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Folks, people have their own house rules. That’s ok. Your house, your rules. Whether they are chore rules, or life rules, their house, their rules. I have few rules…and my brother in law has been living in my basement for 18 months…
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Yikes!
You are a saint!
" If my kids said no, they would say that they would do it tomorrow, or that they already did it. I find it highly unlikely that they would say, “No, I’m not going to exercise, ever!” They’re not stubborn little toddlers. They know that they need to exercise. "
Right. But you said there were rules. What if the just decided to take off a week, two, three? Not due to injury, not due to depression, but just not in the mood?
What if they said they were going to play tennis tomorrow. Would you ask for proof or check up on them? I mean, these are rules. What are the consequences if they blow it off? If there aren’t any, then it’s just suggestions.
romani-my father had a doctor like that. He had a heart attack and was improving well, and the doc met with my mother to tell her the good news. She started to cry. The doc got very nasty and said, “What are you CRYING for? I TOLD you he was better!” and walked off. My mother switched doctors after that. The guy was brilliant, but bedside manner didn’t exist for him.
I can’t really picture a family where nagging each other is considered a sign of caring, but whatever works, I guess. I’m not one of those people who feels that someone telling me “but it’s for your own good” does much besides irritate me. A recent reunion with my sisters involved a lot of one of them telling the rest of us what we needed to do to improve our lives. Thanks, sis. I think as a full-grown 56 yo I know what I do and don’t need to do, even if I don’t do it. It’s patronizing and belittling to tell another adult you know better than they do.
I still think that the OP’s kid is working hard, chilling from a long, stressful final school year, which can’t have ended that long ago. Maybe in another week or two she’ll want to do more with her friends or by herself. For all you know this is her last summer home. Try to enjoy her rather than be annoyed by her not being on point 24/7.
"Right. But you said there were rules. What if the just decided to take off a week, two, three? Not due to injury, not due to depression, but just not in the mood?
What if they said they were going to play tennis tomorrow. Would you ask for proof or check up on them? I mean, these are rules. What are the consequences if they blow it off? If there aren’t any, then it’s just suggestions."
I think you took me too literally. There are no specific “rules”, but this is the only thing I generally ask of them when they come home. There would be no good reason to take a week or two, three, off from exercising if they weren’t doing anything else. I can’t imagine my kids saying they’d get to it in three weeks. That would be disturbing, the thought of kids refusing to do anything but sit on the couch for that long, and it wouldn’t happen. If they said they were going to play tennis or do something else, I’d say great. And no, no proof or checks required. Yes, they are suggestions, that they generally will take.
People change.
My daughter, who never voluntarily read a book in her life, suddenly started to read for pleasure at the age of 25. I could not have been more surprised if she had grown wings.
If this can happen, it’s also possible that one of your kids could develop an aversion to exercise.
“I can’t really picture a family where nagging each other is considered a sign of caring, but whatever works, I guess. I’m not one of those people who feels that someone telling me “but it’s for your own good” does much besides irritate me. A recent reunion with my sisters involved a lot of one of them telling the rest of us what we needed to do to improve our lives. Thanks, sis. I think as a full-grown 56 yo I know what I do and don’t need to do, even if I don’t do it. It’s patronizing and belittling to tell another adult you know better than they do.”
There are ways to show concern and to be interested in other people’s problems without them thinking you are nagging. When someone tells you something that is bothering them or hurting them or they are ill, it is not particularly admirable to just ignore what they said and act like it doesn’t matter a bit, because God forbid you offer them some advice or do some research. There may be people who just want to complain, and it’s probably a good idea to keep your mouth shut. However, sometimes you can do some research, or you might have knowledge about the situation, and you can actually help someone feel better. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked about a health issue with me or my family, and someone has helped me, or other people have talked about their health or personal situation, and I have helped them. There is a difference between pointless nagging and problem solving.
"People change.
My daughter, who never voluntarily read a book in her life, suddenly started to read for pleasure at the age of 25. I could not have been more surprised if she had grown wings.
If this can happen, it’s also possible that one of your kids could develop an aversion to exercise."
I truly hope not. I want them to live. And if we are talking about rules, they both are fully aware of my personal #1 rule–Stay Alive.
My youngest daughter, is very informed re: health, diet/exercise, and is often encouraging me to drink more water, eat more local food, meditate, take yoga classes etc.
Some people might think it is nagging, because it can be predictable, but I consider her advice to be encouragment, and motivating. I really appreciate it, it is like having my own personal coach!
I have apps that attempt to do the same thing, but I also can delete them.
I did! I used to go jogging at night at Memorial Stadium while the Longhorn Marching Band was practicing. I loved listening to them, and the music made the run go by faster.
I had to do something to work off Friday margaritas at Jorge’s. 
Why keep calling it nagging, a negative in meaning and in visuals? Why not admit we all remind them of certain things- sometimes common sense, sometimes values, sometimes the way we feel the team works best together. That doesn’t mean the kids are in lock-step, nor intimidated.
Emerald brings up an interesting thought. Put the shoe on the other foot.
I’ll try and think of some examples:
You (the parent) work all day at a busy job where you are on your feet a lot. A busy office, a nurse at a docs office, a sales clerk, whatever. You get home at 5 and all you want to do is make a quick dinner and plop on the couch with your feet up and a good book - or 5 episodes of Modern Family. Your D, age 18 LOVES fitness. She loves to run, take yoga class, bike endlessly, etc. She starts harping on you that you need to get off that couch at night and get active!!! After 8 hours of work, driving home through traffic and making dinner you are NOT interested in getting sweaty - after all, you are 55 years old!!! You just want to relax and enjoy your quiet evening!
Ok, or not ok??? Do you have the prerogative to chill out at night or should you feel obligated to “get active” for another hour???
