@morrismm We live in SoCal and bought and sold at the right times so our current home mortgage is very affordable and we have our dream resort-style backyard with all the bells and whistles. It would be hard to move but for me personally, I visited Florida and can really see me and my H retired there. I’m such a beach person, love the ocean and warm breezes (Cancun is a favorite destination). It’s affordable, the weather and beaches are very nice, tax-friendly for retirees, no state tax, cheap housing (we could sell our house and probably buy a house in Florida for cash). Would like to check out the gulf side of Florida to see if that’s better. Our other option might be Arizona but I’m concerned with being landlocked, the scorching summer temps and dust storms. The COL is attractive and is tax friendly for retirees.
Lastly, my boys would somewhat factor into decision as I would love to be an involved grandparent.
@rockvillemom , My mother, an only child, prioritized the comfort (and care) of her parents. This resulted in her refusal to take that Alaskan cruise my Dad always wanted. “What if something happened while we were away?” She cared for her parents until each of them died, at which point my Father’s Alzheimer’s was apparent, followed by falls that left him bedridden.
You cite a caution that the elderly wait too long to relocate. This applies to you and your husband as well as to your mother (even if you are not yet elderly). Aging creeps up on you.
I feel for your dilemma.
I was talking with my MIL yesterday and she said she’s planning on selling their current home (on the lake) because it has a TON of steps (really slippery, wet, steep wooden steps down to the house and then farther down to the lake) because FIL is becoming unsteady on his feet.
She’s conflicted about where to move-she wants to move to the 30A area (panhandle of fl) because her brother lives there and she loves the ocean, and they’re very familiar with the area. Her daughter (who I have a tense relationship with because she’s so damn selfish) wants her to stay in the area (but would not take care of FIL & MIL based on previous behavior).
I want her to move to a place where there is good medical care and a good airport like the Tampa or Jacksonville area, so we can get to them easily and there’s a good senior support system in place. It’ll be interesting to see how it plays out. H wants me to stay out of it because he says “no good deed goes unpunished”.
Yeah, it’s mildly depressing to discover that we have frailties, like stair steps.
For a time I longed for a two-story house for retirement, having grown up in pretty but modest homes. All it took to cure me of that notion was a week’s vacation at a cousin’s new castle in North Carolina. The pitch of the steps to the second floor was substantial enough to be frightening. And a day just relaxing at home could mean repeatedly climbing stairs to the point of exhaustion. So now I am looking for a one-story in the Carolinas. The only big cities I am looking at are Columbus and Cleveland, Ohio. I have heard nothing but praise for Columbus. As for Cleveland, where else can you get a condo on a lake for a song? Of course, Cleveland has its share of urban flaws. Ideally, Seattle would be my first choice but the sizzling hot Amazon-Microsoft-Boeing economy there means I would need to live in my mother’s basement.
@rockvillemom : what about moving and planning to fly home 2x/month? It’s a short flight.
“Where do you plan to live when you retire?”
To answer the OP question: in our swamp (well, the PC term is NGPA). 
Mr. is allergic to anything that has an HOA, so we are stuck in a single-family house. I am going to be his “Lady of the swamp.”
I hear you BB…we have a HOA because of some common property on our lake. I love my neighbors…but I hate the HOA thing.
Still…we are here…and right now…I can’t see us moving anywhere. We have a lake at the end of our street, and live in a beautiful semi rural area. We can get to amenities within five minutes…and we love our house.
We will see how much we love it in another five years!
@jasmom - wow - thank you. My DH’s father deteriorated and died from Alzheimers in his 70s, so much truth there. I am thinking about options that satisfy everyone - even if I do have to travel back and forth between SC and MD initially. But you are right, I cannot ask DH to wait too much longer.
Dd (only child) graduates in May 2018. She plans to go to grad school after working a year. I will turn 50 by then and its just me so I am happy where I am (close to DC) I never upsized so I can see myself living here for awhile. Location is excellent as far as convenience. I am comfortable here for now since I have lived here for years and don’t know what I would do by myself in another city. Only complaint is the winter season when the days are shorter. I just want to keep myself busy and be fit and healthy so that I can keep working. I need a routine and a reason to step out of the house every morning. As I get older I would like to be able to travel (warmer places in the winter) if possible. I am happy living the simple life but I too wish the beach was closer so that I could go for walks on the weekends.
