Our extended family has never been open about finances. We don’t talk much about finances with our kids either except to assure them they will NOT have to pay any of our bills in old age.
They know we are more financially comfortable now than when we were paying for their college and the mortgage on our home and that we dine out much more often. They also know we travel more, for longer trips, and take them out to eat when we are together.
What I won’t pay for is to have a friend come along on a family vacation. We go every few years with extended family. My parents, siblings and their kids. My sister will pay for a friend of her daughter’s to come along because my niece won’t come. There are 28 family members and she needs a friend to have fun. Nope. Before I pay for a significan other they have to be engaged.
I thought it was a universal principle of good manners that everyone at the table orders the same number of courses to avoid embarrassing anyone. It’s part of what my parents taught me about civilized behavior in restaurants.
I guess it isn’t universal after all.
Definitely not universal. I come from an upper middle class background where manners are emphasized, and this was not something anyone worried about. We were taught to not order the most expensive thing on the menu, and not to just assume dessert would be a part of the dinner unless the host suggested it.
No, I don’t think it is.
I have never heard that it is not good manners to order a different number of courses from someone else, much less that it would be less than civilized to do so. Diabetes runs in my family, I have had metabolic syndrome at various times in my life, so I NEVER order dessert. DH, on the other hand, has a sweet tooth, so he always gets dessert. Neither of us are embarrassed. Also, sometimes DH wants a soup or salad, whereas I rarely do. It would be wasteful of me to order something I have no intention of eating, and unreasonable of me to expect him to go without his salad if he wants one.
On the other hand, growing up, we never went to restaurants, so perhaps I wasn’t schooled in this properly.
I’d never heard of that, and was curious about that, so I just googled it and the first site I found says:
Disclaimer: Didn’t look any further so I don’t make any claims as to how common this line of thinking is either.
Sometimes, H and I will split a prix fix meal and maybe order an extra appetizer or dessert. That way, we can try a bigger selection of items and not have leftovers. The restaurants have been fine with it.
I’ve never had a problem with different people at a meal ordering different numbers of courses. The server will often ask about timing of courses if, for example someone orders appetizers and others don’t or if someone orders more or fewer courses at the table then others. It has always been fine for us.
When we travel and at nicer restaurants, we prefer NOT to have leftovers because things taste better at the restaurants. We try to adjust our ordering do that we finish pretty much everything we order. I dislike wasting food–it bothers me more than it probably should.
Thank you for the comments about people ordering different numbers of courses. This is a very educational forum.
Another question about restaurants: Someone mentioned having been taught that you never order the most expensive thing on the menu. I was taught that as well, but I was also taught that you also shouldn’t order the least expensive thing. I can see avoiding the least expensive thing if you’re the host (because you don’t want your guests to feel that they must be as thrifty as you), but what about if you’re a guest? Is there really any rudeness in ordering the least expensive dish?
I don’t think so. Why would it?
I was also taught not to order the least expensive item. I refrained from doing so for years - until I decided that if the least expensive item is really what I want, that’s what I will order. I’m not sure of the logic either - unless it had something to do with proving to the server that I could afford the restaurant.
As far as cleaning the plate, as a child, I desperately wanted to try oyster stew which my mother never prepared. We were dining as a family with my grandmother and it was on the menu. I was delighted and asked and received permission to order it. I didn’t like it - couldn’t eat it at all. The result, I was told that that was my lunch, I could not assist my younger sister in finishing her meal and my grandmother was not allowed to share her meal. The waitress offered to return it for something else, but that was also verboten. For some reason, I was punished for trying a new dish. I vowed never to have the same approach to food and restaurants with my kids.
Because it implies that you think the host is a cheapskate?
^^ I think that’s probably an outdated notion, back from a time when going out was maybe more of a special occasion than it is now.
In today’s world where half of restaurant patrons are either on a special diet and/or have allergies/intolerances, I think quite a bit of leeway is allowed when it comes to ordering.
LOL! Okay…I suppose. But personally I wouldn’t think that (and if I was host might even appreciate the savings! LOL!)
If it was what sounded good to me, I would order it without a second thought.
I have paid for friends for my teenage daughter so she would have fun too. I don’t always want to be the entertainment committee on a beach trip.
I was always taught to take the cue from the host…ie…please feel free to choose what you want or I hear the grilled cheese and fries are good.
Most awkward thing…when we were first married with a baby and hubby had been out of work we received an invitation to a birthday party at outback. When we sat down the wife announces to the server that it would be all separate checks.
My lucky daughter got to to go Hawaii with her BFF’s family. She was only 12! I was quite envious.
Oh my! 
When my D was an undergrad she had the pleasure of being seated next to a world renowned tenor at a dinner hosted by our opera company here in LA . The director loudly asked “maestro, any career advise for the young singer next to you”? He leaned over, placing the large menu in front of them so that no one could hear: “if the house is paying…order the lobster”.
My son was in middle school when he was invited out to eat with the family of a friend. He was presented with a bill fo rhis portion when done. I thought that was unbeleivable.
^Unbelievable and potentially embarrassing. My middle school kids wouldn’t have been carrying their own money.
I would have considered sending a bill for past birthday party goody bags, sleep-over utility bill usage percentages, food consumed at my home, etc.