I come from a very nagging family and would have no problem with nagging or being nagged over exercise or other things. If my sister were visiting and vegging too much on the couch, would I nag her to come hiking or kayaking or paddleboarding with me? No question – yes! And I still rely on my ex-husband to nag me to exercise, eat well, etc.
But there is something in one of the OPs posts that stuck out to me like a sore thumb that would lead me to advise caution. She said, in one the posts, something like: “i believe she would feel/ LOOK / [something else] better.” (My emphasis added). That “look” jumped out at me. Any implied criticism of looks at this age by a mother is so fraught with emotional baggage that caution is definitely required (especially if, deep down, concern over looks is partly fueling the mom’s irritation). 18-year-old daughters almost have ESP on this subject, in my experience, and, if you are feeling critical of your daughter’s looks, she probably can sense it.
“Perhaps in a perfect world, bus driver, but I disagree. I believe we are talking about different instances, though”
I think you’re right. It’s easy to talk about things in generalities, but when it comes to specific stories, that’s an entirely different thing. My best friend, whom I loved dearly, would put me down in really obnoxious ways, and then hug me and tell me how wonderful I was. When I walked into a restaurant, she would yell loudly, “Hey fatso, over here!”(I was grossly thin, and self conscious of it). Or, “Hey stupid, how are you?” Of course, only in public places, where people would stare. I tried to not let it bother me, but it was so obnoxious, I finally said we should end our friendship. We didn’t, but it stopped her rude behavior. So no quick makeup for that situation, I don’t think you can let people abuse you!
Right now, my newly-graduated kids are at home. My D has just started her job and is looking for an apartment. My S will be moving to another city to start his job there, but his job doesn’t start til August. I do have the expectation that since S is home and not doing anything, that he can help with running errands needed for the household. So H and I have given him “assignments” each day to lighten the load on ourselves - which can be, go pick up some mulch, call the exterminator and set up an appointment, return such-and-such to the store for us, etc. I guess it’s a rule of sorts - maybe part of this is what is a “rule” versus an expectation.
TO the OP. I just had thought. Does your family own a fitbit? My hubby wears his every day and it does sort of encourage him to move even more than he does. (he does plenty). Perhaps if you have one you could let her wear it to work one day as an experiment to see how many steps she does. You may find shes meeting the recommended amount of 10,000 steps! She may find she likes seeing the steps add up and feel like a slob when she has 100 after a day on the sofa!
I want one, after they make it a bit smaller and more feminine. H has the Charge HR which gives heart rate. That’s the only kind I would get. I’d like to see what zumba does for me heart rate wise.
Haven’t read the whole thread but I’ve found it hard to let go of the nagging parent thing :(. I tried, but I think I failed. Am returning from a holiday overseas and found I did fall into the nag mode a bit. I am an “avoid a problem” whereas the others in the family (males) are a “deal with it if it happens” type. I find that hard so tend to nag about what I think is important. Carrying ones passport on them vs leaving it behind when the luggage isn’t yet in the room and it would sit in an unsecured backpack seemed like a potential problem. So I nagged. Parent lesson vs nag is a fine line sometimes.
^^Ah, @jym626, sounds like you are SMART and proactive, as opposed to “let it happen and be a victim”. It’s purely good planning. Is it nagging if you know it’s the right thing to do, and they just don’t realize it. How can you let a disaster in the works just happen, because you didn’t share important information? And you would suffer too, if the passports were stolen. I’ll tell you, my kids thought I was nagging about protecting their wallets/phones when we were in Rome, but their eyes were wide open when the blatant thieves tried to rob us at the train station, and they stopped rolling their eyes at me pretty quickly! I made them all bury their stuff deep in their suitcases, and not let go of them.
My nagging caused my kid to be vigilant about her purse and passport. But she didn’t use the special pouch that I made for her. Her roommate’s purse was stolen. Luckily her roommate left her passport at home so only lost cash.
Yeah, only cash is a minor loss, compared to some things. My son had $200 cash stolen from his wallet that he had in his room. It was a locked room, and only roommates had access. Several members of the frat were also robbed. Not something I could lecture against, but kind of sad. They all knew who stole it. I didn’t nag on that one, though he decided not to have large amounts of money in the room from now on.
It may be a good idea to do it, and you may choose to do it, and everyone on this thread (including me) may agree that you should do it, but it’s still nagging.
“It may be a good idea to do it, and you may choose to do it, and everyone on this thread (including me) may agree that you should do it, but it’s still nagging”
Okay, I guess it’s a difference of opinion of what is reminding or nagging. Or what is helpful information or nagging. Nagging has a negative connotation. I’m glad my husband reminded me to take care of something with the tenant that I forgot to do, I’m glad my sister reminded me to make that optometrist’s appointment, and I’m glad my son reminded me that I had forgotten to send him something. I forget a lot of things nowadays. If there’s something that could be useful for me to know, I’m appreciative that someone tells me. I would be annoyed if someone purposefully saw me forget something at home I needed, and just let me do it. I guess if you’re the type of person that resents anyone telling you anything, then most everything comes across as nagging.