<p>You’ve asked for feedback, so I’ll give you mine:</p>
<p>I don’t know why you didn’t talk to the teacher first before reporting her to the principal. It just seems like common courtesy to follow the chain of command and start with the teacher first to give her the opportunity to hear you out. When you go straight to the principal, it seems less like trying to establish a constructive dialogue and more like an attempt to get her in trouble. JMHO.</p>
<p>I could see wanting to go to the principal because OP clearly didn’t want the teacher to know which of her students had the complaining parent. I could see it as a misguided attempt to handle it non-confrontationally in a way that insulates the child, or it would have if principal had been confidential.</p>
<p>Can’t weigh in on whether that’s what I would have done or not since I’m not a parent, but I could see making that mistake myself, if it is a mistake. Especially if I thought what the teacher did was particularly batty and I didn’t care to get dragged into a debate with her about it. My mom talked to the principal a lot when I was growing up, I didn’t get the impression talking to my teachers was ever very productive-- but what do I really know.</p>
<p>Just saying. I don’t get the vibe at all that OP was trying to make a huge deal out of this or cause problems for the teacher.</p>
<p>I’ve always gone to the teachers first. If you handle it right, it can go very well. That doesn’t mean it will always go very well, but to not even give it a shot strikes me as wrong. Again, JMHO. Confrontation is not something that has to be ugly. I want my kids to learn how to use diplomacy and develop problem solving skills. How can I ask that of them if I shy away from it myself?</p>
<p>I’ve had teachers do all kinds of stupid things. D was in 3rd or 4th grade during the infamous sniper shooter. The school decided to do drills on how to lock down the campus. D was in a portable classroom. She had gone to the bathroom inside the building and on her way back they called a lock-down drill. The knucklehead teacher locked her out of the classroom, and the doors to the school got locked. The teacher yelled out the window to hide I had d sleeping in our bed for days after that. You can bet I ran that one up the pipeline. There was no plan in place if kids happened to be outside. </p>
<p>No matter how you slice it, the teacher looks very bad here. Not only did she upset one or more (?) of her students, but the fact that she was bringing a totally baseless and untrue story into her classroom was highlighted. Sure she is going to be on the defensive, but in all fairness she should issue a correction in class as another poster has noted.</p>
<p>I never got anywhere with teacher or principal complaints, whether in private elementary school or public HS. When my son had an issue with principal in 5th grade, and I called a meeting with him, got no where, I then called the 2 top committee members. Yada yada. The very next week, one of the sons of the women I called had a similar run-in with principal. He was replaced by following year, but my son never returned to this private school.</p>
<p>In HS, my son had CS as an elective. The elderly teacher knew little. I scheduled 4 appointments with him after school, at his “office hour” times. He did not show up for any. As luck would have it, we’re having dinner at a good friend’s home, a MS teacher, and were talking about irresponsible teachers. The woman asking me questions introduced herself as the department head for that CS teacher. She explained why he was given that class to teach, for which he was out of his element. I could throw in other examples. some excellent teachers, the best GC, some mediocre and poor ones. </p>
<p>i never expected confidentiality. I documented my notes and interactions. Since the OP is dealing with an issue with her 6th child in her school system, I’m sure she knows the ropes far better than I do.</p>
<p>In closing, and after a few conversations today, I was not the only parent that called this situation out. (They would only say “more than a handful”)The teacher was spoken to (it was a librarian…which is one reason I did not speak with her directly…it just did not seem right to me) she stated she had no idea why she brought it up expect that she had read it at lunch and it was on her mind. She apologized, issued an email apology to the two classes involved (including the Principal’s daughter, which I did not know) I consider it case closed. </p>
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<p>Why? Why didn’t it seem “right” to you?</p>
<p>If someone had a problem with something you did or said, you wouldn’t prefer that they ask you for clarification? You would rather they run to your boss FIRST?</p>
<p>I just don’t get that. </p>
<p>I don’t think the email was mis-addressed, I think you were cc’d, as is appropriate. The principal was letting you know that she planned to speak with the teacher about your issue. She presented your concerns directly to the teacher. I imagine you were polite and clear in your email, so of course the principal forwarded it to the teacher. I don’t see a need for confidentiality. It does seem odd to have internet rumors about murders be presented as some kind of instruction at school…</p>
<p>A librarian? Disheartening to hear that someone who supposedly has well-honed research skills falls for everything she reads on the internet.</p>
