My family visit us periodically and sometimes with very little warning. I actually don’t mind since who can expect you to clean up if you only heard the day or two before? They don’t expect to be catered to, and my SIL at least always finds great NYC restaurants and drags us out to see interesting performances. She’s an only child, but has a friend whom she calls a “brother”. He’s actually perfectly fine, but when he comes along, I feel incredibly irritated in a way, I never was by having her mother for Christmas for example. Anyway, I usually find our guests treat us to meals or otherwise try to make up for being used as a hotel, or we feel we owe them for having visited a few too many times. It seems to even out.
@ChoatieMom: I’m angry for you. That’s waaaaaaay over the line.
We were hit hard this year. Three sets from ‘the old country’. This coupled with DD coming thru several times and DS graduating and moving back for a bit (and having a number of friends pass thru) has left me a bit stressed. Honestly, most of the company is just fine - they pitch in and participate the daily grind. But it’s difficult having someone underfoot for 2+ weeks at a time.
Add to this that fact that we are in the middle of a major repair on our deck - think jack hammers and construction dust - and it makes it even more difficult.
The young couple we I dropped off at my sister’s house today were pleasant enough. It’s just that after warning them 6+ months ago about this being the final LONG weekend of summer they still planned in such a way that left H (*) and I stuck driving in the worst traffic of the year.
The older couple (okay, MY age) were helpful in the house but beyond stingy as far as contributing to the food and beer/wine/whiskey costs. They would show up like clockwork every afternoon at 4:00 and make coffee to have on the deck. Honestly…try Starbucks…bring us a pastry while your at it.
D gets married next May. Some of the ‘old country’ folks will be invited. There is one particular couple whom I fear will look at the list of hotels enclosed in the invite and thing "oh, good thing we get to stay with the brides family’. I’ve already told everyone in my immediate family - in no uncertain terms - that absolutely NO ONE to whom I did not give birth and those who have been given specific tasks in the area will be staying at this house during my blackout period. The blackout period is three weeks before the event and two weeks thereafter.
- H is a saint when it comes to hosting company. We had the worst heat wave in 100 years (or so I read, I not really that old, just feel that way right now). Most folks in our area don't have AC. H turned basement shop into a home theater and we all hung out escaping the house which was up to 90 degrees at one point.
My Ukrainian grandpa used to say that “an uninvited guest is worse than a Mongol invader” (a historical reference to the events of the thirteenth (?) century).
^^ha ha love the blackout period @dietz199.
We have had visits from same relatives that are the type of people that want to pretend that they are 21 years old and act like idiots at a local dive bar. We don’t go there and I have pretended to be napping in order to avoid the invite to join them.
Dietz, I like your blackout period too. D2 is getting married next spring and my sister and her 3 daughters and one granddaughter will be staying in a nearby hotel, and then in our house, after the wedding. H’s brother has asked to stay in the house afterwards too but I told him we won’t have room. I think it’s a natural inclination for people to consolidate trips and want to visit with you before or after the “main event” but it’s just not the best time!
Unless there is some sort of emergency I will not stay at a friend or relatives home. When H and I went to visit his brother the first time he told me they were offended we wouldn’t stay. I sat them down and explained that it was nothing personal but it was a hard and fast rule. And that our home would be welcome for them in case of an emergency ( visiting because of death or illness in relatives here etc…) but otherwise I don’t do houseguests ever. Period. Full stop.
I am happy to have them visit during the day or take out to meals/ tourist spots though.
I should add that my Father in law is the same way. The one emergency time we stayed with them was when my daughter was 2 weeks old, there was a huge heat wave here ( 105 plus) and the AC in our high rise stopped working. I apologized as we decamped to their house. Father in law who was serious but with a droll sense of humor said “Anytime it’s 105 degrees…and your air conditioner is broken …and you have a 2 week old baby…you are welcome to stay with us!”
SNL needs to do a reprise of “the thing that wouldn’t leave”–extended version. 
A good friend of ours built his dream house in a Colorado ski resort.
Knowing he knows dozens (if not more) ski enthusiasts he made a daring design choice. His home is essentially a one bedroom. In theory there is a loft for guests, but he “neglected” to build a ladder/stairs to it. (He and his wife don’t have kids, that helps.)
So – no overnight guests. He and his wife are gracious hosts - they cook, invite folks into the hot tub, or to chill by the fire pit.
But at the end of the evening everyone goes home or to a nearby hotel.
Clever !!
