<p>My mother is more volatile than the weather around here. We’ve gone from tornadoes around here to sunny and the 70s. My mom, meanwhile, has gone from being willing to let me actually go off to college like a normal kid back to wanting to move within an hour of the campus. And that might change again. My dad’s more reasonable, but he’s not the type who just tells my mom to do something, so he’s leaving this up to her, even though the financial strain of maintaining households in San Jose and wherever I go to college would be significant.</p>
<p>And as far as junior year is concerned, Chicago’s Big Problems courses for upperclassmen seem amazing. If they live up to billing, it’s untouchable. As for Princeton, the lack of a structured Core means I don’t know much about what type of courses you take to meet the general requirements. All I know is from which fields. Hmmm, I wish I had had the time to participate in that Princeton online chat earlier this week.</p>
<p>To answer your first question, yes, she is.</p>
<p>As to why, well, two reasons. One is that a close family friend had a brilliant son whom they sent off to Harvard, and he got into some sort of trouble and was suspended for a year, and then had to retake a year after that, and then couldn’t get recommendations for law school, and yeah, my mom’s terrified that it’ll be my life story too. Second reason is that I’ve never been allowed to hang out with girls, let alone date, and my parents have no respect for my privacy. This isn’t a typical teenager whining about intrusive parents. My parents expect to be allowed to read my IM conversations and check my email accounts whenever they want. Now, I dealt with these restrictions fine until this summer. My close friends were all a year ahead of me, since they were in my AP classes with me, and they all graduated. I made two new female friends. And while it was difficult, I abided by my family’s rules. I did talk to them a lot on the phone though. So one month, my mom saw the phone bill and looked at my calls (all night and weekend minutes, so no extra charge), and then stole my phone and compared the two heavily dialed numbers against my cell phone’s phone directory, and discovered they were girls. Apparently this was a cardinal sin, and I’ve had barely any freedom, trust, or privacy since then. On the bright side, if I ever end up on the wrong side of the law, prison should be a breeze. So now, my mom plans to follow me everywhere…</p>
<p>Well, if they are going to “move in” with you anyway, maybe they will let you go to Stanford instead. You can justify it by being close to home. And once there, you can always be “too busy” to visit when you don’t want to.</p>
<p>Your mom will have to let you cut the umbilical cord eventually.</p>
<p>I am floored. Absolutely floored. And I would call myself relatively strict and watchful as a parent! (My kids would say I am a strict PITA!;))</p>
<p>Can someone your family respects (grandparent, teacher, counselor, shrink?) go to bat for you and get them to disentangle themselves and trust you a little? </p>
<p>I mean, when do they intend to let you INCORPORATE all the wonderful life lessons they’ve taught you? </p>
<p>Of course I worry with my D thousands of miles from home; I worry about the drinking, and the guys, and all the potential rash mistakes that can be made by any 19 year old-- but it’s high time to let her take the reins of her own life. My H & I urged our D to go FAR away to give her the MOST self-sufficient, free experience. I want her to have her own internal compass, and some mistakes help calibrate this inner sense of right and wrong. </p>
<p>I would assume you have been a good kid with no big red flags so far for crash & burn? If so, with this information I’d have to say you should pick whatever school will be most helpful to get them to back off and let you breathe.</p>
<p>You cannot live in a situation where your mom packs up and joins you at college. That is beyond abnormal. When she moves to a new town where she has no friends or family except YOU, who’s business will she be managing every minute? Ah, yes, yours. I predict you and she will drive each other crazy in a very short time.</p>
<p>I once worked with a man in his mid-twenties and his mother would call long-distance to ask him about things such as the local bus schedule. It was so sad for both of them. He had a lot of trouble with female relationships because he had no way of knowing about boundaries people set for themselves.</p>
<p>First of all, I’m on your side. I have little knowledge of Indian traditions, so I apologize in advance if my comments offend you.</p>
<p>I hope your “cushy office” is big enough for your mom’s desk, phone, and computer so she can tell you what decisions to make in your CHIEF EXECUTIVE position!</p>
<p>Doesn’t she realize that she is undermining your ability to think for yourself, thereby decreasing your chances of making her dreams come true…those of becoming wildly successful at school and in the business world?</p>
<p>The best thing you can do for yourself and your mom is to go to a school that gives you a full ride so you can cut the apron strings. I realize your Indian heritage comes with expectations vastly different from those in the Western world, but your parents can’t have it both ways.</p>
<p>One the one hand, they want you to uphold Indian tradition, but on the other they want you to obtain a WESTERN education and become a true American Capitalist. Mom can’t have her cake and eat it too!</p>