BusennBurner what is NGPA. I looked it up and found “National Gay Pilots Assoc.” Somehow, I do not think that is what you mean.
@LakeWashington Both Cleveland and Columbus have low housing prices and cost of living in general. Lake Erie can be gorgeous in the summer. But I grew up in Cleveland and can’t imagine returning to retire as the winter is endless. There’s quite a wind off the lake and a lot snow. Less snow in Columbus, but it still gets plenty cold.
I grew up in Cleveland too @Barbalot and my sisters still live there. I’m the only one who doesn’t. I also have HS and college friends there. BUT while affordable…it’s not on my A list of places to live. The weather is awful.
My mother used to say that Cleveland had three seasons…winter, July and August.
@rockvillemom - please don’t move to “coastal VA” and commute to care for your parents in MD! I used to live near you in MD and my Dad was in Virginia Beach, and the traffic was horrible. Beltway traffic, northern Virginia traffic, and then all the Hampton Roads traffic with the tunnel bottleneck. You will get no relief from it unless you drive at 3 AM.
I would suggest you start telling your mother that your H will be accepting the job in HH in a year or so. Give her lots of warning and lots of updates. You and he will rent at first and you will go back and forth. You will eventually sell your house and buy one there. She is welcome to come there, or closer to there so she can see you more often and escape the worst of winter. Perhaps if your Dad dies, he can be interred as “cremains” and they can be moved to SC when she moves with you. You can make her small promises like you’ll take the smaller pieces of 60’s furniture and if her eyesight is really bad she may never know anyway. Furniture is easy, being stuck where you don’t want to be is not!
My sister has dual citizenship with an EU country and wants to retire in Italy. I told her I would go with her on any and all “fact finding” missions to find just the right spot!
Another friend, almost 10 years younger than me, plans on retiring in Sicily. He thinks he can get dual citizenship with Italy by having a birth certificate from a grandparent or something.
Imagine … fresh lemons and olives, a possibly bad healthcare situation being wildly offset by those ideal Mediterranean living conditions…
Honestly, @rockvillemom, your situation reminds me of that classic book, “Raising your Spirited Child”. Spirited is a euphemism for difficult, in case you never read it! The author identified a few areas where children are typically spirited and one of them was “difficulty in making transitions”.
This was my D1 and before I read the book I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to leave the house when we were going to the Children’s Museum, a favorite place, etc. Well, she just needed plenty of warning and lots of reminders. It still wasn’t easy but thing got more manageable. Not saying that your Mom’s situation is that simple, but some of the advice applies here. Don’t ask questions. Tell her you’re moving in x number of years and don’t sound wishy washy about it. You could say 2-4 years and still say it firmly. She will sense weakness and exploit it. You’ve all had decades to work out that dynamic and she’s using it against you.
From a logical standpoint, it makes sense. But then I look at her - about 4’8" now with severe osteoporosis, hunched over to an incredible degree - very limited vision - and it’s just hard to do or say anything that will upset her.
I think once my father passes, her very small world will be tiny and hopefully at that point she will agree to move with us. Really, once he goes, she is going to be isolated in her condo with a few equally frail friends in the bldg. Not much of a life.
I’m also worried about her mental acuity - sometimes she is fine - sometimes she is a bit confused/disoriented. We had a bizarre conversation tonight where she was trying to relay the plot of a movie she watched on HBO - she could not remember the name and her rendition of the plot was so convoluted and included a sexual term I have never heard her utter before - I have to try and figure out the movie so I can read a summary online and see how it really was.
My point being, that as she fades mentally, maybe it will be easier to relocate her with less resistance.
I’va already relocated. I live in Crazyville.
Well, the movie was Indignation and she actually described it reasonably well. I just never heard her say bj before.
NGPA - native growth protective area. Or PC- speak for “swamp.” where no one wants to build.
^^^^^
We call that wetlands. PC talk for swamp. 
NGPA “Fly The Fabulous Skies!” My name is RuPaul and I’ll be your pilot tonight.