We are generally more comfortable in our own hotel room and most folks who visit us are as well. We are not convenient to most of the tourist attractions, so only folks who really mainly want to spend time with US would actually enjoy staying with us anyway. When we were younger and poorer, we were OK with staying with friends briefly, but nowadays, rarely do so, except if that’s the main way we will be able to spend time with them. We are self-amusing and don’t need to be entertained. We are happy to treat for meals, prepare meals, and otherwise spend time on our own or with our host/hostess.
My D who has an extra en-suite bedroom is inundated with requests from friends and her H’s relatives since they live in NYC. They don’t consider that she has twins under 2 years old. They have been too polite and let people stay. I constantly tell her she has to say no sometimes.
We live in a tourist town and often get requests to stay since most people know we have a few spare bedrooms. Both H and I enjoy company but only 2 or 3 nights max.
It really pays off to live in the boonies because most folks prefer centrally located hotels to staying with us. But they love dining on our patio.
Sounds like your H and BIL come from a culture where part of showing family warmth is to extend hospitality to one’s home and mean it. Very different from other cultures where it’s not mandatory or others in which even close friends/extended family may never get to see the inside of one’s home.
Incidentally, when I was invited to attend a friend’s wedding across the country in the Seattle area, I was initially preparing to get a hotel room as while I was close to the friend, I didn’t know his family. I was pleasantly surprised when his parents extended an invitation to stay with their family at a large house they rented as it was not only cheaper than nearby hotels, it also allowed me to become acquainted with my friend’s family during the week we were there.
maya54, will you please be my new best friend?
I really dislike staying with others. I am ok for a few nights of company but that is all.
A few years ago I made the decision that I am not staying with anyone again.
I have not been tested yet.
Ok–maybe my D and her fiancé a few nights but mainly we stay in a hotel for 75% and then
move to their place at the end of the visit.
I am good about giving a key and information and showing them the fridge. Making
dinner is not an issue–I just hate waking up in the morning expected to be “on”.
And wearing proper clothes all of the time.
D’s future in-laws are in town (wedding is Saturday). FMIL made a comment when
we talked on the phone a few months ago that they were staying at an ABnB so as
“not to inconvenience” us. That was never going to happen and love the “black out date”.
Ohh geez…don’t get me started on the house guests!!! We have a large back room with bath and separate entrance. It is a revolving hotel room door. Just last week I had literally 3 hours to strip bed, wash towels and clean before next guest. They are various members of my Hs family and they always say “don’t worry… you don’t need to clean up…we’re only going to stay a couple of nights” these are all single people, slobs or young people. They just don’t get it. I have standards, and my whole house , or at least your room and bathroom, is going to be immaculate if I have guests.
Sometimes I just put my foot down and announce no guests for the rest of the month or something. My husband tries to tell them but it gets phrased "my wife said no guests " and I’m always the bad guy. They have no money and have never stayed in a hotel so we have become the flop house over the last 20 years. I’m guessing it would be rude to start saying “there’s a hotel nearby” after all these years.
Even when the furniture is pulled out to help stage one of my projects that doesn’t stop them. They’ll just flop on the floor or camp on the large covered patio:)
And yes, @oregon101, the worst part is having to be properly dressed every morning when I exit the bedroom, usually with makeup and hair brushed. I really like to just shuffle into the kitchen and get the coffee started before getting dressed. The in laws are the worst. They get up at oh dark thirty and fuss with my coffee pot and start grinding beans to wake everyone up.
We only get occasional visitors to Tampa. Some I wish would stay longer. The worst thing my sister did was to stand at the island in front of the refrigerator eating her cereal- in my way. Plenty of seating at the kitchen table, the other sides or on stools along the sink part… We had friends once while the house was undergoing renovations- gutted kitchen… They came back and are very welcome to return.
It is nice to have visitors but it is also nice to be alone.
This makes me miss the days when I had visitors. Years ago, it was back to back during the summer, hectic but fun. The kids were home and I worked less. Divorce happened, distancing some of the crowd, the older generation died or stopped traveling, as did the relatives with kids. Now a friend will come on rare occasion, but that is it.
As one gets older, time for personal routines becomes more precious and essential. I would be exhausted now if it were constant, but I do miss the fun.
I’ve got a jolly friend & spouse who manage to stay with friends and relatives all over the US and in England. That’s even folks she recently started corresponding with (a year or two,) but hasn’t yet met. But she figures she’ll ask and if they say no, she’s fine with a B&B. She always has some larger itinerary planned, so limits the time (two nights is the sweet spot for her,) is gracious. Seems they offer to welcome her back.
Otoh, her son drew the line (it’s really a DIL issue.)
ok my main problem with houseguests I am ashamed to say -is that I have to wear a bra! I am one of those ladies who is practically taking it off as they walk in the door.