<p>MM ~ Your situation is certainly remarkable to any “ordinary” American. I admit to a certain bias here…I was hoping you would show up at USC I’m a USC alum, and my son will probably be attending in August, so the more brilliant grads, the better from my point of view!</p>
<p>This having been said, my thought while perusing this thread is that Stanford is your best choice (educationally and career-wise), except that I thought Stanford would not let you get enough space from your parents. However, now that I actually have grokked the idea that your mother is going to follow you to college…WOW. I think your best chance of getting space is to go to Stanford and leave your mom in her house in San Jose. From this arrangement you will have more independence than if she follows you to Chicago or Nashville, or wherever.</p>
<p>Honestly, if she stays in her house with her friends, her husband, and her routine, you can pull away and create the life you deserve, even if it takes a few weeks/months. If she follows you, it will get worse. She will have nothing to focus on but you, 24/7.</p>
<p>Finally, top people make their own opportunities, regardless of where they go to college. You have incredible potential, and it will manifest wherever you choose to attend. And Stanford allows you to study anything, and be in one of the top three schools in the world.</p>
<p>As a Kellogg MBA living in Philadelphia, I will whisper the untold heresy to you: Stanford’s MBA is better than Wharton’s. It provides more opportunities to make really big money, and to have both the corner office and the foosball table. There I said it, and now the flaming can commence.</p>
<p>Linda Choi, a U of C Career Services person who works with econ majors, replied to a message I left her. She gave me a lot of useful info about on-campus recruiting, job availability, and all the career services resources. Then, to help with convincing my parents, she said she’d have a recent econ grad who works for BCG call my home over the weekend to talk to me and my parents.</p>
<p>MM–Is there any way you could visit Yale and/or Princeton again? I know that Princeton has April hosting days next week (Thursday-Saturday) and Yale might have something similar. Parents are welcome at Princeton. You have some amazing choices and although it sounds as if your current preference is UChi, I think that Yale or Princeton would also be great choices and would allow you the flexibility you need academically while assuaging your parents’ need for a “name” degree. That said, if you can’t visit, I think that you should continue to try and convince your parents that Chicago is the best school for you.</p>
<p>I don’t think I can visit, unfortunately. My father is in India, traveling on business. Also, one more thing about Chicago is the incredible economics department, which is better than Yale’s or Princeton’s. My parents concede that, so to them, the other schools would not make any sense either. The prestige issue, to them, is that Wharton carries more weight on Wall St. than any other school. That’s what everyone has told them…I wish my parents weren’t so swayed by family friends who just happen to work in the business world. They’ve talked to 10 people, max, out of millions in the business world. And they’re all similar to my parents in that the name is everything to them. (Not generalizing, I know a lot of them quite well). Really, in terms of prestige in my chosen field, Chicago’s name carries a lot of weight, but to my parents, it’s not Wharton, and that’s all that matters.</p>
<p>Oh, at the very least, Wharton is out of the question. I finally got a sample schedule from the Director of Advising for Vagelos LSM, and I have two free electives…in my senior year, while I’m interviewing for jobs and working on my Vagelos Capstone Research Project. Everything else is biology, chemistry or business. APs are also not much help, because it takes advanced standing in all three sciences just to finish the program in four years.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, Stanford business school is ranked above Wharton in the latest US News rankings… (Stanford is #2, Wharton #3, and Chicago #6)</p>
<p>Yeah, and I’m certain I want to do graduate study, so that brings in the additional issue of, do I really want all my degrees to be business ones?</p>
<p>Princeton sent me a nice letter and contact infor for all their departments. I’m going to give their econ dept. a call, btw.</p>
<p>Name recognition “Wharton”, which is what your parents are getting, isn’t everything. The people who are important, who <em>know</em> quality and who actually hire, will find your degree from Chicago to be just as impressive.</p>
<p>MM -
At Chicago, they will have an opening convocation in Rockefeller chapel - music, speeches (the one by Ted ONeill will be very good), more music. Finally, everyone - family and students - all will process out and over to the college gates. At that point, you will go through and on to your house meeting - and your parents will go to a reception. Orientation aids stand by the gates with kleenex - and make sure the parents don’t follow you. Its a nice ceremony, but it makes the point pretty clearly that a life-change has happened.</p>
<p>You have wonderful, wonderful choices. I applaud your patience with your parents…and your acceptance of their vantage point. I am confident that you will make great new friends in any of these schools. You will have a very bright future…I only wish you could experience Yale which is where my son is…Univ of Chicago was one of his final choices also… it is a school that attracts big brains!! Best wishes…</p>