A couple other thoughts for OP. (even though I know you said you were cool with letting things be… 
) Could it be that now that she doesn’t have sports practice and school obligations that she doesn’t really know what to do with her time? Could it be that because (I think you said it was mornings) she is sitting around all morning/early afternoon - when you are at work - that you feel she is wasting time on the couch - even though that is her “free” time???
“I’ll try and think of some examples:
You (the parent) work all day at a busy job where you are on your feet a lot. A busy office, a nurse at a docs office, a sales clerk, whatever. You get home at 5 and all you want to do is make a quick dinner and plop on the couch with your feet up and a good book - or 5 episodes of Modern Family. Your D, age 18 LOVES fitness. She loves to run, take yoga class, bike endlessly, etc. She starts harping on you that you need to get off that couch at night and get active!!! After 8 hours of work, driving home through traffic and making dinner you are NOT interested in getting sweaty - after all, you are 55 years old!!! You just want to relax and enjoy your quiet evening!”
If my kids ever want to go do anything with me, whether it’s enjoyable, a chore, or if I have worked all night, I am SO there. Enjoying my evening doing whatever my kid wants to do? Yes.
But we don’t really know what the OP’s kid is objecting to. I don’t think the details are there to know, is it fatigue, depression, boredom, desire not to exercise? We don’t know.
I suspect that given the insane schedules so many of our kids keep in HS, especially in senior year, OP’s kid is thinking “Thank GOD I am finally out of school, all that homework, all those EC’s, all that being up at the crack of dawn and going to bed late, and all I MUST do now is go to work for 7 hours a few days a week. I can RELAX now, at least until August and I start the whole rat race all over again! Whew!” But apparently, there’s no time for that. Free time is overrated these days, I guess.
And maybe, like many kids, most kids, even, she’s not expecting mom to drop everything and do mother and child things as if she’s 10. She’d just like to be left the heck alone.
The culture of the family, and the surrounding community has a lot to do with what can be expected or not. In my community, everyone bikes, many walk a great deal. That ethic inspires a lot of exercise. I am always worried about my Ds and their weight, so try to set up the environment so exercise is part of the routine. Walk to dinner, bike to see the spring flowers, the leaves in the fall. Sometimes I’ve bought gym memberships for them in the summers. But I can get away with some of this because they grew up in an active family and community.
In a far less active community, the expectation of exercise most evenings might seem coercive.
I think there is benefit in setting up the home routine post HS to avoid maximum resentment, and you are setting up that routine this summer and for those following, so it is worth thinking about the structure. I realized that I resented working all day in the summer to come home to offspring who had maybe worked 4 to 6 hours at a summer job and then were vegging. If they got a few basic chores done, whether lawn mowing, putting dishes away, prepping for dinner, or whatever, I was less resentful and could enjoy their presence more, and was less stressed. I am busy and needed their help to keep the household running.
But if you are a stay at home mom, and things are perhaps less stressed, maybe summer is more of a hangout time for all of you, and it is less of a big deal.
FWIT, I am that 60 year old on the feet all day hospital RN. I ache by the time I come home. But after an hour of so on the couch, I am mowing the yard, gardening, and then walking or biking a few miles, fast, for my needed exercise. Work is exhausting but does little for fitness.
We’ve never nagged about exercise. We do our best to model a healthy lifestyle, but we don’t make food or exercise an issue. I think it’s too easy for a young person to take that nagging personally and I didn’t want to be the cause of any body issues.
My 18-year-old, who can spend hours drawing and writing on his computer, also enjoys taking long hikes with friends. He got a job emptying trucks at a local shopping center to raise money for college, so he’s pretty active. My 16-year-old spends a lot of time listening to music and skyping with her friends, but still finds time to run 3 miles every day and swim several days/week. All we can do is set the example and let them find their way.
Isn’t exercise a personal choice? As an adult, I have the choice to exercise or not. And I have the right to choose my own routine. I would never dream to impose that choice on anyone else, including my adult child. I ask my adult children to do chores because that relates to the running of the household of which they are a part. But I don’t try to control what they do for fun. S plays video games and goes out with friends. D, when she visits, likes to sightsee and read. If they want to exercise, great. But it’s not my call.
And I’m sure we all have our own sense of what constitutes nagging. I might feel that I’m just making a suggestion, while someone else might interpret that as nagging. Like I mentioned before, S seems to think that he grew up with no rules - I think i’m just subtle (or sneaky).
Oh and before anyone criticizes me for “letting” my S play video games all day. He is a singer and made more money in a 3 week gig in May than most kids do in a whole summer. And he has another gig in August - so, for June and July, he’s enjoying himself (he calls it “vocal rest” haha)
“And I’m sure we all have our own sense of what constitutes nagging. I might feel that I’m just making a suggestion, while someone else might interpret that as nagging. Like I mentioned before, S seems to think that he grew up with no rules - I think i’m just subtle (or sneaky).”
You must be really good!
I think what constitutes nagging is in the ear of the listener. It seems to me that a lot of people seem to feel that it isn’t nagging if it’s the truth.
I will note here that we’ve been talking about something that most of us would agree is a good thing, getting exercise. But it can often happen that a family member nags you to do something that you may not want to do at all, and that you disagree with doing–like going to church, or using some kind of medicine, or calling up some remote friend of the family that you don’t want to call. My mother nagged me to use a kind of shampoo–she gave me some, and then asked me repeatedly if I was using it. I find it annoying, at my advanced age. So I don’t tell her a lot of things that I know would result in endless suggestions, instructions, etc.
Here’s a good point from @Hunt’s post.
Many of us have kids who are away at college much of the time or out of college and living away from home all the time. Often, what we know about their lives is only what they choose to share with us.
The more we nag, the less they may share – at least, about that particular topic.
^^^^YES.