is nowhere near a special snowflake and no we don’t need to home school and neither does the OP. I would also have an issue with a teacher taking about murder with my 5th grader (yeah 5th graders do still have nightmares). I’d like to know that you’ll discuss it first. </p>
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<p>This my tone in my email. I was not being a b*tch at all.</p>
<p>When my daughter had a horrible 4th grade teacher (she was in her 51st year of teaching and should have retired years before) and I told both the principal and the superintendent how my daughter and the teacher did not get along etc. - their response (both of them independently) was that it was a good learning experience for my daughter. The idea that having a bad year and a teacher who treats you and others poorly is a good thing for a child is beyond my comprehension.</p>
<p>In the case of the murder story - the teacher should have checked the facts before presenting to the class, so that story should not have been presented. However, how do you want the teacher to present other murder stories? Do you want your little darlings to be shielded from the assassinations of President Kennedy and Martin Luther King, jr? How do you teach 5th-graders history and social studies without covering those subjects? Do you shield them from the TV daily news and newspapers? It would be hard to find a newspaper or tv news that did not mention a murder, shooting, sexual assault, or other such tragedy. And regular tv shows… does your child watch any mysteries or standard tv shows? Most have graphic sex, violence, murder, rape, drug use, stalking… I worked in the school district for years and I am all about age-appropriate discussion of real life with kids. </p>
<p>I might want to discuss it when my child comes home and frankly don’t understand the condescending tone “little darlings”. Not necessarily a special snowflake issue here. My D and I talk about all kinds of things and we always have but for a teacher to presume that a story is fact when it isn’t shows that the teacher is not very bright - I’d like to counteract that a bit and advise my kid to research before presenting something as fact. I’ve had to fix a few ‘facts’ - stuff that I know is not accurate - after the fact at home after the kid just happened to bring it up. At least get the story right, teacher.</p>
<p>My guess is that the principal just didn’t see any reason to keep your identity confidential, which I understand.</p>
<p>From your perspective, since your D came home upset, this is a big deal, or at least big enough to be worth discussing with the school. You don’t know the teacher well and are concerned she could take it out on your daughter, so you went over her head to the principal.</p>
<p>From the principal’s perspective this is, in the first place, a pretty minor issue, and one of many issues he probably hears about regularly. The principal presumably knows the teacher, so the notion that the teacher is going to retaliate would likely seem paranoid and absurd to him, and probably didn’t even cross his mind. If you had explicitly told him not to tell the teacher, that would have been one thing, but as it is, it may have just seemed silly to go over to another adult with whom one has a professional relationship and say “I can’t tell you who, but SOMEONE was disturbed by your reference to x.”</p>
<p>My perspective is a lot closer to the principal’s. Depending on the context in which the murder came up (leaving aside for a moment the fact that it was a rumor), it may or may not have been wildly inappropriate to mention, but even if it was totally unnecessary, this is fairly small potatoes, worth a pleasant note to the teacher, not to the principal. I don’t find the risk of retaliation credible - while such things happen on occasion, most teachers can be professional, and even those that might not be aren’t likely to be so offended by a polite e-mail that they are going to take it out on the student. Even if she did, we’re talking about a 5th grade specials teacher. The stakes are pretty low - what is she going to do, give her a “B” in music? </p>
<p>You didn’t tell the principal something confidential about your daughter. You had a discussion with him about the behavior of a third party - and he told the third party, who should have been involved in the initial conversation anyway. It is unkind and generally unnecessary to take a problem to a person’s supervisor without discussing it with the person first. </p>
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<p>Maybe you have not read the entire thread but I really have no problem with RELEVANT historical assassinations and the such. It is all in the delivery. What historical relevance did this have? None because it never even happened. </p>
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<p>For the most part yes, she has plenty of time to grow up and I don’t think a ten year old needs to read about gang rape and brutal murder.</p>
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<p>ABC Family, Disney and some other TV Stations. Age appropriate. She is not even a teenager yet. If we watch something that involves a murder, etc, I am typically there to explain that this Hollywood and not “real life” and go on to explain that it does happen in real life, but that it is statistically improbable that it would happen to her or me, which is her fear base.</p>
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<p>Have we gotten so desensitized as a society that we believe that “a murder, shooting, sexual assault, or other such tragedy” is age appropriate for 10 year olds?</p>
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ahh, the dangers of internet posting and subsequent misunderstanding. Sorry; I wasn’t trying to be condescending. I called my school students, “little darlings” when frequently they were not; in this case I am referring to all little darlings, not your child specifically. </p>
<p>Ahhh, thanks @anxiousmom. Just not sure OP meets the criteria of helicopter mom, this seems a reasonable concern (the ‘snowflake’ bomb has already been tossed previously). :)</p>
<p>Somewhat off topic, but I remember learning about Aztecs and human sacrifice in fourth grade…and the story of Abraham and Isaac even before then…</p>
<p>OP, my alarms would have gone off if I found out the teacher were repeating internet rumors. I probably wouldn’t have gone to the principal over this incident, but I would be paying attention in case this was part of a pattern. Is this teacher repeating crazy internet stuff regularly? </p>
<p>Wow…I know it’s easy to misinterpret tone online but I’m taken aback and some of the comments to the OP. It’s hard for any of us when our kids come home from school upset about something. Is the world ending? No but isn’t the Cafe the perfect place to check in about something like this?</p>
<p>My thoughts…yes, it would have been nice if the OP felt comfortable going to the teacher first because no one feels all that great when they hear something from their boss first, particularly when I’m assuming the teacher is unaware that she’s done/someone believes she’s done something wrong. Sounds like the OP was very diplomatic and just shared her concerns…we all (parents) have that right and it’s part of a principals’s job to interact with parents. While it didn’t feel good to receive the misaddressed email, I don’t think the principal did anything wrong as (1) this issue at hand isn’t life-threatening or a ‘10’ on the how serious is this scale and (2) this is a co-worker with whom she’s likely friendly and they have a relationship that goes far beyond this one issue.</p>
<p>Finally, I really try to ‘assume goodwill’ …it’s possible this teacher has no idea that her discussion with the kids was inappropriate and my goal in bringing it up would be to engage in a discussion (in this scenario between the principal and teacher) about age-appropriate content and confirming facts before sharing them with the ultimate goal of having this teacher become more thoughtful about what and how she’ll share info with the kids should a similar type of situation arise in the future. Hopefully, that will occur but, if it doesn’t, I would just have to move on.</p>
<p>There was one example above about a teacher who was treating boys and girls differently and how, after a poster brought it to the teacher’s attention, the situation really improved–not sure if I got the detail exactly right but that was the gist of it – no one’s perfect. Nice to get feedback and, if it resonates, consider changing our behavior. I know it doesn’t always work out that way but it sure is nice when it does!</p>
<p>It would be nice if the specials teacher would use this as a teaching moment and tell the same group of kids that the story turned out not to be true and that one should not believe everything one reads on the internet…</p>
<p>I agree that telling the OP to homeschool and “throwing the snowflake bomb” – love it-- are not warranted here.</p>
<p>I also find it interesting that, although the OP indicated that both the principal and the teacher were female, at least one poster referred to the principal as “he.” Those authority figures just have to be men… ;)</p>
<p>@consolation, they are both female :)</p>
<p>Yes, that was my point. :)</p>
<p>Unless you well know the principal and how s/he operates, or any person other than your lawyer that you’ve hired, your priest, your mental health counselor, your doctor, and even with them you might want to make sure you and such persons are on the same wave length about confidentiality, you have to assume it isn’t going to be confidential. Sad, but that’s the way it works in this world. </p>