Lol, @busdriver11, no. My DH is a great guy. Kind, loving, smart, very accomplished, etc. But that man can say and do the most outrageous things when we are in private. People who don’t know him like I do would never believe it.
Lol. But I laugh at him all the same. Our Ds, not so much. 
I find nagging my parents more annoying than nagging my kids. My dad in particular will get all apologetic and STILL not do simple stuff like clean out his fridge before it starts crawling away…
I think part of the nagging cycle is to get to the point when you can’t say:
“Can you help me by mowing the lawn?”
you have to say:
“You know, you could get up off that couch and mow the lawn for me, since you don’t really contribute to the house and I am paying a bazillion dollars to send you to college in the fall so you can party without my supervision…”
(NFN, my parents were never ones for “please” and “thank you” - it’s like a mantra for me with my spouse and I do my best with the kids too. No, it was not a requirement for him to ask me what I need from the store or help me with the groceries, and for him to do things without being asked is at least worth a “thank you” and more 
)
DH and I made a deal that he gets “more” every day he exercises. So he gets on the treadmill 6 or 7 days a week! It’s improved his health and our marriage. 
He’s more than 8 years older than I am, and I want him to stick around for a long time.
^^ That’s my kind of carrot.
When older son was in full procrastination mode on college applications we had a deal that I was allowed to nag him once a week. He did get them done, but it was still like pulling teeth.
I am guilty of immediately digging in my heels about nagging even when it’s something I know I ought to do, so I try to be careful about nagging.
“You know, you could get up off that couch and mow the lawn for me, since you don’t really contribute to the house and I am paying a bazillion dollars to send you to college in the fall so you can party without my supervision…”
The worst kind, but the most effective for me. My mom would say similar statements and it would make me feel so guilty. “I come home from a long day to a full dishwasher and dishes in the sink. You didn’t think to help out?” Along with “I forgot I’m the only one who lives in this house and makes all this mess.” It makes me feel so guilty I hope right up and do it.
Six or seven days a week? Holy cow, impressive! I always thought bribes worked better than threats.
Yeah, Nrdsb4, our kids also get annoyed when we are too over the top. They think they can be completely inappropriate and get away with it, but not us. Parents, apparently, should be dignified… Where do they think they got the raunchy senses of humor from?
My idea of parenting is to teach them when young to help around the house, be polite, eat healthy, exercise, be considerate of others, be responsible and hard working, etc. My job is NOT to tell an adult child to do any of those things. If I had to make house rules like pick up after yourself, exercise, tell me where you’re going, or eat healthy I have failed miserably. I would no more tell my adult children to do some of those things than I would a guest staying in my home.
If I had a guest who expected to be waited on, picked up after and used my house with no regards for common courtesy they would not be invited back whether they were friends or relatives. But I wouldn’t give them “house rules” and expectations. Those were their parents job.
We have people stay with us all the time. We have a couple of spare rooms. I enjoy company often but have never had to tell anybody my house rules. Including my grown children.
I would no sooner nag an adult child to exercise than I would my sister or a friend. It’s none of my business no matter how much it bugs me. You had their whole life to instill good habits. If you haven’t done it by now, what makes you think any amount of nagging is going to change anything?
" My job is NOT to tell an adult child to do any of those things. If I had to make house rules like pick up after yourself, exercise, tell me where you’re going, or eat healthy I have failed miserably. I would no more tell my adult children to do some of those things than I would a guest staying in my home"
Gosh, that’s pretty harsh. So I guess you never ask your kids if they can clean up anything? You never ask where they are going and when they’ll be back? You have some tough standards for what constitutes a miserable failure.
I don’t know how it is that mine turned out healthy, confident, happy and successful, with parents who are still concerned about their health. I wonder what age you are allowed to still ask your kids to clean up and give them advice or suggestions. Until the age of 18 and not one day later? I wonder what other transgressions that a parent might do to be considered a miserable failure. Ask them how school is going? Comment that their hair is getting long? Oh, the horrors, the things these children have to suffer!
