Where do you draw the line on prom expenses?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Just curious about other parents’ perspectives on prom expenses. S paid for own tux rental/other prom expenses, which were significant but not overwhelming. Now we have D at prom stage. Made her pay $100 towards dress and shoes, but we paid the remainder. Now the issue of hair salon, tanning, and manicure/pedicure is rearing its ugly head, and I have said no to paying for any of it. And if she wants to pay for it herself, I think she can pay for the remainder of her dress and shoe expenses, too.</p>

<p>Am I being unreasonable? Playing a role in my feelings about this, I know, is the fact that I did my own hair and nails for my wedding 25+ years ago, let alone for my proms. I am also adamently opposed to tanning due to cancer/skin damage concerns. In addition, the over-the-top prom extravagance has always struck me as ridiculous. (And, when you get right down to it, the prom hair-dos sculpted by most stylists are SCARY rather than attractive.)</p>

<p>Is my kid right in that EVERYONE ELSE is going the hair stylist/tanning booth/professional manicure/pedicure route?</p>

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<p>I think your choice is perfectly reasonable to make her pay for those added items. I would not go back and now make her pay for the rest of the dress/shoes, since you had apparently already settled that. But I think that is enough of a contribution.</p>

3

<p>Don’t the kids always say ‘EVERYONE’!!?</p>

<p>I also did my own make-up, hair, etc. for my wedding 25 years ago. My D’s school has a winter formal AND prom every year. I limit the dress to under $100 (she’s pretty good at shopping sales!) and I pay for her nails. Hair, shoes, etc. is up to her since she has a job and has her own money. If it’s that important to her, she can pay!</p>

<p>I agree about the tanning…NOT!</p>

4

<p>I have heard a number of times that EVERYONE ELSE is doing this or that, but each time I have asked for names, they haven’t been forthcoming.</p>

5

<p>We didn’t draw a line at all. ALL of the prom expenses except the dress were on DD’s dime. And we limited our dress contribution to a certain amount. She was WAY under that budget. DD is MUCH more careful about how she spends HER money.</p>

6

<p>In our town, it runs the gamut from minimum $800 dresses, tanning (eww), hair, mani/pedis, wearing Mom’s diamonds, and the whole limo shebangaroo to simply using the guy’s dad’s car (if available if his own car is a junker) and a decent affordable dress, maybe splurge on a hair stylist the morning of, and that’s it. Find your comfort zone as a parent and stick with it. I stopped listening to the plaintive, “But EVERYBODY else is…” years ago! If kids want all the bells and whistles, they can pay for the extras themselves.</p>

7

<p>We go all out & pay for it all! They only have one prom. S’s “job” is being a student- he excels at it on a daily basis & asks for so little. So yes let them have a great day, they will soon be off to more serious pursuits. Try a compromise. For tanning use the self-tanning lotion and let her earn some extra money/perks by doing odd jobs around the house.
ps I did my hair, nails, makeup & flowers at my wedding so I am not generally indulgent</p>

8

<p>That is a personal matter. It really depends on how strongly you feel about all of this. If your D’s friends are all doing the tanning and hair as part of an experience, I can see why she might want to be with them in doing that. Perhaps she can get a less expensive dress, shoes, etc and put her money towards those other things. I saw some gorgeous dresses, one of them a $600 Bloomingdale dress from last year at Salvation Army tagged at $12 which would be $6 on half price day. There are ways to cut some of the expenses. </p>

<p>It also depends very much on your financial situation. If you are struggling, your D should be aware of this, and it would be inappropriate to be spending a ton of money on the prom. However, if it is principle that is the reason you don’t want to spend that amount, you might want to ask if this is a one time special event expense. Is she going to one prom? Is this her senior prom? Are all of her friends making this a big time experience? </p>

<p>It is a lot cheaper when you have boys. My sons have black tuxes, so we just bought cumberbunds and bow ties to go with the young ladies’ dresses, and they were set. My boys picked up the flowers themselves. I also paid a share for two of them who were in a group that rented a limo. </p>

<p>But they also went to proms where the girls asked them and they were some big,big events. Pre prom “cocktail” hours with picture posings to which all the parents involved were invited. The limo, the post prom, and I don’t even want to think about what the girls’ personal preparations ran. My boys were not so imaginative or elaborate for their personal proms, so it was a lot cheaper and simpler.</p>

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<p>Ha, ha, Momasita. My kids had MANY proms. I’m with you if there is one prom. But my sons were prom gigolos. Thankfully they had tuxedos, so the cost was not high per prom, as I wasn’t about to pay for multiple proms. But I did pay for their own school proms which were Junior and Senior proms. The most elaborate and expensive ones were not their proms, but ones where the girls asked them to be their escorts at the girls’ school proms.</p>

10

<p>My DS (a junior) just can’t fathom the amounts of money kids (or the parents, by extension) will spend on proms. I can’t see him going. I said, “Well, what if a girl asks YOU to go?” He paused, thought about it and said, “If she was nice and fun, I’d consider it.” Doing “dress up events” has never been high on his priority list. He doesn’t dress like a slob but does tend to use his bedroom floor as the closet, although the hamper is two feet away …</p>

11

<p>FindaPlace, it’s not a terrible expense if a girl asks him to go since SHE will pay for the tickets, the transportation and all that expensive stuff. </p>

<p>Two advantages, off the top of my head, in having boy: cheaper when it comes to proms and easier roadside pitstops.</p>

