@Hanna Best wishes!!! 
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She asked him to pick up two things from the store for her…Campbell’s chicken noodle soup and orange sherbet…seems pretty simple but he came back with an off brand of chicken broth and mango sorbet.
Now that might seem like no big deal , but this is how I see it…she asked for two very simple items to make her feel better and he didn’t care enough to do it right. To me, that speaks volumes about how little he values her."
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lol…no that’s a guy thing. Soup can. check. It said chicken somewhere on the label. check
Oh, and the other stuff was orange in color and frozen. check check
He likely thought he hit a home run.
It’s not a guy thing. It’s a some-people-don’t-pay-attention-to-details things and it is independent of sex.
I would totally be the one to pick up broth and mango on accident. My dad would do the same thing.
My (male) partner on the other hand would freak out if they didn’t have the exact thing I asked for. My mom would go to 2-3 different stores to find the “right” thing.
Guess which of these people are the ones who primarily do the grocery shopping?
My partner and mom are the two that do the grocery shopping and they know what to get from memory/habit. My dad and I almost always get the wrong things because we’re going for the thing that kinda looks like the thing on the list.
The sad part is, I can at least go by color. My partner is colorblind and thus has the brands mostly memorized.
As an example, on my last outing a few days ago ahead of the storm, I got kale instead of lettuce (what? they’re both green and leafy), shredded cheddar instead of block (the list just said cheese), and I got the wrong cut of meat (which, to be fair, you shouldn’t send the vegetarian to buy meat).
Yea, like me, a non drinker buying alcohol for our wedding. We still have a lot of it, unopened bottles of scotch nearly 3 decades later! I’ve not been asked to buy alcohol again!
For the guy, it is pretty annoying if day after day, everything is a test until finally - wrong chicken soup - you are worthless! Then repeat …
^^^I fail the test regularly. Of course, it would be nice if I knew what was going to be on the test…
When one is ill, it sure is nice to be coddled. Every once in a while, I will ask H to bring me some groceries and keep my fingers crossed that he and I communicated sufficiently, or I tend to be surprised by his choices. He tries to call if he forgets or gets confused, but generally things work out pretty well for us.
I am pretty worthless if he sent me to a home improvement store to buy what he has on his mind – I’d probably get the wrong brand, size, quality, etc. In our family, we tend to make whomever cares the most about XXXX be in charge of everything related to it and no one else can criticize.
We have learned to ask if puzzled when one is running an errand for the other. The rule is that the person who made the request must have his or her phone on and answer if queries pop up. It has helped limit the need for returns and disappointments in our household. 
Actually , on the subject of grocery shopping , I only trust one person to do it for me…my oldest daughter. That is because she is also someone who cooks .If it was something simple , like X brand of cereal or milk, anyone in the household.
I would never use my store’e shopping service. My husband would probably feel the same way about sending me to Home Depot to pick up things he gets , unless he gave me specifics on it
Yes, it is probably more related to WHO does the grocery shopping in the household…and in this country, it is usually the woman (if there is a woman in the household).
I typically have to really spell it out to H…show him a pic of the item on my iPad…maybe even send a pic to his phone to compare. I have to be careful to specify “no, not the non-fat version of sour cream (yuck)” and "not the non-fat version of half and half (what the heck could THAT be???). And…please check expiration dates of perishables!!!
Now, H will often send me a pic and ask…Is this it? yay!
Sometimes it doesn’t really matter, but when it comes to the pets’ food it does. Suddenly changing brands can cause upset tummies.
When our handyman sent me to HD to buy some needed things, it was confusing even tho I am somewhat handy myself. I did ask for help, and came home with an array of extra items hoping that at least most were right…or could be used anyway. Most were right, but I did have to go back for some odd wood piece that was hard to visualize what it was that he wanted.
@lje62, I get what you’re talking about regarding your BIL. I don’t see it as being a “test.”
When my husband is sick and requests something, I look until I find it. Not because I need to pass any test, but because he’s sick and I want him to feel better. He had a major heart attack 6 weeks ago and you can bet I brought home exactly what he asked for. And, although he is as ADD and Aspergery as the next nerd, he would do the same for me.
Wishing your husband a speedy recovery frazzled1
I’d be irritated by the wrong items as well. There really is no excuse when there are people in the store who can help you. But I also value being detail oriented. Usually those non detail people know exactly what they want and don’t get it wrong. I see it more as being a little passive aggressive.
It does help to be detail-oriented. But if even a non-detail person can manage to deliver what a client, customer, or boss wants on an important project, why can’t they do the same when a spouse is sick?
My fiance is very detail-oriented. He’s an engineer. He just finds the supermarket daunting and doesn’t speak the language of foods and labels. (Which, to be fair, the average supermarket carries about 50,000 products.) It’s counterintuitive to me, since I love supermarkets, but then, it’s counterintuitive to him that I find driving scary and difficult.
We actually discussed this thread last night. He recalled that when he was looking for the jelly, he saw jam and thought, “Isn’t jam a fancy kind of jelly?” He is still embarrassed about this error. He also said that he hated grocery shopping when he was living alone, and generally bought the exact same things week after week because otherwise he would get home and discover unwanted surprises.
So I do the grocery shopping, and he comes with and carries the bags. Everyone’s happy. (He also does the dishes, the vacuuming, and the litter box, so I come out way ahead.)
I had no idea before today that jam and jelly were different…
“related to WHO does the grocery shopping in the household…and in this country, it is usually the woman” ???
I see a lot of men at our local Giant Eagle, each holding a list, scratching their head, contemplating reaching for the cell phone. I’m often one of them! Oh, and in exactly which aisle is the bulgar in? And do the lentils HAVE to be red?
Before we got married we went to a marriage class (many couples attending were already married) as a lark. Wish I could remember who sponsered it but I think it was the vicar of our church who suggested it to us at the time.
One activity consisted of a very long list with factors that affect marriage as this forum has focused on. Probably had 30 things on it. Wish I had the list. You were supposed to put a number 0-5 on how important something was to you. So having kids, religion etc. all got priority numbers. Then you exchanged papers with your partner and compared your answers. We were very closely matched but many couples were not. The list was good for us because it had factors on it that we’d never considered before and hadn’t even thought to discuss.
Another fun activity was we were given a list of pictures to take that were supposed to represent how we viewed ourselves and how we viewed our partners and pictures that showed things that were important to your partner and things that represented what was important to you. Not only fun but created lots of discussion in the class.
And the last thing I remember was hearing problems that specific couples were having. Some of which had to do with kids, no time, lack of money etc, jobs. None of these applied to us yet but it opened our eyes as to some of the problems one could run into and we decided we’d just have to compromise along the way.
I think all of that stuff is all good and well but to be honest issues we’ve encountered that have caused stress in our marriage were things that we couldn’t possibly have ever anticipated (I’m dealing with one of those now that was completely unpredictable) – and there are also situations where you swear you would react to X situation by doing Y, but in point of fact when it actually happens, you wind up doing Z instead.
“He does the litter box”.
Now THAT is being kind.
My H goes to the grocery store and always comes home with some weird stuff. I consider it an adventure in food…
With my parents, my dad will go shopping and get exactly what’s on the list, nothing more, nothing less (unless the store is out of something.) When my mom shops, she’ll get what’s on the list plus some other things that “jump into the cart.”