<p>I’m curious as to whether this librarian is young, middle aged, or old.</p>
<p>I looked up the original article and read it. No one who should be teaching children should have been fooled if they read the entire article. If they only read the first few paragraphs, shame on them. </p>
<p>So have you heard back from the principal?</p>
<p>Yes…see post on top of page 4</p>
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<p>She is middle-aged. I felt the same way too, which is why addressed the Principal directly. Despite getting a great deal of criticism on these boards for that action and not speaking with the librarian first, I stand beside the choice I made and I would do it over again.</p>
<p>I’m glad the situation was resolved. When you ask for opinions on an internet forum it makes sense that some people will disagree with you. Since you did ask, I believe that emailing the librarian instead would have been the correct starting point. I also believe the principal acted appropriately when she forwarded your email, addressed the librarian by her first name, and said, “Let’s discuss.” I don’t see why confidentiality would be called for in this instance.</p>
<p>I have a fifth grader. She’s been exposed to fairly horrific reading assignments routinely over the last year. Death, horror, tragedy, Nazi’s right and left. Right now it’s Burma and the Japanese during WWII which at least is fairly oblique, but Out of the Dust was the worst. Some stories make both of us tear up. In that case, I communicated to the teacher that although there is merit to these works she must be cognizant that she is working with some sensitive gifted kids and unrelenting tragedy is wearing. </p>
<p>More on point, I have even more trouble with it when it is gratutious current news related mayhem. I try to keep her away from things like bus drivers who abduct girls and have them chained in his house for years, Syria gassings, school shootings, etc. I don’t want a teacher bringing that stuff up. But other kids will have heard it, almost certainly, from one place or another and she does come home with that information. That is hard. </p>
<p>If you want your communications to be kept confidential I think you must say “I’d prefer you leave my and my child’s name out of it” and hope that works. </p>
<p>The reason for confidentiality is that the teachers/administrators stick together generally, and if you get your kid branded as one with a complaining parent, it’s not good for the child. In this case, the teacher’s faux pas was so egregious that you can’t approach her directly without letting her realize that you think (correctly) she’s either stupid or seriously off-base.</p>
<p>Dear Librarian,</p>
<p>D came home today very upset about the story you had told her class about the Russian man murdered for a mistake he had made at the Olympics opening ceremony. First of all, in looking up the story, it seems that this was a rumor that turned out to be untrue, but in any event, I question the need for sharing this with a group of elementary school children. While I understand that students need at some point to be exposed to tragic and disturbing material, I think ten is still young enough to avoid bringing up such issues unless there’s a real curricular need for it. If you’d like to discuss this with me further - because D was upset, I didn’t get a full sense of what the context for the conversation was - you can call me at (123) 456-7890.</p>
<p>Thanks,</p>
<p>Collegeshopping</p>
<p>Believing that that kind of polite, measured e-mail is going to bring down a rain of retaliation that will haunt your child throughout her school career is just paranoid. Yes, the librarian might roll her eyes and mention it to another teacher, but it isn’t likely to become the talk of the school, and unless you are routinely complaining about minor issues, which it doesn’t sound like you are, you aren’t going to become the poster child for obnoxious helicopter parenting. </p>
<p>I just don’t understand the impression that a significant number of teachers are ogres that can’t be approached as you would any other rational adult professional with whom you had a disagreement.</p>
<p>I don’t know enough about the story to comment on whether or not it was an appropriate discussion with fifth graders but re: the issue of the principal divulging your email to the teacher, I don’t think this is unusual in this context. You should probably have contacted the teacher first as it’s always best to go through the proper chain of command in this type of situation. I would also want to confirm the details of what transpired without relying on my ten year old’s version. In any case, it is probably unwise to assume that a principal will keep an issue like this confidential and simply discuss the issue generally with the teacher.</p>
<p>You were likely CC’d on the principal’s email. It is unlikely that it was misaddressed.</p>
<p>This thread waivered from the original question to questioning the parenting style of eightball. Eightball you held up well. I think most people would assume it is a private correspondence,but as we can tell by the answers, that is not an assumption to make. I find it interesting others complained, and the principal herself seemed put off by this. It appears it worked out for the best. </p>