12

<p>Son(s) bought their tuxedo’s online from ebay. Middle son is now a college junior and still uses it several (4+) times a year. The total cost for tux, shirt, cuff links, tie and cumberbun (sp) was under $100 including shipping, probably less since he purchased his sophomore year in high school. So 6 years of use, so far. It was altered originally which was covered in the purchase so when we let out the hem, (he grew) the $7 alteration charge plus the dry cleaning is his only annual expense. He has nice dress shoes (Ross Dress for Less) he uses with the tux and his suits (Lands End On the Counter sale- free alterations as well!</p>

<p>Typically they would split the costs of the tickets with their date and then also split the cost of the meal before-hand at a very reasonably priced eatery. They would pay for the flowers and they always carpooled together with their friends that had cars. Many of the parents hosted after-prom parties that were mostly potluck and one of the dads was the “designated professional photographer” - his hobby so we always had nice pictures for just the cost of the film and paper.</p>

<p>So sons’ expenses where the original tux and shoe investment 6 years ago, half the ticket, meal and flowers- all usually under $50. A little less was spent on homecoming (cheaper tickets) and winter formal.</p>

<p>My daughters spent about the same amount as that their dresses were usually in the $20 range (Ross, Marshall’s or TJ Maxx on clearance), same with shoes and purse and maybe a new nailpolish. So splitting a meal, flowers and the tickets again put them in the under $50 category. They always did their own hair and makeup and usually had their girlfriends over ahead of time to all do each others. I think that might be some of the best moments we had regarding prom, homecoming, winter formals!!</p>

<p>Since sons were football players, daughters also athletes and cheerleaders they always had a built-in base of friends to share expenses with. Daughters on a few occasions swapped dresses with friends to keep the costs even lower. They all have great memories and I have some of my best pictures from those times.</p>

<p>Middle daughter is graduating college in about 5 weeks and she is wearing one of those dresses under her cap and gown!! She was home for spring break and picked it up so she could wear it to the after grad parties! Still fits into it, she was happier about that then anything!!</p>

<p>She did manage to squeak a new purse out of it but that I could swing! Her cap and gown is costing more than that (she is paying for that) so I was happy to pay.</p>

<p>So no, we as a family (5 kiddos) have not over indulged for prom expenses money-wise but have put forth a lot of time and energy to make the occasions very memorable. </p>

<p>Kat</p>

13

<p>You can also often buy used tuxes from tuxedo rental shops. That’s where we got our boys’. They run about $100 too, the last time we did that.</p>

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<p>cpt, </p>

<p>As a mom of 5 Ds, thanks for the smile. :)</p>

15

<p>I think it’s up to parents what they’re willing to pay for. Keep in mind that what you’re willing to pay for now for prom will help fuel your D’s expectations for what you’ll pay for her wedding.</p>

<p>I have sons. One went to one prom. The other could have gone twice, but turned down an invitation to junior prom because he hates to get dressed up.</p>

<p>We paid for the tux rental, and for new shoes. I think we may have paid for her corsage. They went in her car. She paid for the tickets and pictures. If he had asked her, we probably would have paid for the tickets and pictures. </p>

<p>If I had daughters, we would have paid up to $100 for a dress, and would have paid to have her hair done if she had wanted to go to a salon, and would have paid for the buttonnaire and tickets and pictures (if she was the host). If she had wanted other frills, she could have paid for them.</p>

<p>For the record, H and I paid for our wedding, which was very cheap: taped music, wedding cake was made by friends, outdoor wedding at a free location, $60 wedding gown, no rented limo, etc.</p>

16

<p>A lot of kids around here do each others hair and make up. Yep, it can look kind of funky, but it isn’t too expensive. </p>

<p>Tanning? We live in California–we get ours free. </p>

<p>Manicures–hmmm, not something that I grew up with, but sometimes the kids go out and get them for themselves as a treat. I wouldn’t be too concerned about it unless it cost more than $50. Pedicures? Aren’t the dresses LONG? That’s a lot of money to pay for something that will be mostly hidden. Along the same vein–no bikini waxes.</p>

<p>I’m amazed at how much money is spent on limos, etc. That is something that has definitely changed since my day!</p>

17

<p>We’re paying for all of the things that will make her beautiful next year because D will only have one prom and she’s our last daughter. We will not, however, contribute to the tickets or the limo. I hope D will pony up for that as the tickets are $200 a piece and heaven only knows what the limo will be. We will pay for her dress, undergarments, shoes, hair, nails, make-up and accessories. She doesn’t tan, so that’s one thing we won’t deal with.</p>

<p>The tradeoff for me, personally, is that if I spend my time and money outfitting her, then I get to have a professional portrait done of my precious baby darling girl! I have one of D1 on prom day that is absolutely beyond beautiful.</p>

18

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<p>So a couple would be $400? YIKES! </p>

<p>Our proms (to give you an idea what vintage I’m talking about–the theme at my junior prom was “Nights in White Satin”) were always in the school gym under the parachute canopy. I guess most proms are held at fancy hotels far from home nowadays. </p>

<p>That kind of expense must surely keep many kids from going to the prom.</p>

19

<p>

You might think so, especially since it’s an inner-city school, but it actually doesn’t. They have the prom in a place like Tavern on the Green or somewhere equally lavish, but it’s the only event of the season for these kids. No senior trip or anything and they know from freshman year that this is coming. If it were part of a package of expensive events it would be a problem, but since it’s the one-and-only of the entire four years, most families find a way. Some just do the prom and others add on trips “down the shore,” but the prom really is a big deal.</p>

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<p>^That makes sense, zm.</p>