It’s more concern about health. I want my kids to be productive. You can’t be productive couch surfing and sleeping all day and it’s not for overbearing parents. Luckily mines were not 18 when they went to college so I guess I could still be considered on the right side, as in they were not legally an adult yet, by asking them to move their butt.
My husband is very fit, he runs most day when his legs allowed him, he sleeps better when he does exercise, plus it reduces stress in general, so he was particularly annoyed when he didn’t see one kid doing much.
There are no rules in our house, but they don’t do drugs and crazy stuff. By most standards they are considered very good kids. And there is nothing wrong with telling a teenager NOT to be too attached to their bed or electronic stuff. I considered that a good sign of being a parent. If you call that nagging then so be it. Eat healthily, exercise regularly to reduce stress is key to a good life, not just for weight purpose.
Btw, I nagged my oldest child about contributing to retirement too. I reminded her how important to start putting aside money for retirement first and not when putting money in retirement as an after thought.
Apparently, you’re a miserable failure of a parent, too, DrGoogle. All those microtransgressions against your children, with probably thousands of nanotransgressions mixed in there. Will they ever still talk to you when they get the chance to escape?
Hey OP, but what about the feeling low? That got my attention the most.
Your D getting outside and getting a little exercise would likely make her feel better, at least for awhile. I like the idea of the two of you going for a walk or bike ride or to a class. Maybe even window shopping, though that could be indoors. Is she sad or anxious about all the changes coming up?
I do nag but try not to. Sometimes when I do it and tell them I know I am doing it, but it is my job as their mother to nag now and then.
Bus, I saw that post about a parents nagging caused the son never to talk to the father again is one far flung example, or perhaps something wrong with the kid or family. Mine recognized much early on that their parents are imperfect, they still joke about our imperfections to our face with great affection, or they did developed a sense of humor to cope. We are both engineers, OMG, that’s already two strikes to start out for the kids. Lol!
^^When it comes to family not talking to each other, there has to be something extreme, and a long history or something very offensive, I think. Another one of my pearls of wisdom (or nags, apparently) to my kids is to never hold a grudge. Make up immediately. You can choose to take offense, or you can choose not to. I choose not to, and life is much happier that way. Life is too short to walk around angry at some little thing.
Engineers, ack! Those kids should run for the hills, quickly!
Why is it no surprise to me that your kids have a sense of humor? So do mine, and they are hilarious. There is always something to laugh at.
Bus, other people discuss important stuff at family time, our family bond over watching comedy and having a good time.
I agree with “Never hold a grudge.”, although it’s easier said than done, but disagree with “Make up immediately.” and would replace it with “Know your worth.” I’ve had a few significant life experiences that have essentially changed how I react to conflicts. I choose not to set myself aside make up with someone who choose to disregard my worth or my feelings. Little things. Sure brush them off, but little things can certainly be part of a larger picture.
I think the degree to which house guests would be expected to abide by house rules depends on how long they are staying. For a couple of nights, maybe rules like “here’s where you can put the towels when you are through with them.” If an adult relative were staying for a couple of months, then you might need to set some expectations about noise, locking the door, etc.–perhaps including helping out in some ways.
^^I don’t know if it’s setting aside your self worth by making peace with people. I am specifically talking about close family members, those that you love. And I don’t think making up involves you having to give in to every little thing, and have the compromise only be on your side. I agree that there are not always things that can be resolved quickly. I guess I’m really talking about the unimportant things, and sometimes the trivial little things that will eat at you, while they are purely a waste of your energy and the other person has forgotten about it long ago, or didn’t even realize they did something that angered you.
“I think the degree to which house guests would be expected to abide by house rules depends on how long they are staying. For a couple of nights, maybe rules like “here’s where you can put the towels when you are through with them.” If an adult relative were staying for a couple of months, then you might need to set some expectations about noise, locking the door, etc.–perhaps including helping out in some ways”
I think that if you are going to have “house rules”, it would probably be best not to phrase it as such. More like just giving them helpful information, this is how something works, and “would you please.” I don’t know if I’ve ever asked something of a guest besides requesting they don’t let the dogs outside. A long term guest, that would be a different story. Let’s hope for none of those, please.
Perhaps in a perfect world, bus driver, but I disagree. I believe we are talking about different instances, though.