<p>I see your mother’s point. Traditionally the groom’s parents take care of the rehearsal dinner. When I got married, about a million years ago, my future MIL informed me they would not host a rehearsal dinner because I wasn’t willing to have a wedding large enough to warrant one. After the rehearsal, the very small wedding party, all family - mine and his - went back to my parents house and we just had a normal every night kind of dinner. No Big Deal. We didn’t invite his parents. No need to. They weren’t at the rehearsal.</p>
<p>Please don’t feel obligated to do more than your budget allows or more than you reasonably have time to do. It is okay to say no. I don’t see how anyone could reasonably expect you to do the amount of entertaining you have in mind all by yourself. What does your fiance think?</p>
That’s not the way a wedding is supposed to be for the bride (or, for anyone, really)! Who’s making the “home cooked” brunch? I hope it’s not you! Is this the kind of wedding your parents want for you? Do they not consider it “reasonable” to give you a bit of a break? (You said they would pay for “reasonable” expenses.)</p>
<p>Have not read the whole thread as I fear it would be too painful (that should give an idea of where this is going). H is one of five siblings and last year the first of the nephews/nieces got married. The family is all West Coast based, the wedding was held in upper NY State, so almost everyone on the groom’s side was from out of town. . We, however, were from WAY out of town - travelling from Shanghai. We are not close to the younger generation, having lived overseas since before they were born but we have sent generous cheques to those who’ve invited us to graduations. We had also hosted three of the cousins who had at different times stayed at our house in England (not the groom though who hadn’t made it across the Atlantic). We were looking forward to the wedding as a way to reconnect with our generation and stand back and admire the younger. We weren’t included in the rehearsal dinner, the only members of the groom’s family left out. We went out to a nice dinner alone that night and tried not to dwell on the situation but It was hurtful and the whole experience underlined for me that (1) yes, H comes from a dysfunctional family and (2) weddings have the potential to inflict an immense amount of hurt.</p>
<p>Just a thought…as a recent out of town guest for a wedding, I never expected them to host me until the wedding and reception. Up till then, we were “on our own”.</p>
<p>I’ve been to many, many, many weddings, most of them out of town, meaning hotel and transportation costs to me and family coming to the wedding. I don’t expect a thing from those getting married or the famlies beyond what the invitation includes, which is usually the wedding ceremony and reception. Anything else is extra. Unless there have been conversations, invitations, offers, and assuranced BEFORE the fact, I’m not about to show up or contact the families in the 11th hour of all of these preparation. I am just a guest, and I want to enjoy the wedding and the reception, and let the hosts focus on those things, not on entertaining me the night before or the morning after. If anything comes up, let them offer them up, and for close friends and family, I have offered my assistance in anything, and if asked, I will do, if I can. Yes, I’ve helped at a number of weddings as my offer to help was accepted or I was asked for help. And yes, family and I have partaken some pre/post wedding things set up by the hosts. But none of these thing were expected in the least. I let the hosts determine the venue and the offers and behave accordingly.</p>
<p>I have so many friends, family that are from so many different backgrounds and live in so many places, that if it ever comes to pass that they are invited to a wedding here, I don’t know what we would do in terms of offering up pre/post wedding extra get togethers. But I don’t feel that it’s a necessity in most all cases. Yes, if there is someone we invite with special needs, we’ll do what we can to accommodate and provide extra, but not as a rule to all at the wedding.</p>
I don’t blame you one bit for feeling the way that you do! What a slap in the face to a family that traveled a very long way for the wedding. (Now I’m sure there isn’t a simple explanation like your invite was lost in the mail?)</p>
<p>This thread is eye opening to say the least. An earlier poster said out of town guests shouldn’t have to open their wallets??? I say the opposite, I don’t accept an invite, unless I can afford the travel, ,lodging and MEAL costs! If you can afford it, great. However, rehearsal dinners should be for anyone who was at the rehearsal. At least, that’s how it used to be. I only have one son, so if and when that day comes, we will not hosting a dinner for a slew of extended family and out of town guests. If he gets married young like we did, we will still have college expenses for his siblings.</p>
<p>If you have reserved a room block at a hotel for out of town guests, you may want to check with the hotel and ask for a “hospitality” room. Some hotels will give you an empty guest room and let you set it up as a hospitality room for all your guests. You can provide food, drinks, all sorts of extras and even your own buffet for the guests who will not be at a rehearsal dinner. Seems like a lot of work but if your budget is a bit restricted, you can save a ton and make all feel included. This type of idea can only accommodate 50 or so out of town guests.</p>